Good Plus One

A Day With An Angel

2012-01-06T20:39:00.000-08:00

This post is for our fallen friend, Lisa Kelly. My words will be short because I want Lisa's words and the words of her best friend, Kim Tracy Prince (@kimtracyprince on Twitter), to do the talking. I met Lisa in the virtual world where we served as support and motivation for each other.

My wife was battling cancer.
Lisa was battling cancer herself.
Once you know cancer, there is an instant bond with those that know and have shared the pain.

I was proud to know Lisa and blessed to finally meet her in Palos Verdes where I was attending a Team in Training practice to share my story of loss that lead to a story of hope. That is why I think I instantly bonded to Lisa. She epitomized hope. Cancer knocked on her door. She knocked it down and through it all came out with a big smile that her friends know so well.

I was part of a small group of people that helped motivate Lisa to attempt her first half marathon with Team in Training. This is a big step for anyone but an even bigger step of faith for Lisa because when cancer attacked her.......it attacked her ankle and feet. Running was painful for reasons you can read below but she put her trust in others that she could cross the finish line. She had beat cancer. She was pushing through the pain and I am certain that on January 7, 2012 she would have fulfilled her journey and crossed the Walt Disney World Half Marathon finish line...........perhaps in pain but undoubtedly smiling big.

On November 3rd of 2011 this all changed because Lisa passed away of natural causes. Lisa's journey ended. God had other plans.

I learned of this news in a very emotional email and text from my friend Lori Jomsky (@lj3000 on Twitter). The news hit me like a brick. Lisa was doing so well. The future was so bright for her. After shedding my own tears for the loss of a friend, my first thought was that we needed to finish this journey for Lisa both from a fundraising and race perspective. I really think this was everyones first thought and some words heard tonight at a Team in Training event made it clear why this was the case. John Bingham, the Penquin, was speaking as he usually does at pre race Inspiration dinners. He spoke of an event he attended with his son tied to giving out Purple Hearts for the Army. At the event they shared the following warrior oath:

I will always place the mission first.
I will never accept defeat.
I will never quit.
I will never leave a fallen comrade behind.

When John read these words, he thought of Team in Training and how that is what we all do every day. We place the mission to beat cancer first. We will never accept defeat nor quit until cancer is a thing of the past....a chapter in the history books. This we must do because we will never leave a fallen comrade behind. We will not let one single person touched by cancer be forgotten and will fight hard for those currently affected.

I and a group of friends, immediately started spreading the word on Twitter that although Lisa Kelly had passed, her fundraising page lived on. When those messages hit the virtual world, Lisa was shy of having raised $3,000 but well on her way to her $4,500 fundraising goal. Within days her fundraising total had reached $7,000 and today that total sits at $17,000. This is an amazing testament to the person Lisa was.......the inspiration she provided while here.........and the legacy that will continue to live on long after she has passed. As Kim Tracy Prince confirms below.......it is also a testament to hope.

Tomorrow is January 7th. At 5:30am, the gun will go off and while Lisa Kelly will not physically be running the Disneyland Half Marathon......her journey will be completed. Eric Orvieto (@eorvieto on Twitter) and I will be carrying her bib for 13.1 miles to make sure we finish what she started. She exercised faith in us. We told her we would get her to the finish line. Tomorrow we will do just that.

If you would like to read more about Lisa in her own words, please take some time and read her blog: Call Me Dr. Lisa

If you would like to honor Lisa's journey and contribute to her fundraising page, you will find a link at her blog or you can go straight to her team in training page here: Lisa Kelly Fundraising Page

To close, I want to share something that her best friend wrote for the Team in Training Inspiration Dinner tonight. This was written to inspire, motivate and remember. In the words of Kim Tracy Prince:

The fact that Lisa Kelly is being honored tonight is a testament to hope: hope that there is goodness in people, hope for the strength of the human spirit, and the hope that love endures beyond the limits of our physical bodies.

Lisa started training for this race less than a year after surgery on her left foot to remove a recurring tumor. It was the second such operation she had, and also the second time she recovered with remarkable speed and determination, setting aside self-pity and competing in athletic events to prove to herself that she could beat cancer. This weekend was to be her first half-marathon. Her training was coming along nicely even while her foot was causing her great pain as the nerves healed within. Lisa was healthy, happy 40 year-old woman who was very much looking forward to this event.

However, Lisa passed away on November 3. Her cause of death was natural but as yet undetermined.

At the time of her death, Lisa was well on her way to her fundraising goal of $4,500. She was able to gather support from every community she touched - as a physician, she had a large base of support from the medical community. Her family and friends, who witnessed Lisa's incredible and inspiring journey from cancer patient to triathlete, were among her greatest supporters. She also gathered the admiration of strangers worldwide by telling her story on her blog and using Twitter and Facebook.

News of Lisa's death spread via personal message and internet updates, and within ten days her fundraising goal had been reached and surpassed. Because of the power of Lisa's story, friends, family, and strangers alike have donated money to this cause.

As an driven professional, Lisa had allowed physical fitness to take a back seat in her busy life. She was a neonatologist at Children's Hospital in Los Angeles with a grueling work schedule that included a swift rise up the ranks, the lead on an ambitious national database project, and a commitment to the advancement of international medicine. She regularly traveled to foreign countries to aid medical workers in destitute communities. At home, Lisa made time for her family and friends, never passing up the opportunity for a fun adventure if she could fit it in between work commitments. She was physically active, but not focused on her own health.

In 2007 Lisa was diagnosed with round cell myxoid liposarcoma in her left ankle - basically, a cancerous tumor on the nerve in the inside of her left foot. Initial treatment options included amputation - a horrifying notion to an active woman who considered herself unlimited. Her course of treatment eventually consisted of surgical resection followed by radiation. The treatment left Lisa in a wheelchair, with months of physical therapy and a complete redefinition of the life in front of her.

The prospect of such a thing happening is daunting to even the most active people, and the event certainly did give Lisa pause and lots of time to feel sorry for herself. But something happened. Lisa's grueling work with her physical therapist transformed her. She became obsessed with her progress, changing her diet and her lifestyle to maximize the healthy changes in her body. In that year, Lisa lost 75 pounds, regained her ability to walk, and decided to compete in a triathlon. After surgery and radiation that would have left most people barely able to walk within a year, Lisa completed that triathlon and became a true athlete - a person for whom physical activity was not just helpful, but necessary to her very spirit.

Lisa loved the rush of running, biking, and swimming. She craved exercise, even leaning on it to get her through emotional stress. Training was like therapy for her mind as well as her body. It was only fitting that she chose to compete in races for fundraising purposes as well. She was a very giving person, who used competitions as opportunities to educate and inspire everyone around her.

Lisa did not often dwell on the cancer in personal conversations. She preferred to keep her fear and suffering to herself. It was through her workouts and her goals of competition that she felt she was beating the cancer, that she was living her commitment to thrive, not just talking about it. In a way, as she wrote on her blog, although she never would have welcomed it, the cancer was a blessing, because her life was better after having gone through it.
epitomized
In its infuriating way, the cancer came back to Lisa's foot in late 2010. This time her treatment was more invasive - in addition to the tumor, part of the very nerve that gave feeling to the bottom of her left foot had to be removed. She was left with a numb foot, and far less mobility than after the first surgery.

But this time Lisa's body was in much better shape to withstand the trauma of surgery and followup therapy, and by then she was addicted to exercise. Within days of the operation in January of 2011, her occupational therapist approved Lisa to do chair workouts. Within a month she was up on crutches, and soon she announced her commitment to compete in a triathlon only 8 months after surgery. On the way to that event, Lisa signed up with Team in Training, a group that brought her something she didn't even realize she wanted: a new family. In them Lisa found people who were as fanatical about training as she was, and who were there for many of the same reasons.

This is a quote from her blog:...it's not just about the races, the athleticism. I want to give back to the cancer community that has supported me. I want fewer people to know this pain and fear. I want cancer in all its forms to become treatable, for fewer people to die. Raising money for Pediatric Cancer Research as a part of the Malibu Tri, raising money for the Leukemia and Lymphoma society as a part of training for the Walt Disney World half marathon - somehow this makes sense to me. It feels right. I chose to give back rather than kick, scream and cry. (Though, I've done that too).
When someone dies, we want to kick and scream and cry, and we do that, but then we need something else to do. Many, many people directed their grief and anger to Lisa's Team in Training website and donated money so that her training would not be in vain. Because people all over the world feel her absence, Lisa's efforts will still help cancer patients, and not just right now. Even after years pass and Lisa Kelly's name is not on our lips every day, the work she did during her life will continue to silently, thanklessly help people.

She may not be here to run in the race this weekend, but Lisa's shining energy that made people so happy will be carried on by her training comrades. This honor is not only for Lisa, but also for the spirit of hope that she represented. If this astounding fundraising success can happen because of one person, think about the power of what you are all doing. Lisa showed us that there is hope for us all.

2011 Ironman Wisconsin Race Recap

2011-11-19T12:55:00.001-08:00

As I sit down to begin writing this race report, it has beenover two months since I participated in Ironman Wisconsin. Some of the delay in getting thisreport finished ties to a crazy life that leaves me very little sparetime. That being said, I thinkmost of the delay is a result of my brain needing time to process and deal witha not so great day. There wereplenty of reasons why the day was not great but I hold myself accountable topush past obstacles and I did not do a great job at that with this race. I will recap what I know went wrong butplease note that none of these are meant to be excuses. My time is 13:45:57. Honestly before sitting down to writethis report I could not have told you what my time was (at the point where theday fell apart, I didn’t really keep my eye on the clock……..just gaveeverything I could to get to the finish line). I believe I was in much better shape than a 13:45. I am not talking sub 11….although Ithink with the right amount of bandwidth in my life I could get there……but Icertainly was in a position to break 12 hours. That very simply is why I struggle with this race. I was poised to have a great day. Training was going perfect…..or atleast as perfect as my life allows. Ridiculous events intervened and I didn’t cope with them well.

Ironman Wisconsin according to my kids

I had hoped the weeks subsequent to the race would allow methe time to feel better about my performance but that simply has nothappened. I unfortunately lookback on this race as somewhat of a letdown even though I know I should be proudto have pushed through and crossed the finish line. To me, not crossing really is not an option so that thoughtnever enters my head. I do theseraces for very personal reasons. It would take a serious crash and the inability to walk to keep me fromthe finish line. Sometimes it isthe very personal reasons that create the letdown. I look inside myself to rethink what I could have done toget better results. I rememberbeing on the course talking to Isabella and my Dad and apologizing. There was also a time I was inexcruciating pain on the bike where I told Isabella to hang with me and keep mewhole long enough to get to the run but we will get to that later. Anyway, what follows is my day. I tried to reason never writing thisreport but one day I will want to look back and remember the experience. Some time in the future I will alsowant my kids to read about this day. I saw them a few times during the run but ‘Ironman’ for them issomething very different. Theyspent their day with Mom at a children’s museum having no idea about thedetails of my day. My son, Jaden,wants to do an Ironman at some point in the future but he probably could notdefine exactly what that entails. Maybe these words will make a difference for him and for my daughterThalia.

As I stare at the computer, putting words to paper is astruggle but this is what I came up with:

I will begin with a quick recap of the months of trainingleading up to Sunday August 21^st. In summary, they went much better than I had expected. When I signed up for Ironman Wisconsin,I wrote a post about it (click here) describing that, for me, the race was notabout time. It was about thejourney and many other things. Ilead a very crazy life. I work alot. I put a lot of time into charity. I put a lot of time into myfamily. Ironman training wouldhave to work around all of this which meant a lot of late night runs, latenight bike trainer workouts and many early mornings of exactly the same. Outside of my long rides, I would say that85% of my workouts took place while the sun was down. Even those long weekend rides began as the sun was crestingmy garage. I had fellow peepssigned up to compete in Wisconsin but they usually start later in the morningand that would limit time with the family which was not part of my plan. If it were not for my amazing friend,Emily Conlon, all of my rides would have been solo. She was brave enough to battle my crazy hours and a friendenough to provide me some company on my journey and for that I will always begrateful. If I am to say any moreabout my training season, I would say that my swim workouts suffered, asexected, because of my schedule. My training schedule included 3 swims per week but not oncedid reality match the schedule. Many times, I only managed 1 swim during theweek. With about 45 days untilrace day, I panicked about the swim and tried to cram by using a poolbuoy. To build for the longdistance, I made myself pull for 2,000 yards each of my remaining swimworkouts. Not kicking and having touse my upper body was my attempt to make up for lost time.

This takes us up to August 20^th. Emily and I signed up for the CoolBreeze Century. I love this rideand I certainly love hanging with my friend so this was to be a great day and agreat day is exactly what was delivered. We rode the distance averaging 18mph and I did not even feelwinded. On this day, I would haverun a kick ass marathon off the bike. I ended this day feeling unstoppable. I had made it through my last long ride completing an injuryfree 9 months of training. I would have one more 4-2 brick (4 hour ridefollowed by a 2 hour run in case you made it here without knowledge oftriathlon training) the following weekend and then enter my taper to raceday. This 4-2 brick would nevercome because of a ridiculous fluke accident the following day, August 21^st.

August 21^st was also to be an amazing andemotional day. A great friend tomany, Laura Maloney, wanted to have a party. It was called Laura’s Heart Warming Party and it would notbe any ordinary get together. Imet Laura through Team in Training where she has been a participant on mymarathon team but more importantly has been an honored teammate for as long asI can remember. You see Laura is ablood cancer survivor and helps keeps participants connected to the cause. She unfortunately has recently seencancer come knocking again and it has her very sick. We had been having some difficult conversations about thefuture and in one of those conversations, the importance of this party was madeclear to me. As such, I reachedout to another friend, Lori Jomsky, and we proceeded to make the partyhappen. Laura has a lot of friendsthat are very loyal so the extent of this party planning was to set up a Facebookevent and send it out. From there,the party took care of itself. Plenty of food, drink and people showed up at Laura’s house. It was a tough day for me (and probablymost in attendance) because it was obvious cancer was taking its toll on ourfriend. Cancer had made our friendphysically weak but it certainly had not penetrated her spirit, which remainedas strong as ever. This spirithelped make for an incredible day. It was amazing to see all of the love and support showed by so manypeople. You might be wondering howan amazing party for a cancer fighting friend could possibly interfere with mypath to Ironman Wisconsin. Well, atsome point during this party, my friend Javier Rivera decided to throw me inthe pool. This sounds innocent enoughbut in my attempt to resist, Javier and I fell to the ground on the way to thepool. When I got out of the water,folks pointed to my bleeding knee and foot. I was perturbed at what I knew would be an inconvenience butthe wound didn’t look too bad. Ifigured everything would be fine in a day or two but this all changed when Igot home and began to clean the wounds. I poured Hydrogen Peroxide on my foot and when the foam cleared it wasobvious the wounds were far deeper than I had anticipated. I became very concerned and as hours,days and weeks went by, my concerns were validated because the wounds refusedto heal. In hindsight I shouldhave went straight to the doctor but you live and learn.

From August 21^st through race day, I would not beable to train. I would not……..exceptfor a one hour work meeting……even be able to put on a shoe. No matter what I did, the wounds wouldnot heal. I missed my 4-2brick. I missed everyworkout. With about a week to go,I finally went to see the doctor and he gave me some antibiotic to put on thewounds after telling me my race was at risk. Those were the words I both feared and knew werecoming. All I could do was use theantibiotics and pray. To say I wasfrustrated in the 3 weeks leading up to race day would be an enormousunderstatement.

•I wasfrustrated because I had done everything right for 9 months. I had remained injury free and with therace in sight I felt it had been stripped from me.

•Trainingfor an Ironman takes a lot of time…..time that I already said is in shortsupply in my life. Between mywife, and myself so many things were rearranged to allow me the opportunity tocompete. To go through all of thatfor so long and then have something obscure intervene was tough to accept.

•I was alsofrustrated at myself for being upset with Javier. He is a great friend and an even more amazing person. I wanted to reach out and make him feelbetter about everything but I couldn’t and for that I will always be sorry. Truthfully, much of my desire to healwas so that Javier would not feel bad. I wanted to have an amazing race day so that Javier would not bear anyweight from this stupid accident.

That didn’t happen though. My race was not amazing but I would like to go on record toJavier and say I am truly sorry. Iknow my friend would never intentionally do anything to harm my race orme. It was all simply unfortunatecircumstances that we can chalk up to a bumpy journey to race weekend. I really am disappointed in myself forletting all of this get into my head. As a coach I have shut people down many times during the taper to raceday. When it came to my ownexperience, I let the lack of training down the stretch cut into all thatconfidence I had built up for 9 months. In my defense, some of this lack of confidence came from some intensepain and a complete lack of understanding of how a foot that looked as horribleas mine could hold up for 140.6 miles.

Race Weekend

Before getting to the race, I want to quickly comment on thedays leading up to the race. Mostfolks know I am very active with Team in Training, which is all tied to mystory shared on this blog. A fewyears ago, some fellow Team in Training friends created So Cal Collective. To be a member of So Cal Collective,you have to meet the following criteria:

a)be a Teamin Training alumni, and

b)havecompleted or be training for a Half or Full Ironman.

So Cal Collective Practice Swim

The group has grown significantly over the years which makessense given the exploding popularity of triathlon in general. Although a member of So Cal Collective,I have not been very active training with my teammates……….not because I do notwant to but because of the scheduling issues I have already documented in thisreport. It really is the story ofmy life. Even at Team in Training,I am crazy active in the teams I coach but rarely show up to practice for theteams I participate on. I raise alot of money so I do not think folks mind except for those that miss myremarkable sense of humor. Anyway,the days in Wisconsin leading up to the race afforded me the opportunity tomeet many of my So Cal teammates for the 1^st time. This really was a highlight for me and,truth be told, it made me a little sad for all the training time I missed withthem. Everyone was very cool. All were Great people! They made me feel welcome even though I was an absent teammember.

Pre Race Dinner with So Cal Collective

We grabbed meals togetherfor the first few days until Crea, Jaden and Thalia would arrive on Fridaynight, September 9^th. Ieven did my first workouts in 3 weeks with these guys. I had a 20 minute swim in Lake Mononathen we all took a very short ride to test bikes followed by a 2 mile run. Albeit short workouts they were enoughto raise some concern for me. Just20 minute in the water and my much healed wounds got soft and opened up. If 20 minutes had an impact, what woulda 1.5 hour swim do? (yes……..I am slow in the water). On the bike, my foot didn’t feel too bad but on the run, theflex in my shoe was hitting right where my foot wounds were. It did not feel pleasant but at thispoint I had a better attitude. Iwould do what I could do. I thinkmy teammates helped in this regard. Many of my new friends were battling their own issues….IT bands, calves,etc, etc. Several alreadyanticipated walking the entire marathon. They had a good attitude about it though and that helped to make mestronger.

Saturday, September 10^th arrived………..I droppedoff my bike and my transition bags and back to the hotel I went. Usually this process is very stressfulfor me. If you haven’t done a fullIronman, you are used to dropping off all of your gear race morning. At 140.6 events you drop your bike andgear off the day before. Sayinggoodbye to your belongings can be a little intense but I wasn’t too concernedthis time around.

Saturday night……..off to bed.

Race Day

Race morning, as they always do, started bright and early. Iwould argue that most race mornings start the night before because your mind isalready on the race when your head hits the pillow. Instead of a sound sleep, your mind is living out the racebefore it happens or simply making sure you never hit too sound a state outsleep out of fear of oversleeping. I had rented a separate hotel room for mygear…..yes it gets its own room so I don’t stress about my kids disruptingeverything I have set out. Iusually would sleep in this room the night before the race but on this racemorning I woke up with the rest of the family. For some reason, I just wanted to be close with them beforethis day kicked off. I am not reallysure why but one reason is probably that I would not see them until the run onrace day. Ironman starts too earlyfor a 3 and 7 year old and especially a Mom that would have to wake them up,get them ready and fight the crowds alone with them. That plus the fact that the bike course really does notbring you back to town until your 112 miles are behind you meant I was manyhours from seeing any of them again.

I got out of bed well before my alarms went off and made myway to the ‘gear’ hotel room where I ate some of my breakfast and prepared myfluid for the bike. I went throughmy Special Needs bags to make sure I had what I needed. Special Needs, for those unfamiliarwith Ironman distance races, is basically the half way point of the bike andthe half way point of the run. Youcan put things you might need at that point of the race. For me, my bike Special Needs bagincludes hydration/nutrition for the second half of the ride plus CO2cartridges/tubes in case the 1^st half of the race was a battle withflat tires. Because my foot was abig uncertainty I also put in extra socks in anticipation of a bloodymess. My run Special Needs bag hadmore socks and a sleeve of Shot Blocks. Once I finished breakfast I woke up Crea as I promised her I would. One last hug, a pre race photo and Iwas off.

Swim start to the right. Helix to the left. You bike up that at the end of the ride.

After a mile walk I arrived at the race site. I dropped off my bags, visited my biketo drop off my Garmin and hydration then found some SoCal peeps and chilledout. I guess before I chilled out,I doctored up my foot. I coveredall my wounds in Liquid Bandage hoping to keep it dry before getting to thebike. I had a bottle of LiquidBandage in each of my transition bags as well. Anyway, with 30 minutes to go or so, we all proceeded tohead to the water, get in our wetsuits and take a test swim. The water was calm and felt great. After the test swim, we all just stoodat the edge of the water waiting for the 7am start. While waiting I decided to make sure my watch was ready togo and set to chronograph. I donot swim with my Garmin. It is onthe bike. I use a Timex Ironmanfor tracking my race time. When Ilooked down at my watch, it was blank…..BLANK. Not simply on the wrong setting but completely dead. Crea had taken my watch to get thebattery replaced before coming to meet me in Wisconsin. She tried out a new shop thatapparently did not waterproof the watch so I was minutes away from race startwith no ability to track my time. I was so upset that I threw my watch into Lake Monona (sorry Wisconsin!)where it probably still sits today.

As a side note here, a dead watch really should not have mattered. When I registered for this race, itwasn’t about the time. When myfoot injury transpired, race day was even less about the time. I had many conversations with my wifeand Emily Conlon about my mental state regarding race day. They were supportive that if I gave110% I should be proud and that pushing through the obstacles should be what Iam proud of. Crossing the finishline is what I should be proud of. I told myself the time didn’t matter a 1,000 times but my actions keptshowing I didn’t take it to heart. I cannot figure out why really. I think it is because I have friends, both real and virtual, that Ididn’t want to disappoint. I think it is because I know what I am capable ofand regardless of what I say, I have internal time expectations. If I am minutes or hours beyond thoseexpectations, I have to wonder and doubt. “Did I really give 110%?” “Could I have stretched the run interval by 30 seconds without fallingon my face?” Sorry for all ofthese tangents. As I write, Ireally am not sure I will ever advertise this post. It is feeling like an internal discussion and battle as Itry to come to grips with the results. If you are reading this, I apologize. My struggle is all tied to putting in so much time forsomething and not having it go as planned. Given my story, you would think I should be an expert atthis by now but I guess I have more to learn.

Within the mayhem hundreds are being kicked right now

Back to the race………the pros begin their journey minutesbefore the age groupers and then we are asked to enter the water. The Ironman Wisconsin swim is an openwater start. By this I mean we arenot all standing on the shore charging the lake when the gun goes off……..we areall in the lake treading water when the gun goes off. I am not so fast in the water so I tend to stay to the rearof the pack. It is interesting howeveryone has their own swim start strategy. Some hug the buoy line which for this race is to ourleft. Some start extreme right andtake an angle approach to the first turn. The advantage of being slower is that none of this matters. I went to the middle, right near theski ramp in photos, and stayed back 25 yards to let the faster people gofirst. Part of this is of courserespect because I do not like being in a marathon when slower runners crowd thefront corrals making it a lot of work to get around them and the other part, ofcourse, is that I do not want to get trampled and kicked…….which is virtually impossibleto avoid. Most people are aware ofthis but just in case…..in an Ironman, everyone starts at the same time. Most other distance races have wavestarts so that you are beginning with, at most, a few hundred people at thestart. At Ironman, the swim startis mayhem as you can see from the photo above. One advantage to the mass start for me is that I do not haveto feel bad when all the pink caps scream past me…….they started with me. In a wave start you may have 4-5minutes on the wave behind you. For me, many times the wave behind me is women. My goal in wave starts…….try to atleast get to one buoy before the women catch me (barely and rarely happens).

At 7am, the outrageously loud canon goes off and the swimbegins without much exciting to report. I swim and am quickly hugging the buoy line. I am excited I am not completely alone as with every breathI see folks. I catch a person or two but, again, starting at the back makes ittough to pass and be passed. Iremember the sun at various times was blinding. I had brought tinted lenses but on my test swim they seemedto leak a bit so I went with the clear pair I had been using in the pool. They didn’t leak but they made it hardto see when staring at the sun. Imade it to the first turn (Wisconsin is a 2 loop swim) of the first loop and,as advertised, it was a log jam. Everyone was doggy paddling trying to wait for space so this definitelycut into time but I was not worried because I didn’t expect too much on theswim nor did I have any idea of the time. The unfortunate part is that when I thought I finallyhad space to begin swimming around this first buoy, I got kicked very hard inthe face. I had been kicked manytimes before on a swim but this was by far the worst I took a foot to myface. I was very angry. I let it go and kept swimming andwouldn’t think about it much until the next day when it took me a minute toremember why the left side of my face was so sore. The remaining 1.9 miles was uneventful. I remember not feeling amazing…..nauseousa bit. This bummed me out a little but I tried to let it go. Onthe second loop I could definitely feel the effects of not swimming enoughthroughout my training and of not swimming at all down the stretch tied to myfoot injury. I was gettingtired. My pull was suffering but Ijust kept swimming, just kept swimming. I finally made the last turn and was heading to shore. I remembered the last time I turned toshore was at Ironman Florida where I had a good view of a shark 10 feet belowme. I gave a silent thank you to Wisconsinfor not being next to the ocean and continued on. I got out of the water, was relieved and tired andemotional. It was very strange buta wave of emotion came over me. Iam not sure why but guess it is tied to the emotion of the last 3 weeks leadingup to race day. This day had beenat risk and at least I was here.

I headed into transition. I did not feel rushed because I wasn’t overly concerned withmy time but I tried to be efficient and get moving. Once dressed I stopped by the sun block station where theylathered me up. They certainly didnot skimp on the block as you can see in photos. I was a sea of white lotion. From there I was off to get my bike then out on the course for a 113miles……yes I did say 113 miles.

It felt good to be on the bike. Even though I had not rode in weeks, I had a good trainingseason on the bike and felt ready to go. I had trained on plenty of hills riding at least 2,500 feet of climbeach week that would be needed on what was to be a tough bike course. The Wisconsin bike course is referredto as a lollipop course. You head16 miles out of town then do two 40-mile loops then head back into town on thatsame 16 mile stretch.

One thing I failed to mention here is that I was using racewheels. While this shouldn’t be abig deal I certainly made it one leading up to race day. At the 11^th hour I decidedto rent race wheels and every hour on the hour for 2 weeks I questioned whetherI should use them or not. You arenot supposed to try anything new and although wheels are not a big deal, I wasusing a Zipp 808 on the back which requires a valve extender which I had neverused before. My huge fear on thebike is not the distance……….it is flat tires. To use a new wheel set and a valve extender and tires I hadno history with (meaning they could have 3,000 miles on them already) had mestressed out. To make a long storyshort, I ended up talking to many people, probably upsetting folks at the wheelrental company (Race Day Wheels were amazing and I highly recommend them) withmy ridiculous questions but ultimately made the decision to use them.

The 16 miles out were uneventful. Truthfully, much of this write up will be uneventful becauseI really get in my own head and zone out to surroundings. To this day I will get race day photoswhere I am beside some amazing landscape that I cannot even remember. What I did remember was a lot of cornand surroundings that were far different than I was used to seeing in SouthernCalifornia. I remember thinking asa large tractor reminiscent of Frank in the Disney movie Cars crossed the road that I may never see something like thisagain. There were enormous barnsand silos that I had only seen in books or photos but never in person. It was all very surreal. There were people all over the placecheering on the bike course. Therewere very large crowds when you made it to the start of the 40-mile loop. I believe they were there to cheer uson knowing the big hills were to come.

IM Wisconsin has a lot of this

I was about an hour in and had finished my first bottle of fluid which quickly lead to the realization of my first problem. I did what you should never do……….changed my nutrition planfor race day. In my defense, I hadtested the new plan….or so I had thought. In training, I use Nuun and CarboPro. It always works for me I just hate dealing with the fizz ofthe Nuun which can get messy as I open up bottle caps. I had stumbled across GuBrew in a localshop a few weeks before the race and decided to give it a shot. There were two flavors but what reallycaught my eye was that the Blueberry-Pomegranite flavor had 490mg of sodiumwhich is far more than I was getting in my Nuun mixture. I am a heavy sweater and battle saltloss and as such cramping. Ithought GuBrew might finally be the answer to a long fought battle. I also wear a race belt which allows meto carry electrolyte pills but getting more sodium into my drink would be agood thing because it would allow me to zone out more and not focus onremembering to take the pills. Idrank GuBrew every day for weeks before the race. It tasted good and did not upset my stomach in any way so Ifigured I was good to go. I wasactually very excited about using it. There was only one problem here. I have room on my bike for one bottle on the cage and one Aerobottle onmy aero bars. Many people use arear hydration system off their seat but I cannot because of a freakish reverseMichael Phelps body. He has a longupper body and shorter legs which is a great thing for a swimmer. I am the opposite……..very long legs anda shorter upper body. This makesbike fitting a challenge. I amtall enough to be in a 60” or larger frame but because of my build this wouldhave me reaching too far for the handle bars. As such, I actually take a step down on frame size whichpushes my seat to a place that is very challenging to fit a rear hydrationsystem. Long story short, thisforces me to carry 3 hours of hydration/nutrition in 2 bottles (3 hours willget me to special needs where I can pick up new bottles). Because of this, I create one bottle ofnutrition at double strength. Idouble the amount of Nuun and double the scoops of CarboPro.

Side note here. I keep referring to hydration/nutritionon the bike. This is because I getall of my calories through my drink. The CarboPro is a flavorless powder that gives me carbs andcalories. I do not eat bars or anyreal food. Each bottle of fluid for me will have 500+ calories.

Back to this double strength bottle. It has never been an issue with Nuun soI did not think a double strength bottle of GuBrew would be a problem. Here is where my claim to be perfectfails miserably. I was very wrong. I went to take the first sip from thedouble strength bottle and it was like the thickest milkshake I had ever drank. It was very difficult to get thefluid out which made the rest of the ride challenging. After I drink my single strengthbottle, I always toss it and then grab a bottle of water. I did this in Wisconsin but I tried touse the water to ‘water down’ my milk shake concoction. I also needed to use the water to cooldown so the end result is that I drank too little and took in far too fewcalories. That double strengthbottle was supposed to get me to special needs but it lasted the entire ridewhich meant I would be a few bottles and many calories behind where I needed tobe. I wish I could say that thiswas my only biking issue but it was not. What are the other issues you ask? Here they are:

•In order to take some strain off of my foot injury, Islightly adjusted the cleat on the bottom of my left foot. I knew there was risk to this but Ireally didn’t have a choice. Icould not have too much pressure on the open wound so this adjustment was mysolution.

Making one of many turns at one of many barns

The end result of this slight adjustment was horrible footpain everywhere else on my left foot. Again, I knew this was all a risk but I had to try it. The slight adjustment multiplied by alot of miles led to truly excruciating pain. No need to go into detail except for this one story, whichleads to the next issue. I do notknow exactly where I was but it was towards the first part of the second bikeloop. I was beginning a hill climband when I applied pressure with my left foot, the pain was so horrible my eyeswatered and I must have let out a loud yell because a fellow athlete asked if Iwas okay. I didn’t even respondbecause I was so frustrated and literally fighting back tears of pain. From this point forward, I rode everyhill pulling and pushing with only my right leg. I could not apply hill climbing pressure to the left footanymore. The pain was bad butbearable on downhill and flats so for those I used both legs/feet.

•Last issue was simply bike mechanics. I am not sure why but I kept droppingthe chain when switching to the big ring. I was shifting down before the change but it didn’t matter. I almost crashed a few times because ofthe difficulty trying to get it back on leading into the hill. Anyway, I became so frustrated withthis that for the last half of the 2^nd 40 mile loop, I stayed in thebig ring. If you combine this withthe fact I was climbing with one leg and the fact that I was falling behind onnutrition, you can see where the rest of the day was headed.

This all being said, it was a fun ride. The town was amazing. The landscape was surreal and anamazing change of scenery for me. The crowds were incredible…..seriously incredible! I wish I had feltbetter to thank all of them because the hills were full of spectators cheering everyoneto the top. There was oneparticular small country road hill climb I will never forget. It was a narrow road and there werepeople everywhere. It felt like ascene out of Tour De France. Youactually had to pay attention because people were running up and down the hilland crossing the street. Themayhem wasn’t annoying. It wasspectacular and made me feel on top of the world despite all the battles I feltI was facing.

After the second 40 mile loop was done, needless to say Iwas relieved. One good thingI did on the bike was to NOT look at my pace. Here is one place I accepted I could only do what I coulddo. As long as I was giving 110%of whatever I had, the pace would be what the pace would be. I vowed not to look at my speed until Iat least hit 90 miles. Wherever it was that I first looked at the watch, I remember thinking itwas slow but I do remember thinking I left what I had on the bike course. I was worked and in a lot of pain. Cramps had started to reveal themselvesnow and then so I knew the rest of the day would be fun. I did the math in myhead and realized if I pushed hard, I could exit the bike under 6.5 hours. That is not great on any other day buttoday I would consider it a victory and it was something to shoot for. I was using my right leg/foot to tryand power myself. I used my leftfoot but really mainly on the pull….not the push. My speed picked up and I just tried to hammer it home. Ifyou look at my time, you will see that I did not finish the bike sub 6.5hours. Truthfully though, I didreach my goal. At 112 miles, mywatch showed me just under 6 hours 30 minutes but off to my right about a mileaway was the transition area. Ithink the course had been modified a bit and on this day I would ride just over113 miles. I would blame theGarmin except every single person I talked to said the same thing…….”whostretched the bike course”. Anyway, I came into transition which someone very evil created. When you arrive at the bike finish,transition is on the top level of a parking garage so you have to climb the helix at the Monona Terrace. EVIL!!!! It was over though so I knew at the topof this climb I would get off the bike. I reached the dismount line and had to pause for a second. Cramps were getting worse so I had oneof the volunteers help me to avoid a sprawl to the ground writhing in crampingpain.

Off to transition. Again, I didn’t feel rushed. My time was nothing to write home about andI could tell my cramps and foot pain would make the next 26.2 miles achallenge. I changed tops, triedto make up for some of that lost nutrition, put on my running shoes and hobbledout of transition.

Here is where I really tried to grit my teeth and tell mybody to FUC* OFF. I took off. My foot was killing me but I ignoredit. Tiny jolts of cramp kept hintingat things to come but I went out as if I was fresh and could pull a 3:30 on themarathon…….a time my training indicated was a real possibility. In training, I figured worse case mymarathon time was to be 3:45. Thatis how I ran leaving transition. Idon’t know my pace but I am sure it was sub 8:00 for a brief period of time. Very early in the race as I was nearthe capital I heard someone yell Chris and I knew it had to be my family. Someone then yelled Crea which Ifigured was someone trying to tell me my wife was there. I could not stop so I just keptgoing. As I hit the CapitalBuilding, the soon to be winner came down towards the shoot. DEPRESSING!!! Anyway, I tried to hold it together but it didn’t last toolong. All the work I had put on myright leg came back in a crippling cramp that stopped me cold. I was upset. I punched and squeezed my leg hoping it would subside. I tried to run again but the crampscame back in full force. I quicklymade the decision to try a 3-1 interval. I would run 3 minutes, walk 1 minute. My hope was that I could hold off the cramps for 3 minutesthen use the 1 minute to recover pushing the cramps farther away….then repeat. It actually worked for a bit. I kept a respectable pace for 2 of the3 minutes, fought cramps for one minute then walked. I honestly have no idea where I ever was on the run but soonafter I had missed my chance to see my family, I came across them again. Even writing about seeing them monthslater makes me emotional. I neededto see them. It was on the maindrag through town. I stopped totalk to them which would never happen if my time was looking good. I think that Thalia was asleep. Jaden told me to do my best and that Iwould finish. It was amazing tosee Crea. She is a big reason Irace and raise money to fight cancer. She is a big reason I am who I am. I don’t know if it was this 1^st visit with her, or the nextvisit, or every visit but I apologized for my performance. I know spectating is hard……althoughafter the fact it sounds like they all had a great day at the ChildrensMuseum……and my issues were going to make for a longer day than I wished for mywife. I also just want to dothings that make my wife proud and I was struggling to be proud of this dayeven though I really was giving all I had. Crea told me not to be sorry at all and that she was proudof me and off I went.

T2 For My Kids

A little while later I ran into a SoCal teammate Andrew Grant who was walking. Heknew he would have to walk the marathon because he was battling horrible ITband issues but I stopped to walk with him a second. We shared a laugh ortwo……cannot remember at what…….and then I told him about my 3-1 plan. I talkedhim into giving it a shot and off we went. About a minute later, Andrew unfortunately had to bow out ofthe interval but I kept going because I knew I was deteriorating fast. The rest of the run was much of thesame:

Crea Patiently Waiting: "What I found a baby before"

•I drank Coke every chance I could hoping to make up for the missingcalories and get in some simple sugars.

•I took my salt pills.

•I punched my quads and hamstrings begging they stop cramping.

•My 3-1 interval keptdeteriorating. It eventuallywhittled down to a 1-1 interval and I must say the running 1 minute might nothave been much faster than the walking minute. I took very short strides trying not to anger the cramping Gods andbecause it was hard to put any pressure on my left foot which had unbeknownstto me turned a lovely shade of purple and red. It was not the wound on my left foot that hurt……..it was theunderside of the foot which resulted from the shifting of the bike cleat. Either way, I was a mess.

The High Five Rule

I was disappointed but tried to savor what I could from theday. I remember running throughthe stadium where the Wisconsin Badgers play. That was very cool. I remember being on trails at times. I remember there were always people. I remember bumping into a SoCalteammate now and then. I remembertrying to cheer on everyone that I passed or was passing me (far more werepassing me of course). I rememberif I saw I child with their hand out for a High Five, I did what I could to getthere and slap that hand and thank them. It is kind of a rule…..”no child’s high five hand untouched”. I feel every little moment in a child’slife has the chance to be influential. It is only a high five…..I know. But it is also a moment when a guy in pain thought it important enoughto show gratitude for that little child standing on the sidelines. I saw the family a few more times andsome friends too along the way. Just as with the bike, the crowds were indescribable. People were everywhere screaming foryou. Despite the feeling of embarrassmentat not being able to run fast, I was very grateful for the support.

I made it back to the Capital Building which meant home wasnear. I made the last left turntowards the finish. A guy besideme told me to go ahead so we didn’t share the same photo. I offered to let him go first butdidn’t have the strength to argue so off I went. My legs were so wobbly. There was a slight downhill and I just closed my eyes andasked them to hold on for another minute. They did. I crossed thefinish line hours after I wanted to. I wish I could say I felt elation at the moment but I didn’t. I felt pain and disappointment. I guess I didn’t look too good because2 volunteers came up to me and asked a bunch of questions. I must not have been answeringcorrectly because they took me to the medical tent. I do not remember too much about it. A bunch of people asking me questionsand apparently me giving all the wrong answers. After some time……..not sure how much……clarity startedreturning. I remember a guy besideme asking if it was normal he was peeing blood. The assistant went to get someone else to provide ananswer. I took a moment to tell thisguy it was not normal and he better take a seat. I think I was supposed to stay there a while but I seizedthe opportunity when someone new came to ask how I was doing. Learning from my past, I responded“Fantastic, let’s get me out of here” which is what they did. I left the medical tent and found myfamily. I am sure I apologizedagain but I really do not remember too much. I even have pictures on Facebook that a friend took on thewalk back to the hotel that for the life of me I don’t remember taking.

Two months have now passed since I turned 3x Ironman. I still accept my time for what itis. I am still disappointed andfull of questions. IronmanWisconsin 2011 was going to be my last Ironman but I am not sure I can go to mygrave with this performance as my last. If this had just been a bad performance, I probably could live withit. I struggle, however, with someof the circumstances that lead to the bad day so I have begged my wife for onemore shot at the title. I want togo out my way….on my terms. WhileI am confident I left all of me on the streets of Wisconsin on September 11,2011, I would like one more chance to cover 140.6 miles with no asterisks. I am not sure what race I will choosebut hope that 2013 is the year that sees me cross my final Ironman finishline. I will close by saying whileI am not proud of my performance, I am very proud to have crossed the Ironmanfinish line. I am grateful to mywife for her support of my endeavor. She gives up so much to let me train forraces like these. I am proud tohave shared the day with so many amazing athletes. I am grateful to the 1,000’s of spectators that cheered forme on race day. I am grateful toall the kind words on race day from folks on Twitter and Facebook and Iapologize to those who had to wait so long for me to finish. I love this sport. I love all it represents. It issomething I try to carry with me on a daily basis as I do my entire story. I always say I run to remember so inthat sense my ‘extended’ race day gave me a little more time to do so and thatcannot be such a bad thing.

One last very good piece of news is that Laura Maloney, my cancer fighting friend mentioned in this recap, is now cancer free. I saw her at a Team in Training Kick Off and she looked much stronger and was doing great.

Final note is that I raised a lot of money to beat cancer on the road to Ironman Wisconsin. With your help, we raised over $27,000 and I personally reached my lifetime goal of raising over $100,000. It is now my wife's turn. She watched me train for hours. She has seen me complete Lavaman Triathlon the last 3 years with Team in Training. It is now her turn to carry the torch, fight the fight and show cancer that it lost the battle with her and will ultimately lose the battle with all. If you would like to help my 2 x cancer fighting wife fight back, the fundraising link at the top of this page is to her site. I would be honored if you show her the same love that you have shown me over the years.

Seventy Years: 10/9/41

2011-10-09T09:51:00.000-07:00

Quick Post. I know I always say that but this time it is a guarantee. Today is October 9, 2011 and it should be a day I am spending with my father. If we were together we would undoubtedly be:

Watching some football. He would go nuts today with the ability to watch every football game on tv on Sunday....let alone see every game on one screen
Sharing some laughs. He was a funny guy that would sometimes break off into a Seinfeld like standup routine. The example I always use is when he was on a plane that had been significantly delayed, he decided to help the crew. He dipped his cloth napkin in red wine, wrapped it around his head and proceeded to help pass out drinks pretending to be Rambo. P.S. This is why I have a whacked sense of humor.
Undoubtedly my Dad would disappear at some point during the day but we would all know he was sneaking in some work in some quiet corner of the house. My Dad imported wine so he would be working on some import documents, organizing (he was a mad list creator) or perhaps doing some stock research.
He probably would already have ordered the iphone 4S but if he hadn't, we would go order one together. My Dad always had the latest and greatest technology. It was a shame he passed away before getting to see the innovations that have been created over the past few years.
The day would have to involve some golf. I am not a great golfer but he was a scratch golfer.....self taught. He taught himself most things from reading. I still have a micro cassette recorder with 30 minutes of him stating all the tiny movements he needed to remember on his back swing.
The day would end with a fine meal out or perhaps with him cooking a nice meal. He was an amazing cook and I think it stemmed from a palate that allowed him to interpret ingredients at a detailed level. He could also eat a meal out then go home and create it.

Anyway, this is what our day would have been. Cancer took the chance for this day away from us on January 12, 2004. After a 15 month battle, cancer won a hard fought battle. As I have said before, this lost battle and this loss for my family lead me to amazing things. I run and bike and sort of swim now because of him. I learned how to fight back because of him. I learned how to lead others because of him. Over the years I have met some amazing people that are out there fighting cancer as well. Today, on behalf of my family and myself and my Dad, I want to thank everyone that has ever joined me in the fight against cancer. Today in particular there are folks out there running or walking for Team in Training or the American Cancer Society's DetermiNation program or for Susan G Komen or for an organization close to their heart. They are most likely doing it with no knowledge of my father but I hope they know their efforts help honor a promise I made to my Dad.....to end cancer.

I talked to my Mother a little while ago. I can hear sadness in her voice. She spent many more years with my father than I did and I can tell she misses him terribly. Time does heal wounds but I do not think you ever get back to 100%. I lost my best friend. She lost her best friend and soul mate. We talked about what Dad might be doing right now. I said that he would probably be golfing with Isabella as his caddy. Usually I think I am right but in this instance, I think my Mom's proposal is the more likely choice. I already mentioned my Dad was a Tech geek......fine leather and very fine pens too. This week we lost an amazing innovator, Steve Jobs. My Mom's theory is that my Dad is in heaven tracking down Steve Jobs to catch up on all the craze of the iPhone and iPad and MacBook Air and iMac, etc, etc, etc. Knowing my Dad, this is exactly what he must be doing which supports the theory that we should not be sad for those that have moved on..........they are in a great place...........we are just sad for the times we can no longer share with those people. I close with a photo of my Dad giving his toast as Best Man on the day

Crea and I married. He spoke through tears saying it is not a fair request to have him speak on such a special day. Just so he can feel we are even, I wrote this little post on a special day....also through tears. Cheers Dad. I am still raising a glass to your 70th birthday today. I miss you. Cancer will go down as promised.

2011 Hope Next Exit Raffle Winners

2011-08-28T16:25:00.001-07:00

Well it has been 2 weeks since I drew the numbers for the raffle so I figure it is about time I see who all of the winners are. I am aware who won the notebook and that is in process of being mailed. A list of all the winners are as follows:

$50 Starbucks Card: Greg Durbin

$50 Starbucks Card: Sara Schroer

DVD-CD Set (Date Night + Glee Club): Jennifer Whitter

Avatar 3 Disc Set: Ron Harvey

Deacon Jones Autographed Football: Marjorie Wilno

Punk Rock Racing Gear: Patty Lou Harris

HP Photosmart Printer: Bethany Chaney

Lexmark S815 Printer: Cooley Crew

Beats Headphones: Mark Kristof

HP Mediasmart Server: Brian Ring

Gateway Notebook: Fern Oliner

Thank you to all. Congratulations to the winners. I will be back with more prizes to help Crea Wilno in her fundraising efforts. I already have another notebook and a very cool HP Envy printer.

Hope Next Exit Raffle Drawing To Be Held August 13th

2011-08-10T20:14:00.000-07:00

FINALLY!!!!!!! Drawing for the Hope Next Exit Raffle will be held this Saturday, August 13th at approximately 3pm. I have to apologize for the extreme delay in getting to this. I want to beg your forgiveness and assure you the delay is not from sitting around watching television. Between an extreme work schedule, coaching for Team in Training, spending a little time with my family (I would have said 'spending time' but I know my wife, Crea, would have corrected me) and my training for Ironman Wisconsin, I generally do not stop for the day until 1am or so. As I write this post it is only 8pm and that is only because I am pushing off a 2 hour bike trainer ride until 4am. Anyway, I almost titled this post, 'I am an @sshole' and it would be appropriate but I will say sorry and move forward. Please do not hold this delay against me for there will be another raffle soon and this time it will be to support my amazing wife. I have taken all of the training time for the last few years. I have taken Sundays to coach. I have worked a ton of hours. Through all of this, Crea, has been an amazing support system. I could not have made much impact on the world had it not been for her support so after Ironman Wisconsin, I am going to let Crea have the spotlight as she plans to train for Lavaman Triathlon 2012 with Team in Training. I have done this race for the past 3 years and......thanks to all of you.......have been a top 3 fundraiser each time. This year I will trade places......I will watch the kids while Crea trains and ultimately gets out there to race. It will be a big day as she shows cancer what she is made of.

As a reminder, the prizes up for grabs are as follows:

HP MediaSmart Server EX495

Gateway Laptop - 15.6" Blu Ray, 4GB 500GB

Monster Beats by Dr. Dre headphones

Lexmark S815 Genesis All In One printer

HP Photosmart e-All-in-One printer

Punk Rock Racing Gear

Deacon Jones Autographed Football

Avatar 3 Disc DVD Set

DVD-CD Set: Date Night + Glee Rocky Horror Picture Show

2 x $50 Starbucks Gift Card (I added one as a penalty to myself for the delay)

I went through all of the donations and have compiled the list below of people that purchased raffle tickets. PLEASE REVIEW THIS LIST AND IF I HAVE NOT PROVIDED YOU ENOUGH TICKETS OR IF YOUR NAME IS ABSENT WHEN YOU BELIEVE YOU PURCHASED TICKETS........PLEASE COMMENT TO THIS POST SO I CAN REVIEW AND MAKE CORRECTIONS (if your name is here and you did not participate in the raffle.......you are welcome!!!!). Beside each name is a raffle ticket number. This coming Saturday, August 13th........which is my birthday if you really must know...........I will be at our Summer 2011 Team in Training reunion party. I will bring all of the raffle tickets there and your fate will be decided by folks with no interest in winning. I will communicate on Twitter/Facebook as the raffle begins. I will go one prize at a time by first announcing which one is being drawn for. I will then have someone pull a ticket which I will communicate via Facebook and Twitter again. To be safe I will include the actual prize one more time.

Please note I will NOT have the list of donations with me during the raffle. In my mind this is one added level of security since I will not really know who has an interest in certain #'s. Here is the list. Thank you so much for your support that helped me raise over $27,000 for Lavaman 2011 on my way to Ironman Wisconsin.

Name	Ticket #
Abhay Kulkarni	230
Abhay Kulkarni	231
Abhay Kulkarni	232
Abhay Kulkarni	233
Abhay Kulkarni	234
Abhay Kulkarni	235
Adam Del Vecchio	236
Adam Del Vecchio	237
Adam Del Vecchio	238
Adam Del Vecchio	239
Adam Del Vecchio	240
Adam Del Vecchio	241
Barbara Fuller	242
Barbara Fuller	243
Barbara Fuller	244
Bethany Chaney	245
Bethany Chaney	246
Bethany Chaney	247
Bethany Chaney	248
Bethany Chaney	249
Bethany Chaney	250
Brett Davis	251
Brett Davis	252
Brett Davis	253
Brian Ring	254
Brian Ring	255
Brian Ring	256
Brian Ring	257
Brian Ring	258
Brian Ring	259
Bryan Sloan	260
Calvin Lin	261
Calvin Lin	262
Calvin Lin	263
Caryn fishler	264
Christopher Hancock	265
Christopher Hancock	266
Christopher Rake	267
Christopher Rake	268
Christopher Rake	269
Christopher Rake	270
Christopher Rake	271
Christopher Rake	272
Christy Noel	273
Colin and the Cooley Crew	274
Colin and the Cooley Crew	275
Colin and the Cooley Crew	276
Colin and the Cooley Crew	277
Colin and the Cooley Crew	278
Colin and the Cooley Crew	279
Darlene Andronaco	280
Darlene Andronaco	281
Darlene Andronaco	282
Dashiell Nash	283
Dashiell Nash	284
Dashiell Nash	285
David Pittman	286
Dena Grablowsky	287
Dena Grablowsky	288
Dena Grablowsky	289
Don Chomiak	290
Don Chomiak	291
Don Chomiak	292
Douglas Sawyer	293
Douglas Sawyer	294
Douglas Sawyer	295
Douglas Sawyer	296
Douglas Sawyer	297
Douglas Sawyer	298
Edward Schober	299
Eileen Wolpe	300
Eileen Wolpe	301
Eileen Wolpe	302
Eileen Wolpe	303
Eileen Wolpe	304
Eileen Wolpe	305
Elizabeth Ryan	306
Eric Orvieto	307
Eric Orvieto	308
Eric Orvieto	309
Eric Orvieto	310
Eric Orvieto	311
Eric Orvieto	312
Fern Oliner	313
Fern Oliner	314
Fern Oliner	315
Fern Oliner	316
Greg Durbin	317
Greg Durbin	318
Greg Durbin	319
Inessa Vitko	320
Inessa Vitko	321
Inessa Vitko	322
Jared Morell	323
Jason Bass	324
Jason Zacher	325
Jason Zacher	326
Jason Zacher	327
Jason Zacher	328
Jason Zacher	329
Javier River	330
Javier River	331
Javier River	332
Jenna Chastain	333
Jennifer Conklin	334
Jennifer Whitter	335
Jennifer Whitter	336
Jennifer Whitter	337
Jennifer Zenuch	338
JoAnn Beluch	339
JoAnn Beluch	340
JoAnn Beluch	341
Joe Sebok	342
Joe Sebok	343
Joe Sebok	344
Joe Sebok	345
Joe Sebok	346
Joe Sebok	347
Josh Spector	348
Josh Spector	349
Josh Spector	350
Josh Spector	351
Josh Spector	352
Josh Spector	353
Judy Williamson	354
Judy Williamson	355
Judy Williamson	356
Kaleigh Vanalstine	357
Karene Katz	358
Karene Katz	359
Karene Katz	360
Kathryn Murray	361
Kristea Cancel	362
Kristea Cancel	363
Kristea Cancel	364
Kristy Brown	365
Laura Maloney	366
Laura Maloney	367
Laura Maloney	368
Laura Maloney	369
Laura Maloney	370
Laura Maloney	371
Lee and Kathy Quiring	372
Lee and Kathy Quiring	373
Lee and Kathy Quiring	374
Linda Vermeulen	375
Linda Vermeulen	376
Lisa Dracolakis	377
Lisa Dracolakis	378
Lisa Dracolakis	379
Lore Hernandez	380
Lori Jomsky	381
Lori Jomsky	382
Lori Jomsky	383
Lori Jomsky	384
Lori Jomsky	385
Lori Jomsky	386
Marjorie Wilno	387
Marjorie Wilno	388
Marjorie Wilno	389
Marjorie Wilno	390
Marjorie Wilno	391
Marjorie Wilno	392
Marjorie Wilno	393
Marjorie Wilno	394
Marjorie Wilno	395
Marjorie Wilno	396
Marjorie Wilno	397
Marjorie Wilno	398
Marjorie Wilno	399
Marjorie Wilno	400
Marjorie Wilno	401
Mark Kristof	402
Mark Kristof	403
Mark Kristof	404
Mark Kristof	405
Mark Kristof	406
Mark Kristof	407
Mark Kristof	408
Matthew Barnette	409
Matthew Barnette	410
Matthew Barnette	411
Maura McCartan	412
Maura McCartan	413
Megan Oconnor	414
Meghan Mcconnell	415
Melissa Anderson	416
Melissa Anderson	417
Melissa Anderson	418
Melissa Galyon	419
Melissa Galyon	420
Michael Kuhn	421
Michael Miller	422
Michael Miller	423
Michael Miller	424
Michael Miller	425
Michael Miller	426
Michael Miller	427
Michael Miller	428
Michael Miller	429
Michael Miller	430
Michael Sally	431
Michel Holtz	432
Miriam Sandy	433
Miriam Sandy	434
Miriam Sandy	435
Miriam Sandy	436
Miriam Sandy	437
Miriam Sandy	438
Nadim Bacchus	439
Nick Gardner	440
Nick Gardner	441
Nick Gardner	442
Nick Gardner	443
Nick Gardner	444
Nick Gardner	445
Patricia Lou Harris	446
Patricia Lou Harris	447
Patricia Lou Harris	448
Patricia Lou Harris	449
Patricia Lou Harris	450
Patricia Lou Harris	451
Patricia Lou Harris	452
Patricia Lou Harris	453
Patricia Lou Harris	454
Patricia Lou Harris	455
Patricia Lou Harris	456
Patricia Lou Harris	457
Patricia Lou Harris	458
Patricia Lou Harris	459
Patricia Lou Harris	460
Patricia Lou Harris	461
Patricia Lou Harris	462
Patricia Lou Harris	463
Patricia Lou Harris	464
Patricia Lou Harris	465
Patricia Lou Harris	466
Patricia Lou Harris	467
Patricia Lou Harris	468
Patricia Lou Harris	469
Patricia Lou Harris	470
Patricia Lou Harris	471
Patricia Lou Harris	472
Patricia Lou Harris	473
Patricia Lou Harris	474
Patricia Lou Harris	475
Penny Sprague	476
Penny Sprague	477
Penny Sprague	478
Peter Cilella	479
Peter Cilella	480
Peter Cilella	481
Peter Cilella	482
Peter Cilella	483
Peter Cilella	484
Peter Conlon	485
Peter Conlon	486
Peter Conlon	487
Peter Conlon	488
Peter Conlon	489
Peter Conlon	490
Peter Conlon	491
Rommel Calderon	492
Rommel Calderon	493
Rommel Calderon	494
Ron Harvey	495
Ron Harvey	496
Ron Harvey	497
Ron Harvey	498
Ron Harvey	499
Ron Harvey	500
Ron Kaloper	501
Ron Kaloper	502
Ron Kaloper	503
Rosalinda Batson	504
Rosalinda Batson	505
Rosalinda Batson	506
Rosalinda Batson	507
Rosalinda Batson	508
Rosalinda Batson	509
Sara Schroer	510
Sara Schroer	511
Sara Schroer	512
Sara Schroer	513
Sara Schroer	514
Sara Schroer	515
Sarah Hughes	516
Scott Clausen	517
Therese Soltis	518
Therese Soltis	519
Therese Soltis	520
Therese Soltis	521
Therese Soltis	522
Therese Soltis	523
Trisha Hegeman	524
Trisha Hegeman	525
Trisha Hegeman	526
Zsolt Kiraly	527

Thank You: Isabella Day 2011

2011-08-01T20:38:00.000-07:00

August 1st is drawing to a close and, while this will be brief, I certainly need more than the 140 characters Twitter affords me to say Thank You. I am not sure how many characters Facebook allows but I'm sure I am not capable of living within the limits so I come here....a place I need to visit more often...my blog. I want to make sure everyone knows how grateful Crea and I are of all the support you showed us today. It would be hard to thank everyone individually but please know we read every single tweet and every single Facebook post and every email. While we personally know many of the folks reaching out to us with support, we honestly have only virtually met most of you and I find that incredible. Today's world allows a voice to people like myself to find amazing people such as yourselves. The fact that you took the time to read my story means a lot. The fact that you took the time to help us remember Isabella is priceless.

Before I close, I wanted to say a few quick things.

"There's always going to be bad stuff out there. But here's the amazing thing -light trumps darkness every time." Jodi Picoult

Mine is but one story of millions that are out there. My story involves my father and Isabella and my wife fighting cancer twice. There are other stories all around us. Tomorrow, Isabella's Day is over but somebody else will be mourning the loss of a loved one. Someone will learn they or a loved one has cancer. Somewhere, someone will get bad news. Somewhere, someone's life will be turned upside down. This is exactly why I share my story........in the hopes that my words find someone that needs to hear them. There are blessings on the other side of trying times. They will find you.

"May we all give a little piece of ourselves away every day so that when we pass.......who we are continues to impact the world"

On occasion I am asked to share my story for groups of people. When I do, I always like to close with a message tied to Isabella's impact and what it means to you.......what it means to us. Isabella, as I have shared, is a big part of who I am today. Because of her impact on me, I have gone on to play a very active role with Team in Training. Because of her impact on me, I have shared my story to many. Because of these two things...........I have hopefully impacted other lives along the way and hopefully those affected lives have paid it forward as well. My question to all of us is this..........if one little girl that never uttered one word on this planet or took one single step can have such an impact on the world...........what can you and I together accomplish. We all have the ability to make a difference. We all have the ability to change the world. We just need to put ourselves out there and make it happen.

I wanted to close with one last thought and that is tied back to the hardships and the blessings that come from those hardships. I certainly miss Isabella terribly. She was my first little girl and sometimes her missing voice is deafening. That being said, I would not go back and undo anything and that ties to my belief that everything happens for a reason. I have often said I believe my wife might not be here if it were not for Isabella. Doctors found the cancer inside Crea that they would have no reason to be looking for if it were not for my little angel. Beyond that there are countless blessings and people that have come into my life that I otherwise would never have known. Truthfully, I would not have crossed paths with most of you reading this post if it had not been for Isabella. Lastly, and I do not say this too often but this picture is of my earthly angel Thalia. She is #3 for Crea and I. Number 3 never comes if Isabella doesn't volunteer for Heaven and I could not imagine a life without this precious little girl. Blessings come from the most trying of times.

Again, thank you all so very much!!!

I Believe In Angels

2011-07-20T21:51:00.000-07:00

It is that time again. It is hard to believe that another year has gone by let alone 8 years since the day my little Isabella passed away. I have to say the month leading up to Isabella’s Day is always challenging for me but for some reason the 2011 countdown has been especially difficult. There is no reason to try and understand why. More things have taken me to her. More things have reminded me of that day. More things have made me wonder what she would be doing if still here. The way I look at it, though, more reminders of my little girl cannot be such a bad thing. I never want to forget. I never will forget. I just miss her.

At the end of this post, I will ask a favor of you. If you know my story, this will be the same request I have asked in the past. If you are new to my story, know this has been my tradition for the past 8 years. The favor is simple so do not be alarmed. It is important though and is just about remembering my little angel on her day.

For those not familiar with Isabella, she is a big part of my story. She is a big part of me. She is a big influence over the person I am today. On August 1, 2003, the day before she was due to arrive in this world, Isabella passed straight from the comfort of my wife, Crea, to the hands of God. If you want to know the long story of that day, I wrote a post last year you can read HERE (might need a tissue or two).

Another year has passed and while I will not always have a new post on Isabella’s Day, this year I have decided to share something very personal for me and perhaps a little ‘risky’. I guess most of what I share is very personal but this will be different and is something I have largely kept close to heart. Truthfully, I have shared this story with very few people and only then at times when I thought it might make a difference. There are several reasons why I consider this post to be a ‘Risky’ one. The first is that it involves sharing a story and I do not consider myself very skilled at that task. I am good….or at least I think I am….. at writing in a manner that evokes emotion and makes you feel something but that is because I am so open about how I feel. This particular story requires painting a picture and I am not sure that will come off so well. Storytelling is a weakness of mine. I have many thoughts of writing a book………a book about running combined with my story………..a novel it would never be.

The next reason this post will be ‘Risky’ is because of the subject matter. I have wrote many times of death and hardship and pushing beyond. Unfortunately, that has touched me. Death and hardship may be a tough read but everyone can relate. This post is about life after death. This post is about belief and angels and faith. You don’t have to believe in what I believe in. I am certainly not writing this post to preach to you or convert you. I am the Christian guy that probably needs to wash his mouth out at the end of each day tied to some not so appropriate language and dirty jokes. I am not a soap box Christian but I can tell you this: it is my belief and faith that helped me survive all that has happened to me. It is a trust that there is some reason things happen beyond what I can explain. It is the belief I always share that blessings come out of the darkest of times. I can go home tonight and share a laugh with my wife because doctors managed to catch the cancer growing inside of her. They found that cancer early because Isabella passed away.

Coincidence? Perhaps, but I choose to believe otherwise.

My father could have been afraid to die. His final months could have been filled with fear but were instead filled with the comfort of knowing he was going to be with his little girl.

Idle hope? Perhaps, but again, I choose to believe otherwise.

This story takes place on the day before my father passed away. It is not a long story……….truthfully it is very short which may also be challenging for a long winded guy like myself. I am sharing it after consulting with a few people in the hopes that Someone……….Someday……….Somewhere………. is comforted by what they read here. You can believe or not believe. It is certainly your choice but I promise on all things important to me that I believe what you will read here.

It was January 11^th, 2004. I had basically been living in South Carolina since Thanksgiving of the prior year. When they told my father his leukemia was terminal, I made the decision to relocate and be with my parents for whatever time remained. It was tough on my wife, Crea, but she has always been supportive of everything that is important to me and clearly this was important. I am an only child. My Dad was the best man at my wedding and my best friend. I certainly was not going to learn about his passing via a phone call from my Mom. That is how I learned of my father’s diagnosis and it did not go so well as I crumbled to the floor in tears (the good news here is that I picked myself up and learned I was much stronger than I ever thought). It had been a rough 15 months. My Dad had fought hard. He had endured the chemo and begged for more. He had taken my phone call to learn he would not be holding his granddaughter Isabella……something he had been fighting to make happen. His voice was strong as I shared the news but I imagine his insides crumbled to the floor much like I had learning about his illness. The good news is that he picked himself up and decided to take strength from her passing. She took fear out of the equation for him. He would not hold Isabella in this lifetime but he certainly would hold her.

As a preface, my Dad was a stubborn stubborn man. I believe I have previously shared this but years before his fight with cancer my Dad had a mild stroke. When it happened, he initially refused to go to the doctor. Instead, he continued to hold business meetings with half of his face dropped as a side effect. He just told everyone he had come straight from the dentist’s office and that the Novocain had not yet worn off. His stubbornness made him (at times) a pain in the ass (somewhere my wife is whispering ‘so this is where you get it from’) but also made my father a fighter. I watched as he dug in and fought hard to recover from that stroke. He practiced his signature a million times until his amazing handwriting returned. He practiced his golf swing for hours and hours and hours never telling anyone at the club what had happened. I saw people make fun of him for his golf struggles because they didn’t know what had happened. My Dad wouldn’t let me say anything (or kick their ass). He would respond through his actions and hard work. In time, his golf game returned as a resounding rebuttal to the doubters. That same fight came out when diagnosed with blood cancer. I saw chemo beat my father down but he always got up and asked for more. When my Dad was informed he lost his battle and it was only a matter of time, he dug deep and refused to let cancer take his pride. At his weakest, he would still walk himself where he needed to go. He did not want help. He did not want to let cancer have that part of him. Towards the end, many people need help getting to the restroom. It was critical to my father that this never happen to him…….and it never did. Cancer could take his life. Cancer could not have his pride.

In those final months in South Carolina, whatever my Dad had the desire and strength to do, we would do. It might have been fishing or crabbing or as simple as mowing the lawn as my parents had never owned a house until South Carolina. On one occasion which happened to be one of his very last nights, my Dad (an amazing chef) decided he wanted to teach me how to make Penne Puttanesca…….translated Pasta of the Whores. My Dad shared my warped sense of humor so I somehow believe this meal was chosen more for humorous reasons than anything else. He was sick…….so very sick. I am including a picture of that night below. It will be tough for you to look at but will let you know just how close to the other side my father was. My Dad was an amazing athlete. Whatever he tried to do, he was good at. He had a great physique and was very good looking (which I hope is a sign of good things to come for me). You can see in this photo that cancer had taken all of that. You can see in this photo that we must find a cure for cancer. You can tell from this photo that the last 15 months had been one hell of a battle. What you cannot see in this photo is the determination and strength this man showed just to get to the kitchen to spend some time with his wife and his son. What you cannot see is the good time we all made out of a bad situation. This image is not how I choose to remember my father but I certainly choose to remember this moment.

Truthfully, this meal was the last moment I remember with my father. My Dad was very weak and the rest of this story very well may have taken place the next day. If it didn’t, I certainly do not remember the days in between but that is the most it could have been. My Dad had stopped being too mobile. He spent most of his time on the couch watching TV. It is on this same couch I thanked my father for fighting so hard and for teaching me so much. It is on this same couch I made sure my Dad knew he was my best friend. It was on this couch I told my Dad I would raise money to fight cancer on his behalf. I sometimes wonder if he knew at that moment I would go on to raise over $100,000, go on to complete an Ironman triathlon and go on to coach others to do the very same thing. He never said anything when I shared what I had learned about Team in Training. He just had a single tear running down his face and that let me know I had done a good thing.

On January 11, 2004, I went out to the living room once I awoke and my father was sound asleep breathing very heavy. It was not a difficult breathing but one of comfort and deep sleep. He seemed to be at peace for the first time in what was a long time. I was looking forward to him waking up so I could see how he felt or see if he needed anything……he sometimes would have me make a Starbucks run or go grab some food. That would never happen on this day. My Dad just kept sleeping and breathing in that same comfortable manner. The hours passed…….my father did not move an inch. Lunch went by…..nothing changed. Dinner with my mother and grandmother went by and finally it was time to go to bed. I knelt beside my Dad and for some reason I remembered something I had been told before. I couldn’t tell you who provided me this information or where I heard it but it screamed at me as I knelt in front of my Dad to say good night. What I been told is this: hearing is the last thing to go before someone passes so make sure you talk to the very end. This is what I did. I talked. I told my Dad that I Loved him. I thanked my Dad for fighting so hard. I told my Dad that we would miss him terribly but that we would be okay. I assured him I would take care of my Mom and Nannie (his Mom). I know my Dad fought well beyond when God wanted him because of his need to know my Mom had accepted he was moving on. I let me Dad know she would be okay and that it was okay to let go. I let him know I would see him again someday in a much better place and that he would have to teach me then how to be a better golfer.

Those turned out to be my final words to my Dad but I really did not know it at the time. You would think having shared all of this that I expected his breath to immediately fall shallow but I was just talking to my Dad so he knew how I felt…..so he could have some comfort if he truly could hear me. Off to bed I went and this is where my lack of storytelling will come to haunt me (if it hasn’t already). My parents lived in a gated community near Hilton Head Island. When the sun went down it was pitch black. Stephen King would have some amazing description for this darkness but for me it was a ‘walk straight into a mail box’ kind of darkness. You really could not see 2 feet in front of your face because there are no street lights and the houses are set back into the woods. Beyond the darkness, this is one of the quietest places I have ever been. You are well removed from the traffic noise of major roads and within the community, nobody is outside……..primarily tied to the darkness and the fact there are alligators in the area which you do not want to stumble across in the middle of the night. Lastly, the lots for each of the houses are big so you have a good distance between neighbors.

Got it? Dark. Quiet. Well removed from anyone and anything.

After talking to my Dad, I head off to bed. It is late evening perhaps around 10pm. I get in bed and try to sleep but am disturbed by the sound of women talking. I deal with it for a while but eventually get frustrated and decide to go tell my Mom and Nannie to be quiet or go to the other side of the house so I can sleep. I open my door but nobody is there. My grandmother is in her room and there is nothing but silence. A quick look into the kitchen reveals no one and the television in the living room is turned off. I write this off to a timing issue and head back to bed. No sooner does my head hit the pillow when the talking begins again. Ladies again but it sounds like many of them so I wonder if neighbors had come by in the middle of the night which would be quite an odd event. I open my door to nothing but silence again. I look out the windows……..nothing but darkness. Nobody is at the front door. Television is still off. Grandmother is still in her room. Off to bed I go and again the talking. Still only women but I notice a younger voice this time. I am thoroughly confused but decide I will take one more look. I go outside to silence again but decide to look for my Mom. All the lights are on in the house now but my Mom is nowhere to be found. I look in her room and she is not there. I check the attic……….she is not there. Again, no television, no grandmother, no-BODY. I lie back down, hear the voices but finally fall asleep.

The next voice I hear is my Mom.

“Your Dad has passed away” she says.

I knew those words were coming. They were expected and they made sense to me. I know that may sound odd but any other words would have seemed out of place to me at the moment. My Dad had let go. He had trusted that we were ready…….that we were prepared and he went to see his granddaughter.

Why is this story one of faith and belief? That part comes later the next morning over breakfast. We had all said our final goodbyes to my father. The funeral home had come to get him and had pronounced him dead at around 12:30am on January 12^th. We went to bed and woke up later that same morning……….the first of many without my Dad. Over breakfast, I decided to talk to my Mom and share my story about the chatting ladies. At revealing my news, my mother had this look come over her face that gave me a Sixth Sense kind of moment. You see, my mother had heard those same voices and performed those same searches. Each time, my Mom had the same findings as I did………no television, no grandmother, no neighbors, no-Body. When I was looking for my Mom, she was looking for the ladies and the little girl……..that is why I could not find her. This is where you have to choose what you believe. What I believe………..actually, what I know is that while I never got to hear Isabella laugh or cry, I did get to hear her in joyous conversation as she came to get my father and take him Home. That was what he was waiting for and for whatever reason, I was able to be a part of and hear the pre-party. I believe in Angels. I believe Isabella and my Dad can check in on me. I believe they are with me when I put in the miles and are with me at the finish line of all my races. They are not looking at the clock. They don’t care about the time or if I set a PR. They just want to share that moment of completion with me. It is this belief that motivates me on a daily basis to try and live a life that makes them proud. It is this belief that keeps me running. I feel closest to them when I am out on the streets. We all have our reasons to run. For me, I run to remember.

Thanks for reading. I hope it was worth your time and that at some point in your life this story might help you have a little hope or cause you to exercise some faith. Now to the favor I ask every year on Isabella’s Day. It is simple but so very important to me. Isabella’s Day is August 1st. All I ask is that at some point during this day you raise a glass to my little Angel. It can be a fine red wine, a shot of tequila, a glass of water or a cup of coffee (no decaf allowed!). The drink does not matter to me. It is a gesture. It is a means to help me remember the little girl that lived a short life but had a great impact. Thank you so much.

To Isabella!

Hope Next Exit Raffle - The Sequel

2011-02-22T11:18:00.000-08:00

Hope Next Exit is back. Actually 'Hope Next Exit' never really left and is a mantra I try to live by as it pertains to fighting cancer. The Hope Next Exit Raffle is back. If you are not familiar with the birth of this Hope Next Exit picture on the left, it began late 2009 when my wife was diagnosed with cancer a second time. For those familiar with my entire story, please bare with me while I briefly share it for those that arrived to this post without the full story. I go through life assuming everyone knows my story because I have shared it so many times. Recently, however, I have been reminded on several occasions that the masses are not familiar with my story. By recent, I literally mean yesterday based on interaction with Michelle Jacobs (@BklynRunner on Twitter). We have chatted in passing on Twitter and share common Twitter friends so I assumed she was well aware of my losses. Yesterday, I was sad to see that Michelle's Mom, Ida Jacobs, was not doing so well. I reached out to see if I could help and we exchanged a lot of messages. Ultimately I learned that Michelle's Mom was deep in sleep and had been the entire day. This was a mirror image of my father's last day before passing. What our respective parents also shared was that they each had leukemia. Anyway, I offered what I could to help and I shared a very personal story and could only hope it helped. That really is why I share my story....hoping it helps someone in a similar circumstance or someone that has been through trying times and needs to know there is an amazing future beyond hardship. It usually does and that is one of the many blessings that comes out of the my experience. Unfortunately Ida passed away last night. My prayers are with Michelle and all of Ida's friends and family. Mom is now an angel...pain free and dancing. I will keep her and this story close to my heart as I push towards Ironman Wisconsin on September 11, 2011.

Back to the short but full version of my story. Over a 15 month period of time beginning late September 2002, my father was diagnosed with leukemia. While he was fighting, my wife Crea became pregnant with our first child together, Isabella Soleil Wilno. In August, 2003, Isabella passed straight from the warmth and comfort of being with Mom for nine months to God. She passed away at birth and shortly after, my Dad was told treatment would not help. I moved out to be with my parents until he passed which took place in January 2004. Shortly after, while pregnant again, my wife was diagnosed with cancer. We had the tough decision of fighting the cancer first or giving birth to our son Jaden first. We opted for the latter.......my son was born a healthy and fat child....two weeks later my wife was dealing with all the things that come with fighting cancer. She beat it. She is tough. Almost 5 years to the day later, we were back at the doctor thinking we were beyond this cancer forever. Instead, the doctor told us the cancer had returned. My wife beat the cancer a second time in early 2010. Along the journey we met with various surgeons and in one particular waiting room (which I like to call the 'Theater of Good News to Come), I saw the 'Hope Next Exit' picture above. It became our fighting words. After her successful second battle with cancer, we threw a party called Hope Next Exit and I launched the first raffle.

Almost a year has passed. I am now participating in my 11th Team in Training event, the Lavaman Olympic triathlon on April 3, 2011. It is one race on the road to Ironman Wisconsin in September. As I type this entry, I have raised approximately $13,000 for this race. I am in the running for Top 3 fundraisers. More importantly, life to date I have raised $93,000 and am $7,000 away from my lifetime goal of raising $100,000. None of this is about the glory or prizes or being a top fundraiser or even being acknowledged. For me it is about setting goals beyond my reach and chasing them down. It is about living up to the promises I made to my Dad and Isabella and my wife. It is about making sure cancer makes an exit in the near future. We need a cure. We must find a cure. That is why I am here and that is why I am launching

HOPE NEXT EXIT RAFFLE - THE SEQUEL

It is simple. I am selling 250 tickets for some cool prizes. You can see the list of prizes and some pictures of key prizes by clicking the HOPE NEXT RAFFLE PAGE. The details are at this page but in case you do not want to leave this site, here are the details:

1 ticket for $20, 3 tickets for $50

If you give an odd amount, I will give you tickets based on this formula (e.g. $70 = 4 tix)

I will do my best to cut off the raffle at 250 but it may go slightly over. I have mailed letters out about the raffle so I have no idea what money is in transit. My goal is to be as close to 250 as possible so your chances of winning are as advertised.

Prizes As of Now (retail value approximately $2,250)

HP MediaSmart Server EX495

Gateway Laptop - 15.6" Blu Ray, 4GB 500GB

Monster Beats by Dr. Dre headphones

Lexmark S815 Genesis All In One printer

HP Photosmart e-All-in-One printer

Punk Rock Racing Gear

Deacon Jones Autographed Football

Avatar 3 Disc DVD Set

DVD-CD Set: Date Night + Glee Rocky Horror Picture Show

$50 Starbucks Gift Card

You do not have to do anything other than click on the link in the top right of this page. It will take you to my Team in Training fundraising page. You donate and I will make sure to allocate tickets to you. I will create a separate blog entry tracking raffle ticket holders but as of now, we have sold 132 of the 250 tickets. Only 118 tickets are left!!! Current ticket holders are as follows (please let me know if I am missing you):

Zsolt Kiraly	1
Calvin Lin	3
Maura McCartan	2
Nick Gardner	6
Dena Grablowsky	3
Caryn fishler	1
Mark Kristof	7
Brian Ring	6
Christopher Rake	6
Abhay Kulkarni	6
Michael Miller	3
Josh Spector	6
Kristy Brown	1
Laura Maloney	6
Michael Miller	3
Christy Noel	1
Bethany Chaney	6
Ron Harvey	6
Eric Orvieto	3
Jenna Chastain	1
Eileen Wolpe	6
Sarah Hughes	1
Michel Holtz	1
Bryan Sloan	1
Scott Clausen	1
David Pittman	1
Elizabeth Ryan	1
Jennifer Zenuch	1
Douglas Sawyer	6
Lori Jomsky	6
Jennifer Conklin	1
K Melissa Galyon	2
Edward Schober	1
Rosalinda Batson	6
Fern Oliner	3
Nadim Bacchus	1
Penny Sprague	3
Christopher Hancock	2
Kristea Cancel	3
Brett DAvis	3
Jason Zacher	5

THANKS TO ALL FOR EVERYTHING OVER THE YEARS. I DID NOT RAISE $93,000 WITHOUT AMAZING SUPPORT. THANK YOU FOR HELPING TO PUSH ME TO THE FINISH LINE OF MY $100,000 GOAL AND FOR PUSHING THE WORLD TO THE FINISH LINE WHERE THE END OF CANCER IS CELEBRATED. I DO NOT DRINK. I WILL HAVE AN AMAZING GLASS OF RED WINE ON THAT DAY. MY DAD IMPORTED WINE. HE WOULD APPROVE.

A Big Victory - My SB Auction Journey

2011-02-03T11:48:00.000-08:00

It will be big or it will be nothing.

These were the words I told my wife and emailed to Lori Jomsky when the crazy eBay idea entered my head. A lot has transpired since I exclaimed these words two weeks ago. Along the way, my already high faith in people soared, my already certain belief that cancer will be cured solidified and, although I had a moment of lapse when eBay pulled my auction, my belief that blessings come from trying times was confirmed.

Over the years I have raised over $80,000 to help fight cancer. On that journey, not too many creative juices were required. Out of the gate, the circumstanc

es of my story were so current that people openly pulled out their checkbook. Lose a father, lose a daughter, watch your wife fight cancer while pregnant with your son……………..that tends to tug at the heart strings. All I did was share my story as openly and honestly as I could. I have done that ever since in the attempt to end cancer……in the attempt to show people a way to their abilities………in an attempt to maybe help a struggling soul along the way. That coupled with increasing endurance race distances coupled with perhaps a Super Bowl Pool or raffle here and there lead me to where I am today.

Jump to January 15, 2011. I had just watched Green Bay destroy the Atlanta Falcons while I sat in the living room wearing the first ever Atlanta Falcons hat I owned. I grew up in Atlanta (and Florida which is why I also cheer for the Dolphins) but in 44 years never owned a hat. After the loss, I had a Sixth Sense type of moment where I realized earlier in the year I broke down and bought a Boise State Broncos hat to watch them lose and end their run at a National title. I also broke down and bought an Oregon Ducks hat to sit in my living room and watch them lose the National title to Auburn. Three h

ats bought…..three big losses. I also flashed to my life as an Atlanta Braves fan where they have made it to the playoffs many times but have only won the World Series once. That one time……..when they clinched the World Series with a victory over Cleveland………..I was at a wedding unable to watch. Bad Karma? I have never thought of myself as bad luck but these facts rang in my head so I came up with the idea to auction off this bad Karma to either Pittsburgh or Green Bay as a fundraiser to help fight cancer. I can deal with my Bad Karma. I cannot deal with watching any more suffering that cancer brings to this world.

I reached out to a friend Lori Jomsky (@lj3000 on Twitter) with the idea. She really didn’t know what to think but the beauty of Lori is that she would make it happen anyway. I didn’t know anything about eBay. I only had the idea. She didn’t know anything either but she reached out to a friend, Ray Montague (@zumadog on Twitter), and my silly idea was born.

It will be big or it will be nothing.

A few days after the launch of the auction, the Green Bay Gazette and the Pittsburgh Tribune reached out interested in the story. I wish I had a video of the shock that must have appeared on my face when news of this reached me. My silly idea was newsworthy. Next www.boringpittsburgh.com posted a great article on my story in the hopes that a Pittsburgh corporation would step in and make a difference. I loved that this article called out the city’s love of the Steelers and their love of charity. It almost made me want to root for Pittsburgh but then again, that could be a curse. News of my story made it to Chris Schauble (@ChrisNBCLA on Twitter) of NBC LA and, with no push from me, Chris presented my story to the station. Other than a high five at mile 26 of his 2010 Ironman Kona journey, Chris only knows me through Twitter but he jumped in to help. On Sunday, January 30^th, Fred Roggin shared my story in his sports report and a few days later another 30 second spot of my story aired on the 6pm NBC LA news.

Unfortunately, the same night as this last NBC story aired eBay, for whatever reason, pulled my auction citing it was inappropriate. Inappropriate? I am just trying to raise money to fight cancer. The money is not even going to me. I am not funding my kid’s education. I am not trying to go on a vacation. I am trying to save lives. What was newsworthy and a human interes

t story was not okay for the auction site. To say I was angry was an understatement. In a few hours, the Pittsburgh Tribune article would run and now the link would not work. The ability for this auction to raise big money was over……or was it. Lori and Ray worked launch a new auction site, http://r.ebay.com/4NL34C , and, as I’m typing this post on a morning flight home, I am certain folks are fighting to get the old link posted again. I went to bed upset but thank God I only had 2 hours to sleep before waking up to fly back to Los Angeles.

I woke up with a different perspective. I stepped back and noticed the results that were right in front of my face. What started as a silly little idea turned into something much more. It started with a friend that took the time to turn my concept into reality. It started with Twitter where folks that have never met me in real life made the effort to share my story. It started with a good man that doubles as a news anchor who cared enough to fight on my behalf. It started with some newspapers that thought a funny story combined with human interest was worth a read. It all lead to 1,000’s of people learning about my journey……..not just the auction but the events that lead to the auction. It led to further promises fulfilled to my Dad and my wife and Isabella. It led

to an amazing call from my two amazing kids screaming “Daddy, you were on tv!!!” which is a moment I will NEVER forget (thank you again Chris!). It led to more awareness of the battle going on to end cancer. I am confident it will lead to others joining the fight. I am confident it will lead to others realizing they can make a difference. I am confident someone on the couch yesterday might get off it today. I am confident a non-runner at the start of this week will take their first steps soon and run 26.2 miles one day in the future.

Thank you to all that made this happen this week. There are way too many of you to call out individually. You know who you are. Please know I am grateful. To NBC, and the Green Bay Gazette and BoringPittsburgh.com and the Pittsburgh Tribune……….thanks for your faith in me and my apologies for this eBay debacle.

It will be big or it will be nothing.

I do not need to monitor the auction. This is already BIG regardless of what transpires on eBay.

Note: in the last 5 minutes my story has made its way to the Yahoo home page, MSNBC a

nd Fox Sports. Amazing!!

As a side note, if my story has inspired you, you can donate above and use my bad karma however you wish!

UPDATE

It is 8:40pm on Saturday and I wanted to type a brief update to the above post. The last day of the auction was a blur. After I posted the above entry, my story started appearing everywhere. I was getting texts, emails and IM's. The first arrived alerting me I was on the Yahoo Home Page. At work, vendors and customers were seeing my story and sending me the link. From there I received calls from the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society headquarters asking if they could submit my story to The Today Show.......nah, I will hold out for better........of course, you can submit my story to The Today Show. From there, Fox Sports, MSNBC, MSN, NFL team websites all were running my story. It was pretty amazing. I did make the mistake of reading some of the comments at the posts.....there are certainly some people who think everyone in the world is a con artist that clearly doubted my story was true to which I reply: I certainly wish it were untrue. It would be nice to sit down and watch the Super Bowl with my Dad and Isabella but we move on and make the most out of our losses. I really think the Thursday press craziness stemmed from the Wednesday night airing on NBC coupled with the Thursday morning publication of my story in the Pittsburgh Tribune. That created a wildfire of press that will surely be a proud moment for as long as my mind is capable of remembering. For when my mind fails to remember......here are some links to a few articles: Fox Sports Yahoo MSNBC Business Insider Boring Pittsburgh

The last update is that the high bid closed Thursday night at $1,625. I woke up excited. To be honest, I hoped it would raise more and that a corporation like Heinz or Alcoa from Pittsburgh would see the article and step in to help. I was still however very happy and proceeded to reach out to the high bidder J Shepherd of Arkansas. He was non responsive despite even Ebay reaching out to him. On to bidder 2 and ultimately bidder 3. Nothing. Apparently people thought is was funny to bid with no intent to donate which truthfully is a little hurtful given the personal nature of my story. Ultimately, I have to choose to believe that if all of these bids were fake, ultimately this was a great human interest story but not a great fundraiser. On that note, I just want to apologize and thank all of the press that helped not only promote my story but promote Team in Training, The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society and the entire mission to #beatcancer. I am grateful again to the Green Bay Gazette, Boring Pittsburgh, Pittsburgh Tribune, Lori Jomsky, Ray Montague, Michael Sally, Chris Schauble, specifically Karen at the Pitt Tribune for taking the time to get to know me and my story, all the sites that shared the press and all my real and Twitter friends for sharing in all the media excitement. I also want to thank David of @ebay who stepped in Thursday night to protect the auction from shutting down and for trying hard to get a bidder to contribute. It did not all work out at this moment in time financially for the cause but I am sure there are people that will join Team in Training or some fight against cancer because of seeing the article so, in the long term, Cancer is the loser here.

To close, I am going to be rooting for Green Bay and test out this whole Karma thing.......partially because the GB hat arrived first but largely due to the chance this whole Bad Karma thing is real. The Pittsburgh community embraced my story and I would hate for them to lose having me feel responsible. So.....we will see. Whoever wins......IT'S NOT MY FAULT....OR IS IT?

Another Beat Cancer Showdown - Hope Next Exit Raffle, the Sequel

2011-01-07T18:18:00.000-08:00

Here we are again. I guess more importantly, here I am again asking for help. Truthfully, I am just the voice of the world, the voice of children watching their parents fight cancer, the voice of a husband or wife watching their loved one undergo chemotherapy, the voice of parents begging to trade places with their baby that saw cancer knock on the door of childhood. Over the past 7 years I have shared my story with people hoping it would help ease some pain, hoping people would see that there is a world of blessing beyond the trying times and hoping to teach there is an ability in all of us to accomplish the impossible……..an ability in all of us to change the world. I have been blessed to witness this countless times. I have seen people change. I have seen the world change.

If you somehow made it to this page without knowing my story, you can read the first entry of this blog. The short version is that in a brief period of time my Dad was diagnosed with leukemia, my daughter Isabella passed away and my wife was diagnosed with cancer. My Dad lost his battle. My wife won hers for 5 years and then cancer made a return visit. My wife is tough though. She went to her second cage match with cancer and was once again the victor. These facts are only part of the story. They are the first chapters of a much longer book that has a joyous ending. If you know me in real life or through this blog or through twitter, you know I don’t choose to focus on the sad facts but instead the blessings that came from my story. Several of those blessings are what brought me to ask you for help yet again. When my Dad’s disease was declared terminal, I decided I would run a marathon to honor his battle. As his son and best friend, I couldn’t just sit back and watch him die. The decision to run a marathon led me to Team in Training and a promise to my father to fight back against the disease that took him from me. It was an easy choice really. He would have done the same for me.

I honored that promise. I crossed my first marathon finish line in December 2004. I will remember that finish line forever. I immediately found my wife, Crea, fell into her embrace in tears and told her that was the hardest thing I had ever done. Other than holding my daughter Isabella in my arms, it truly was the hardest thing I had ever done. Not simply for the pain the marathon wall can bring but because Race Day is my time with my Dad and Isabella. I spend those miles thinking about them and talking to them. It sounds weird I know but I like to think they share each race with me and are at each of my finish lines. Race Day is our check in time. I let myself go to them, reflect on my life…..make sure I am living the life that makes them proud.

When I signed up for Team in Training, it was for one event. That one event changed my life and it helped me to see I can help others change their lives. I went on to mentor and ultimately coach for Team in Training changing my life even further. Seeing hundreds of people cross their first finish line…seeing them raise literally millions of dollars…….seeing them develop a tremendous confidence level about their ability to have an impact…….all quite a blessing.

Seven years have passed. I have raised almost $80,000 in that time span. I have a goal. It is $100,000. I am not sure if 2011 is the year I hit that goal but I certainly can try. I am going to participate in Ironman Wisconsin on September 11, 2011. I am not worried about my time. I am in it for the journey and another long day with my Dad and Isabella….another day to honor the battles won and lost…….another day that brings us closer to a cure for cancer. This Ironman is not an official Team in Training event so I will use other TNT races along the training path to Ironman. The first one of the year, my 11^th event as a TNT participant, is Lavaman Triathlon in April 2011. I need your help. The world needs your help. Cancer has taken a break from my family but it continues to impact lives on a daily basis. With that I come to you to help fund more stories of hope. I want the rest of the world to see their wives, their children, their Moms, their Dads, their loved ones beat cancer. I want future generations to have to read about cancer in the history books. I want to win this battle. I have set a goal for this race of $10,000. To help get me there, I am launching the second Hope Next Exit raffle. Thanks to Jeff Webb, @wsearunner on Twitter, we will have a web page showing off the prizes soon (please send Jeff’s family your prayers as leukemia has just touched his father). For now, I will give you the basics.

One (1) Raffle Ticket = $20

Three (3) Raffle Tickets = $50

I will only sell 250 tickets so you have a 1 in 250 chance of winning something

Current Prizes

HP Media Smart Server

Gateway 4GB Notebook

Monster Beats Headphones

Punk Rock Racing Gear

HP Photosmart Printer (with eprint technology)

Lexmark All in One Printer

Avatar 3 Disc DVD set

DVD-CD set: Date Night + Glee Rocky Horror Picture Show

More to come but these retail for over $1,500 already

To participate, all you have to do is donate at my Team in Training fundraising site. There is a link to that site at the top right of this page. In case the link is not working, you can simply go to http://pages.teamintraining.org/los/lavatri11/beatcancer . You do not have to do anything special…..just donate through the normal process. I will issue you a raffle ticket(s) and will list all raffle ticket holders as an entry on this blog so you know you are accounted for.

To jump start the raffle, we are going to kick it off on Sunday, January 9^th at the Walt Disney World marathon…….day 2 of the Goofy Challenge. If you are unfamiliar with this challenge, it is comprised of a half marathon on Saturday followed by a full marathon on Sunday. I signed up for this event a year ago and had aspirations of testing my limits and pushing hard. Last month, however, I was diagnosed with a stress fracture that will prevent me from running. I am not one to easily bow out of races though so I am going to participate and I will do a lot of walking which will make for a tough 2 days. It will be a big battle for me not to run but I will try to think of the bigger picture…….I am coaching Team in Training Summer Season 2011 which starts in a few weeks and I do have that Ironman I do not want to jeopardize. So……..I will walk. On Sunday my amazing friend Emily Conlon, @goingforgoofy on Twitter, will walk with me for which I am grateful. She is throwing her race to hang with me and it means a lot. Together we hope to get this raffle going by selling one ticket per mile which would mean $520 to beat cancer. If you need further incentive, we will be taking requests to earn your donation. Personally, I think you should ask Emily to kiss a stranger, tackle Pluto, freak dance with Goofy……….something interesting. Either way, if you are near a computer on Sunday, we will Tweet our journey (I am @run2savelives), take your requests and hope that we reach our goal. Either way, I am grateful to you all for reading this blog and for your support. I have recently spent a lot of time reflecting on how I was ever able to raise $80,000. Certainly a good story helped but I could not have accomplished this without tremendous support from family and friends…both the real and virtual kind. Time and time again, I ask for help. Time and time again, you all step up and join me in the fight. $100,000 raised to fight cancer will warrant a hell of a party. More importantly, I want to be at the party we have after they announce that next miracle drug and even better, a cure for cancer.

Thank you,

Your Friend in the Fight Against Cancer

The Best Day Ever

2010-12-19T18:58:00.000-08:00

This will be my shortest post ever and my first that has nothing to do with running. It really came out of nowhere which is the mark of a special moment. I think it started this morning. I was looking at quotes as I always do.....trying to find one that I think might make an impact on people. Instead, I found a poem that had an impact on me.

If tears could build a stairway,

And memories a lane,

I'd walk right up to Heaven

And bring you home again.

-Author Unknown

In case you made it here without the back story......I lost my Dad to leukemia and while he was fighting I lost my daughter Isabella. In between and years after, my wife was diagnosed with cancer two times.....twice she was the victor. Anyway, this poem brought me to Isabella. I have been thinking of her a lot recently. Don't get me wrong, there is not a day that goes by without me thinking of my Dad but lately it is Isabella that has been on my mind. I think it is all the Holiday shopping. It is seeing all the kids, mine included, so excited for the holidays. It is spending hours in the Disney store and the Sanrio store and looking at pink outfits for my amazing 2 year old daughter Thalia. All good times that happen to remind me there is something missing.....one laugh that cannot be heard.

Move forward a few hours.....my wife, Crea, and I take the entire family to see Tangled. With a 2 and a 6 year old........9 out of 10 movies we watch involve cartoon characters. There is one scene in the movie showing Rapunzel's father on the night of her birthday with a tear streaming down his face as he missed his daughter that had been taken. Again, this scene took me to Isabella. Just a hint of sadness for me. Just a reminder that one seat was empty.

Jump forward one hour. It has been raining in Los Angeles for a few days now. It is supposed to rain for another few days. One week of rain in LA is unheard of. I live for these times because one of my favorite things to do is run in the rain. One problem........I have a stress fracture. No running for me so this opportunity is passing me by and it will probably be another 10 years before it rains 7 straight days. On the way home from the movie I decided that while I could not run, there was nothing stopping me from going for a walk and stomping in a few puddles. I got home, put on some shorts and sandals and was ready to go. Before heading out, I decided to see if my son, Jaden, wanted to join me. He seemed a little unsure which lead me to believe he really needed to go for a walk in the rain. He has missed the joy of jumping in a big puddle having spent his entire 6 year life in Southern California. Off we go.

Jaden seems very timid at first. He is all bundled up in a rain jacket......I am dressed to get soaked. I make sure to let him know this is truly one of my favorite things and that I am happy to have him join me. "Why do you like it so much Dad" Jaden asks.

Good question.

I never really stopped to put a lot of thought to why I liked it so much but the answer came fairly easy. I like it because I feel at one with the world. I like it because I feel closer to God. I like it because everyday there are rules to follow and boundaries put upon us but there are no rules when you run in the rain. Instead of avoiding obstacles, a run in the rain is all about heading straight for the biggest puddle. No umbrella to shield you. Just bring it on and get as wet as you can.

I doubt at six, he understood what I was saying but I know the smallest moments can make a lasting impression. I hope somewhere down the road it all makes sense. For now, to solidify the message, I pointed to an enormous puddle and told him to jump in. He looked at me thinking it must be some trick. I assured him it was not. There would be no time out. There would be no penalty for getting wet. The shoes will dry and so will you. Jump in my friend and you will know what I am talking about. Jump in is exactly what he did and his laughter could be heard for blocks. It was amazing. We spent another 45 minutes out in the rain. I took him to all the places I knew the water built up into nice big tide pools. We were not on the sidewalk. We were in the street. People were looking at us funny......maybe they were looking at me thinking I am some horrible parent but I could care less. We were kicking water on each other and having a blast. A block from our house, a new park opened........I thought it might be a good idea to play in the park in the rain. It was only us. It was dark. It was open. We were among the first to experience the park and it was incredible. We did everything there was to do.......note: slides are insanely fast when new and wet. We went down many times.....so fast that there was no landing on the feet. There was only landing on our back side but there was no pain, only laughter. After a while there, we headed home in a new direction to see if there were bigger and better puddles to conquer. On the way, we came to one of the few trees near my house that was actually losing its leaves. I taught my son about how amazing it is back east when all the leaves change color and how amazing it is to build an enormous pile of leaves and dive in. This tree had dumped so many on the ground that I was able to grab a large pile and toss them in my son's face. Again, nothing but laughter......and retaliation. We had a leaf fight for a few minutes and then continued home. He

asked why there were not more leaves on the ground all the time. I told him that the gardener's come and pick them up to keep the sidewalks clean. His response was priceless:

"When I grow up I want to be a gardener's boss and when I am, I will fire all of them so the kids can play in the leaves"

I think he was getting the point of our journey. In our last few minutes in the rain Jaden stopped me to ask if he could tell me something. "Sure thing buddy!". What he wanted to tell me was that this was "the best day ever!!!" which are words every parent wants to hear. Anyway, we made it home. Out of nowhere came this special moment with my son that seemed to bring my day full circle to the quote I posted on Twitter this morning:

"The pain passes, but the beauty remains" Pierre-Auguste Renoir.

Yes I wish I could play in the rain with Isabella. One day I will. Today, the beauty of this moment will remain.

I Am Thankful For.....

2010-11-25T07:54:00.000-08:00

I just finished a 4.5 mile run on Thanksgiving Day. I did not wear a watch. I just ran and thought about some of the things I am thankful for. Some random thoughts from my run:

I am thankful:

-for my job

-for amazing parents that taught me to be the person I am today

-for my amazing cancer free wife

-for my amazing 3 kids who light up every day

-for my Dad who taught me through his action the benefit of giving everything you have to something

-for my Mom was able to make it to California and spend some good time with her grandkids for Thanksgiving

-for Twitter where I have met incredible people....funny ones, charitable ones, amazing Dads, amazing Moms, amazing athletes, new athletes, life changers, etc, etc.

-for my fellow Team in Training, ACS DetermiNation and Livestrong peeps that fight cancer every day. There are a long list of people fighting cancer that are not associated with this groups. I am thankful for everyone.

-for people like @operationjack that test the limits of who they are to show their children how much they care and make a difference for others

-for Texas, for while it is full of rednecks, I have come to know a lot of people from there and I must say they are remarkable.

-for crepes and bacon

-for, through my Dad's passing, being introduced to running again.

-for the fact that running led me to a life where I am in a position to help people change their lives and make a difference.

-for all the military risking their lives so that I can wake up and go for a run without fear.

-for @sarahstanley for I know someday I will get a sushi dinner

-for the love and support shown to my Team in Training efforts by friends, family and a ton of people that don't even know me in real life

-for NipGuards for I am a sensitive guy.

It was only 4 miles......those were some of my thoughts. Right now I am thankful for the sound of Thalia waking behind me and the smell of bacon and pancake batter coming from downstairs so I better go take a shower.

Happy Thanksgiving to all. I hope the Turkey Trots are safe, fast and/or fun and that this day is filled with some amazing memories for all of you

Cancer Is Losing the Battle

2010-11-06T21:18:00.000-07:00

November 6th was the day my wife, Crea, would run her first marathon at the Santa Barbara International Marathon. This was a big day for my family. The story that lead me back to running and to Team in Training and to charity and to endurance sports is long but for this day, it was all tied to Crea battling cancer twice...............and on both occasions winning the battle. Marathon Day is always a big day but this one held some special meaning. I had

built Crea's training plan.....she stuck to it perfectly. It was not designed for a BQ. It was designed to keep Crea healthy and get her across the finish line. Crea had trained on her own and, consistent with what I preach, she wanted to run the first 15-20 miles on her own so I was going to run about that far.....stop.....and wait for my wife. The plan was set, the day arrived but quickly things unraveled. My 2 year old was very sick......so sick we decided that I would not start this race but instead take Thalia to the ER. The 3 of us hopped in the car and headed to the finish line of the race where I would drop Crea off to be bussed to the start of this point to point race. After this drop off, I was fairly sure I would not only miss the start of the race but also the finish. The fact that Thalia was so ill, combined with a mess of closed roads and the fact that I had spent the entire week barely able to walk did not bode well for me physically being any part of this race. To say I was sad would be a tremendous understatement but our baby needed one of us and Crea needed to do this race. After dropping off Crea, the rest of the day was a lesson for me......of things I need to learn, reminders of things I had learned and since forgotten and an exclamation point on why I do what I do. The topics are simple but the day was profound.

For the lessons to make sense I will give some quick bullets as to how the day went from the time I dropped of Crea.

I took Thalia to Cottage Hospital. We walked right in and were in a room within minutes. Thalia was not feeling well at all and she clung to me like I was her favorite security blanket. While the circumstances were not pretty......as a Dad, I have learned to savor every moment that my kids want nothing more than to be with me.
While sitting at the hospital, Crea and I kept talking before she dropped of her gear, and thus her phone. For whatever reason, the start time got pushed back two times. Instead of starting at 6:30 am, the gun did not fire until 7:00 am. This 30 minutes would come to be a blessing.
I had sent a text to Crea's Dad that I was not in the race but was instead at the hospital with Thalia. It was very early in the morning but he showed up at Cottage to see that Thalia was okay.
After a few hours and some x-rays of Thalia's lungs, we were given the okay to leave. Thalia's colorful personality was starting to shine through and I could tell she was feeling a little better. Two days from now it would all get worse and Thalia would be diagnosed with pneumonia but for now, things were okay.
We went down the street to Crea's Dad's house. Thalia was happy to see her grandparents and was doing well. I could tell she was very tired from being up all night so I laid her down and rubbed her head until she fell asleep. This did not take long and I was encouraged that she was breathing okay so I went to hang out with Chuck, Crea's Dad.
Chuck and I hung out for a while and had some good conversation. At around 9am, I began thinking I might have a shot at getting to the finish line. A quick reminder here.....I could barely walk all week from an ankle injury I have been unable to figure out.
At 9:30am, Thalia is still asleep, Chuck and Wendy offer to keep watching her, so I get dressed to give my ankle an attempt at a run. That attempt was short lived. A few steps in and I knew any run would hurt. A few steps in and I knew this test didn't matter..... I was going to run to the finish line anyway...about 4.5 miles away.
I begin my run and I am noticeably limping. I push through the pain as best as possible. As I often do while running, I talk to Isabella and my Dad (in case you dont know my story, both passed away. Isabella is my daughter) and ask them to go find Crea on the course and keep her safe and strong. In addition to getting to Crea, for whatever reason, I ask Isabella for a favor...to put in a good word and find some way to heal my ankle enough to allow me to keep running......just get me to Crea.
Shortly after this talk with my angel companions, I am running completely pain free. Not limited pain......pain free!! I would not experience any ankle pain the rest of this day. I am keeping a 7:30-7:45 pace and I get to the finish line in no time. I decide to start running the course backwards hoping to get to mile 20 before Crea. Backwards entailed a lot of uphill but I kept my pace. I was so happy to be running knowing I was headed to see my wife.....something a few hours prior I didn't think would be possible. I got to mile 20. I started walking toward 19 but only made it a few minutes because there was Crea waving her arms so that I would see her. I had made it.......right were I had hoped to find her. I was 10.5 miles in. 6.2 to go and my wife would cross the finish line.
We worked our way to the finish line. At mile 23, Tiana, my oldest daughter, was waiting for us. She stayed with us for almost a mile and then we were off on our own. Crea was hurting but kept pushing forward. She does not have the best knees for running but she is very very strong willed and capable of pushing through pain. It was not until mile 25.5 or so that I knew exactly how much Crea was hurting. We were on a steep downhill.....death for bad knees. Crea started to cry and hyperventilate. For this to happen meant big pain. I knew a lot of the tears were tied to the pain but I also felt part of it had to do with the journey that makes the marathon so meaningful. From week 1 of a training program at Team in Training, I begin to preach about the journey. It is this journey that makes race day so meaningful.....all the memories of the path that lead you to the start line. For my wife, this path was the loss of our daughter and two battles with cancer.
Just before mile 26 and we make it to Coby, Crea's brother. It was very cool for him to come down and cheer in his sister. I had been texting him at each mile marker so he would know we were making progress. I know his big smile of pride helped bring Crea home.
Mile 26 and we are on the track at Santa Barbara City College. The school where Crea had started her post high school education would end this day. An amazing day. To this very minute, I do not know Crea's time. To this very minute, I do not care.

That is the day. Now to the lessons:

Go With The Flow

I am certainly capable of being spontaneous..........like in college when I would spontaneously end up at a club instead of studying for a midterm.......but for big events, I can get thrown off when things dont go according to plan. Today would teach me differently. The day certainly did not start as planned but ended up being more than I could have ever scripted. November 6th could have solely consisted of the marathon which would have been amazing. Instead it included some quality time with both of my girls, Crea and Thalia. I was able to be a good Dad and take care of my baby while still being able to be with my wife for the last 6.2 miles of her marathon. I was able to hang out with Crea's Dad........someone who actually means a lot to me....and her entire family. If you go back and read the post for Isabella's Day and read the speech I gave at her Memorial Service, I talk of family and realizing through hardship that Crea's family was my own. For whatever reason over the years to follow I let that realization go blurry but today helped bring it back into focus. After my Dad passed away, Chuck stepped in and was like a father to me. I vow to never lose sight of this again and am grateful for the reminder. I mentioned at mile 23 getting to spend some time with Tiana. She is my oldest daughter (19)....technically my step daughter....but we have been together since she was 5. I try to live life without regrets but if I were to allow myself one, it would be to go back to when she was 5 and be a better Dad. I went from a bachelor living alone in a 3 bedroom condo to having a child and I had no idea what I was doing. Over the years, we have not been as close as I would like due to many circumstances but I do Love her very much. To share a mile with her today meant more to me than she probably knows. I guess if you really get in and dissect this day, it is support for my biggest belief......that blessings come from every situation. There was a very long build up to this day. It did not start out so well but so many amazing things resulted from the turn of events.

Time Does Not Always Matter

I said it above but will repeat it here. I have no idea what the clock read when Crea crossed the finish line. I have not gone back to see what the time was. I do not know what the stats were....where she ranked among females and in her age group. There are times when these details are important.....there are times when they are not. Today was about overcoming a lot of obstacles. Today was about winning because you were able to toe the start line. A wise man, Colin Cooley (@runwicked) always says he cares more about the story than the time. Today's story read, Crea Wilno Beats Cancer Twice and Returns To Show That 26.2 Miles Are No Match For Her. (Please don't get me wrong here.....Crea did great. She is a great athlete and if she decides to run another race and time is important, she will crush it!)

Cancer is Losing the Battle

Cancer knocked on my Dad's door. Cancer won that battle. While winning the battle, it dragged me into the war. That was a big mistake on the part of cancer.....one I am sure it regrets. Along the way, Cancer has won many other battles and, in doing so, has brought a lot of people like me into the battle to end the horrible disease.

Cancer knocked on my wife's door twice. Twice! Two cage matches between my wife and the disease who should not be named (yes I am a Harry Potter fan). Crea's current record is 2-0. During the tenure of her battles, I have raised $80,000 in the fight against cancer. I have been on teams with Team in Training.......as a participant, mentor or coach that have collectively raised millions. Other organizations like the American Cancer Society's DetermiNation are seeing similar results.......people raising a lot of money in an all out war and race to find a cure. Watching my wife out on the streets of Santa Barbara wearing a huge smile reminded me that cancer is losing it's grip. It is losing the battle. We are closer to a cure today than we were 10 years ago. Gleevac was the last miracle drug.........what will the next one be. It is out there. Do you hear it coming cancer? Be scared. You will go down and I will be there to join in the celebration when you have gasped your last breath.

Thanks for reading. I am incapable of being short winded. If you would like to join me in the battle against cancer by making a donation, there is a link to my fundraising site at the top of this page. If you would prefer to help in other ways, you can sign up for Team in Training. If you live in So Cal you can come spend 18 weeks being coached by me for the Summer 2011 season. I have also mentioned ACS DetermiNation.....another great organization. If you want more information on them you can reach out to David Pittman (@DP_Turtle) on Twitter. Thanks again for your time!!

Running for a Cause

2010-10-15T14:51:00.000-07:00

This will be a quick post primarily because the message is communicated very clearly in the email I will include below. For those that know me, you are aware I am a Team in Training marathon coach, you are aware I am passionate about finding a cure for cancer (which stems from the fact it took my father, attacked my wife and runs rampant through the lives of my friends) and you are aware of my belief that the journey to completing a marathon can change your life. I also have been known, on many occasions, to communicate my belief that blessings come from even the worst of times. Yesterday, an email from a past TNT participant and dear friend arrived that served as a reminder and confirmation that all of these beliefs are with merit.
Why am I posting this email? After reading it and sharing a quick tear of sadness and pride, I realized this email might make a difference to those out there contemplating whether or not they should sign up for Team in Training or, for that matter any training program that is attached to a worthy cause. I was drafted to Team in Training because leukemia attacked my father but there are some incredible organizations out there doing amazing things to fight cancer, aids, hunger, MS, Autism and Crohn's disease to name a few (many amazing people participate in these other organizations...ACS DetermiNation, Operation Jack, etc.). Running a marathon certainly will change your life. Running a marathon and completing it for others will forever change you........will make you a stronger person all the while making a difference in the lives of others and changing the world. I always tell my participants they are affecting the lives of people they will never come to know and they are pushing cancer towards the history books where our kids or our kid's kids will not know such horrible diseases but instead will have to turn to page 287 and read about them. To be a part of that effort all the while teaching yourself to push past fears, push past doubts and teach yourself what you are capable of........ it is an amazing journey. If you are thinking about signing up for Team in Training or any other organization but are afraid of the commitment, I would say that is exactly why you SHOULD sign up. Exercise some faith and I promise you will be rewarded beyond your wildest expectations.....my personal guarantee. Here is the email (please know I was given the permission to share this but I have taken out the names):

Hi Coach,
Just wanted to touch base with you... been a while since Cool Breeze. Hope you, Crea and the kids are well.

I was supposed to be going to the Nike Women's Half Marathon this coming weekend, but I won't be able to attend in the end. Also, I am off Facebook, it was too public and complicated for my crazy life, so I am writing you here.

Since January, D has been fighting a recurring ear infection. Ten days ago we found out it wasn't an ear infection. He was leaking cerebral spinal fluid through his eustachean tube and it was wreaking havoc and becoming an antibiotic resistant infection. Monday he underwent a second major surgery at UCLA. I am the one taking care of him, and I've spent the past three days at the hospital. When I'm not there, I'm home, taking care of S.

Every day I wear my TNT jacket. I don't even know why. It's not blood cancer. It's not even cancer. But it makes me feel strong, it reminds me of what I can (and did) accomplish. It reminds me who I am.

And today, when I was leaving the hospital and I walked out into the sun, I thought of you and the other coaches and mentors and teammates I've met in the past two years and how grateful I am that you were the one who was there that night at the library in West Hollywood. Because you shared a little of yourself that night, I knew I wanted to be a part of what you were doing. And it has made all the difference in my life.

So I just wanted to touch base with you, tell you what's going on, and thank you. You were right. It changed my life. And even now, when my head has doubts, my heart jumps in and sets me on the right path. And I smile and thank you. Even now.

Much love to you and your precious family, as always, E

Martin Luther King said "Faith is taking the first step even when you dont see the whole staircase". Take that first step. You won't regret it.

A quick comment to my fellow coaches, mentors and volunteers. When you tell others about your organization, speak from the heart. This friend of mine, despite a very personal story, came to an information meeting unsure of whether she would sign up. Because I spoke about the program at a very personal level, she joined our team and went on to raise over $100,000 for one race. In total she has raised $147,000 to date. We changed her life. She changed mine.

Road to Ironman Wisconsin 2011 Begins

2010-09-18T09:53:00.000-07:00

It is a few days since I signed up for Ironman Wisconsin and my head has been swimming with thoughts about the journey ahead. I have known since I crossed the finish line at Ironman Florida in 2008 that I wanted to compete in another event. I tried very hard to keep that desire buried deep inside because I had made a promise to my wife that my next Ironman would only come once she was retired (this promise only tied to the toll it puts on the family). I had made this promise once before..... after completing my first Ironman in 2006 but she granted me a pass so that I could be with my friends in Florida. This time, I needed to make the promise stick. I tried, I really tried.

Since 2008, I have stood on the sidelines of Ironman. I have been a proud spectator and watched many friends complete amazing journey's to complete 140.6 miles. I was lucky

enough to be in Kona in 2009 to watch my friend, Kyle Garlett (2nd from the left in the photo at right), attempt to complete an Ironman after fending off cancer 4 times and dealing with all the scars those battles left behind.....one of them a weakened heart that ultimately led to a heart transplant. Kyle was unsuccessful in 2009 but is back for 2010 and I am so excited to head back to Kona (with Crea) and be witness to what I am certain will be a successful 2nd attempt.

I was proud to be at IM CDA 2010 where my good friend Emily Conlon (@goingforgoofy) was completing her first IM journey. I had many other friends also competing in this race and was also able to meet some amazing new friends that prior to CDA I had only known in the virtual world (@NYCE, @punkrockrunner and @goSonja). At this event, I witnessed some incredible performances. Emily had an amazing race which saw her carry a huge smile start to finish. I saw Eissa have a rough start due to the very cold water but go on to finish strong. I saw Ron Harvey take full advantage of the Ironman finisher's chute and I saw Sonja qualify for Kona. I saw many friends on the course......most crossing the finish line........a few did not but, in time, another day will come that will see them successfully finish the journey.

While being a spectator was certainly rewarding, deep down I was longing to be in the race. The true intensity of this desire has struck me at times over the past year and a half but never as much as on Monday, September 13th. This was the day the star

s aligned to allow me to sign up for my third Ironman journey......the day after Ironman Wisconsin 2010 wascompleted....12:00pm local race site time which would be 10:00 am here in Los Angeles. I was at home. I had just spent time dropping off my son Jaden for his first day of First Grade. I knew time was of the essence when the clock struck 10am so I didn't even want to risk losing my wireless connection. I set up my computer in the kids room at the kids desk so I could connect with a LAN line. Crea was actually in the other room on her computer and we both kept refreshing the registration screen for the race. In the past the registration page has loaded early so I started this process about 15 minutes before the site was supposed to go live. This time registration would not begin early. It went live at exactly 10am. I immediately started entering my information. Things were going smoothly....albeit slowly.....until I got to the page to make my payment. The page flashed a 'gateway timeout' error and I could not get back in. Instead of being an officially registered athlete, I found myself back at the beginning of the process. I was never able to get in over the next 45 minutes. I cannot believe I kept trying but I was exchanging texts with my friend and fellow TNT coach, Pete Brzycki, and it seemed like everyone was still trying. After seeing messages that Registration Was Closed, I gave up. It is in this hour of trying to get into IM Wisconsin that I learned how much I needed to do another Ironman. The sadness I felt each time my attempt to get to the registration page failed was overwhelming. By the time I gave up, I was deflated. I felt like something was missing. I tried to focus on the fact that Pete told me only 4 of the 30 of us trying to get in was successful. I had to have hope that something went wrong here and, as it turns out, that was the case. Around the time I pulled into the office at work, Pete called me to tell me the Ironman.com site had posted a message that due to technical difficulties, the registration process was shut down. I literally wanted to scream. Hope was alive which seems appropriate as I write this statement here at the HOPE NEXT EXIT blog. My chance to register would come again. It came two days later. My first attempt failed at the exact same place......at the payment page. Instead of getting a technical error, the page just loaded blank. My coworker was there shielding my office from disturbances. He told me to calm down and hit refresh. GENIUS. That is what I did and the page came back. My next attempt was successful and soon thereafter I was printing my waivers and receipt. I was 12 months away from competing in another Ironman.

It is now Saturday. I have been excited all week. I reached out to my coach, Coach Gareth. I pulled out all of my training books....some from the past....some newly purchased.....Going Long, Training Plans for Multisport Athletes, Start to Finish, Strength Training for Triathletes. The funny thing is I do not have any time to read any of them. What I did make some time for was to open the book Running on Faith by Jason Lester. I had just met Jason at Triathlon Lab in Redondo Beach this past Monday. He has won the ESPY for Best Male Athlete with a Disability. He was hit by car when he was twelve which rendered his right arm paralyzed. He has an amazing story.....went on to compete in High School Sports, complete an Ironman, and even an Ultraman which entails a 6.2 mile swim, 261.4 mile bike and 52.4 mile run. Completing any of these races would be amazing for any person. Completing them without the use of your right arm is inspiring. Hell, toeing the start line of an Ultraman is inspiring to me.......doing it knowing you are jumping in the ocean for a 6 mile swim without the use of your right arm is unfathomable. Sitting beside my bed was his book...the one he signed to me inscribed with the phrase 'Never Stop'. I picked up the book to take a look and began to read the Foreward written by Dean Karnazes. It was a tribute to the inspiration Jason Lester is but a few pages in I found the words that I think were buried in me for the past 1.5 years....the reason I needed to be in this race. The following is an excerpt from Dean Karnazes' foreward:

In this book, Jason talks a lot about something else that I understand very well: the shared warrior connection that extreme endurance athletes have with one another. Jason has said that Ironman and Ultraman have become his family, which might not make sense to someone who sees us trying to bury one another on the course in each race. It's true that there's competition, but there's also tremendous camaraderie between the athletes. When we're all together for an event, we're among like-minded people who share the same core values. Most important, each of us knows what the others have sacrificed and how hard they've worked. Passion, in these circles, is universal.

This shared disregard for limitations and stubborn unwillingness to allow anything to stand in the way of dreams creates a unique bond and special kinship among all athletes, able-bodied and challenged. It doesn't matter if you see one another only once a year at an event, or only read about your comrades' exploits in the magazines. They become your family, because you can relate firsthand to the toils they face and the struggles they must endure to cross the finish line. Respect is earned and deep mutual admiration garnered, no matter how fiercely you might compete out on the race course. They are your fellow warriors, your blood (and sweat and tears) brothers and sisters.

These words struck me hard. I not only read them. I felt them. This passage explains why I love Ironman. At my first Ironman when the 100 degree heat saw me finish hours after my training would have predicted, I was with the group of people struggling. Cramps set in. I kept falling down as a result. Dehydration was so bad that I was having trouble hearing. I lost 16 pounds at this race.....I do not have 16 pounds to lose. Everyone around me was having a bad day too and we all bonded together to try and push each other to the finish line. If I mustered a little run, I yelled at everyone to come with me. If I passed someone, I told them to stare at my back and join me for the ride (I still do this in every race today). This passage to me also describes why the Ironman finish line is one of the most spectacular finish lines in the world.....one that everyone must experience......not necessarily at 8 hours and 30 minutes of the race when the

pro's cross (although that is amazing). I am talking 11pm with one hour to go before the official finisher cutoff. Do you think the pro's are off in bed? Do you think the crowds have disappeared? Absolutely not. The pro's are at the finish line cheering for everyone coming in, the music is blaring and the crowds are cheering louder than ever trying to bring every athlete home (there is a short video of the finish line in Kona in 2009 at the bottom of this post). It is amazing. There is such respect for the journey. There is such respect for everyone that completes the 140.6 miles regardless of the finishing time. I would also add that there is a tremendous amount of respect for those that fall short of the 17 hour time limit. The Ironman is a tough race and every day will not prove successful for even the most amazing of athletes.

It is all of this that has me wanting to compete again. It has nothing to so with completing 140.6 miles with a new PR. I really could care less. For me, with working 55-80 hours a week, with all the charity work I do for the amazing organization Team in Training and most importantly with an amazing wife and some amazing kids, my training is squeezed in where it will fit. Don't get me wrong, I train....what i do NOT do is sleep. My midweek trainer rides take place at 4:30am. My midweek runs take place at 11:30pm. My swims take place as the gym is closing (for my first IM, my swims took place at 2:00am at 24 Hour Fitness with drunk dudes racing on noodles. I eventually got tired of the large wafts of hair floating in the pool so I upgraded gyms). For my long rides, I sit at my garage waiting for the sun to rise just enough so that I can enter the streets of LA safely (well, more safely) and I am generally done while most are just getting underway. My long runs take place in the early Sunday hours before I head to coach TNT practice. I am not complaining. It is my journey and that is how it must be completed so that that the rest of the important parts of my life are disturbed as little as possible. If I trained during normal hours and was able to get more rest, I am sure my time would be much improved but, for me, I would lose too much elsewhere. For me, the journey has been and will be the experience. Crossing the finish line......which certainly will happen in Wisconsin on September 11, 2011......for me it is just the icing on one amazing cake.

A big thanks to my wife Crea for understanding my need to compete and for all the sacrifices she will make over the next 12 months leading up to the Ironman. Without her, IM Wisconsin would not be possible. Without her, I am sure it would not even mean as much.

Hope Next Exit Raffle: Final Thanks and Winners

2010-09-06T15:52:00.000-07:00

OK. It takes me a long time to make progress but I am finally at the post to announce all of the winners in one place. A week ago at the Cooley s'moree all of the winners were drawn out of a basket. I posted the winning #'s on Twitter but never really looked back to see the actual names of the winners. Emily Conlon (@goingforgoofy) was kind enough to look everything up and share the winners via Twitter but since she announced herself the grand prize winner.....I figured I better double check. As it turns out, she is an honest soul and a lucky soul for she did win the Gateway notebook. Below are all of the winners. I will be reaching out to everyone to get you your prize shortly but feel free to contact me as well via Facebook (Christopher Wilno) or Twitter (@run2savelives) or via email at tntcoachchris@yahoo.com.

Before I list the winners, I wanted to thank everyone one last time. I am humbled by everyone's generosity that allowed me to sell all 250 tickets in a short period of time. After raising $70,000 to fight cancer over the last 6 years, I felt it would be tough to reach out for help one more time so I came up with the idea of this raffle. I bought some of the prizes and some folks really stepped up with key donations and the concept became reality. It only became a viable cancer fighting tool, though, when you all stepped up to buy tickets. Even more humbling is the news I have already shared......many of the tickets were purchased by either a)folks that have never met me outside of the virtual world b)folks that knew me in the virtual world but had only come to meet me in person in the prior few months or c)folks that did not know the live or virtual me (theoretically these two are the same). This statistic really blows my mind. Whether you knew me or not, the kindness and support you all showed to this raffle and, as such, to my family and I is greatly appreciated. My story is personal so every penny donated through me is personal. Thanks again. Congrats to all the winners!

1)Gateway Notebook - Emily Conlon

2)HP Media Smart Server - Kristen Brenner

3)Monster Miles Davis Tribute Headphones - Dave Blaszkowski

4)Acer Netbook - Lauren Franck (the only prize I have distributed thus far)

5)Kodak ZX1 Pocket Video Cam - Allison Burbage

6)Creative Vodo HD Pocket Video Cam - Melissa Borek

7)Deacon Jones Autographed Football - Ron (Punk Rock) Harvey

8)$75 Target Gift Card - Marie Schneider (is there a Target in France?)

9)$50 Starbucks Gift Card - Sonja Wieck

10)Call of Duty 4 Inessa Vitko

Special thanks to Jeff Webb for building the Raffle web page that allowed me to show you all the cool prizes!!

Hope Next Exit Raffle Ticket Raffle Drawing 08-29-10

2010-08-28T13:08:00.000-07:00

OK. We will be pulling the Hope Next Exit Raffle tickets the evening of August 29th at the infamous Cooley smoree....much thanks to them for another invite. It is always a very fun night hanging with some very cool people. Below you will find a list of everyone that has raffle tickets. make sure your name appears on this list. Beside your name is a number that corresponds to a raffle ticket. I will only have the raffle tickets with numbers at the smoree and we will refer back to this list to see who the winners are. Good Luck everyone. I am so grateful for all the support shown to me and my family.

501	Alett Mekler
502	Allison Burbage
503	Allison Burbage
504	Allison Burbage
505	Allison Burbage
506	Allison Burbage
507	Allison Burbage
508	Allison Burbage
509	Allison Burbage
510	Allison Burbage
511	Allison Burbage
512	Allison Burbage
513	Allison Burbage
514	Allison Burbage
515	Allison Burbage
516	Allison Burbage
517	Allison Burbage
518	Allison Burbage
519	Allison Burbage
520	Andrea Emmons
521	Ashley Larkin
522	Ashley Larkin
523	Aubrey Walton
524	Bally Randhawa
525	Beckie Burns
526	Bob Frein
527	Brady Gervais
528	Brett Bogan
529	Brett Davis
530	Brett Davis
531	Brett Davis
532	Bryan Sloan
533	Caitlin Frazier
534	Candice Yee
535	Carlos Pineda
536	Christopher Wilno
537	Christopher Wilno
538	Christopher Wilno
539	Christopher Wilno
540	Christopher Wilno
541	Christopher Wilno
542	Christopher Wilno
543	Christopher Wilno
544	Christopher Wilno
545	Colin Cooley
546	Colin Cooley
547	Colin Cooley
548	Craig Barrett
549	Craig Barrett
550	Craig Barrett
551	Craig Harrison
552	Danielle Perkel
553	Dash Nash
554	Dash Nash
555	Dash Nash
556	Dave Blasz
557	Dave Blasz
558	Dave Blasz
559	Dave Blasz
560	Dave Blasz
561	Dave Blasz
562	Dave Blasz
563	Dave Blasz
564	Dave Blasz
565	David Pittman
566	David Winton
567	David Winton
568	David Winton
569	David Winton
570	David Winton
571	David Winton
572	Dean Sakihama
573	Dean Sakihama
574	Dean Sakihama
575	Dean Sakihama
576	Dean Sakihama
577	Dean Sakihama
578	Deanna Rodriguez
579	Donna DeWick
580	Donna DeWick
581	Donna DeWick
582	Emily Conlon
583	Emily Conlon
584	Emily Conlon
585	Emily Conlon
586	Emily Conlon
587	Emily Conlon
588	Emily Conlon
589	Emily Conlon
590	Emily Conlon
591	Emily Conlon
592	Emily Conlon
593	Emily Conlon
594	Emily Daigle
595	Emily Mooney
596	Eric Orvieto
597	Eric Orvieto
598	Eric Orvieto
599	Gaye Beckman
600	Geri Weinfeld
601	Geri Weinfeld
602	Geri Weinfeld
603	Gretchen Sweet
604	Gretchen Sweet
605	Gretchen Sweet
606	Inessa Vitko
607	Inessa Vitko
608	Inessa Vitko
609	Jason Ditri
610	Jason Ditri
611	Jason Ditri
612	Javier Rivera
613	Javier Rivera
614	Javier Rivera
615	Javier Rivera
616	Javier Rivera
617	Javier Rivera
618	Jennifer Blalock
619	Jennifer Hawley Price
620	Jennifer Hawley Price
621	Jennifer Hawley Price
622	Jennifer Whitter Adams
623	Jessica Nelson
624	Jessica Nelson
625	Jessica Nelson
626	Joe Pease
627	Joe Pease
628	Joe Pease
629	John Hogan
630	Jolene Young
631	Josh Spector
632	Josh Spector
633	Josh Spector
634	Julie Lewis
635	Julie Lewis
636	Julie Lewis
637	Karen Carrie
638	Karen Carrie
639	Karen Carrie
640	Karina Eastman
641	Kristen Brenner
642	Kristen Brenner
643	Kristen Brenner
644	Kristen Tabke
645	Kristen Tabke
646	Kristen Tabke
647	Lauren Franck
648	Lauren Franck
649	Libby Jones
650	Lilah McCarthy
651	Linda Vermeulen
652	Lisa Sanders
653	Lisa Vallejos
654	Lonnie Butler
655	Lonnie Overall
656	Lori Jomsky
657	Lori Jomsky
658	Lori Jomsky
659	Lori Jomsky
660	Lori Jomsky
661	Lori Jomsky
662	Louise Shrimpton
663	Louise Shrimpton
664	Louise Shrimpton
665	Maia Jasper
666	Marci Simms
667	Marci Simms
668	Marci Simms
669	Margarita Guzman
670	Marie Schneider
671	Marina Vargas
672	Marjorie Wilno
673	Marjorie Wilno
674	Marjorie Wilno
675	Marvin Tabangay
676	Marvin Tabangay
677	Marvin Tabangay
678	Marvin Tabangay
679	Marvin Tabangay
680	Marvin Tabangay
681	Marvin Tabangay
682	Marvin Tabangay
683	Marvin Tabangay
684	Matt Barnette
685	Matt Barnette
686	Matt Barnette
687	Maura McCartan
688	Melissa Anderson
689	Melissa Anderson
690	Melissa Anderson
691	Melissa Borek
692	Melissa Borek
693	Melissa Borek
694	Melissa Borek
695	Melissa Borek
696	Melissa Borek
697	Melissa Galyon
698	Melissa Galyon
699	Melissa Galyon
700	Melissa Galyon
701	Melissa Galyon
702	Melissa Galyon
703	Melissa Galyon
704	Melissa Galyon
705	Melissa Galyon
706	Michael Miller
707	Michael Miller
708	Michael Miller
709	Michelle Sedas
710	Neal Gorman
711	Nina Jack
712	Nina Jack
713	Nina Jack
714	Peter Rabover
715	Peter Vu
716	Peter Vu
717	Petty Goodman
718	Petty Goodman
719	Petty Goodman
720	Rachel Chai
721	Renee Guirguis
722	Renee Guirguis
723	Renee Guirguis
724	Rich Cruse
725	Rommell Calderon
726	Ron Harvey
727	Ron Harvey
728	Ron Harvey
729	Ron Harvey
730	Ron Harvey
731	Ron Harvey
732	Ron Harvey
733	Ron Harvey
734	Samantha Marangell
735	Sara Schroer
736	Sara Schroer
737	Sara Schroer
738	Sara Schroer
739	Sara Schroer
740	Sara Schroer
741	Scott Burns
742	Scott Burns
743	Scott Burns
744	Scott Clausen
745	Sonja Wieck
746	Sonja Wieck
747	Sonja Wieck
748	Tony Alexander
749	Vincent Matteo
750	Vincent Matteo
751	Vincent Matteo

Hope Next Exit Raffle

2010-07-17T16:37:00.000-07:00

RAFFLE SOLD OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know this goes back in time a while but I started a raffle tied to the Hope Next Exit Party. The raffle tickets are 1 for $20 or 3 for $50. Prizes include some cool stuff: HP Media Smart Server, Acer netbook, Gateway 15.6" notebook with Blu Ray, Kodak ZX1 pocket video recorder, etc, etc. Total value of prizes is $2,000 at this point with hopefully more to come. Some were donated and some I purchased to raise money to fight cancer. I am selling $5,000 worth of tickets. I will use this blog entry to track the number of tickets sold and the names of the ticket holders. You can use this blog entry to make sure that, if you purchased tickets, your name is in the hat. Once all of the tickets are sold, I will announce the date of the raffle and will probably video tape the drawing so that folks know it is legit.

PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF YOU SHOULD BE ON THIS LIST AND DO NOT APPEAR.

As of now, ticket holders I am aware of are as follows:

TOTAL TICKETS SOLD: 250

Peter Vu 2

Cowhateration 1

Melissa Borek 3

Frenchie 1

Tony Alexander 1

Maia Jasper 1

Bally Randhawa 1

Aubrey Walton 1

Geri Weinfeld 3

Lauren Franck 2

Ashley Larkin 2

Samantha Marangell 1

Dean Sakihama 6

Karina Eastman 1

Daniele Perkel 1

Rommell Calderon 1

Craig Harrison 1

Colin Cooley 3

Ron Harvey 8

Emily Conlon 12

Melissa Galyon 9

Renee Guirguis 3

Brett Bogan 1

Marvin Tabangay 9

Sara Schroer 6

Josh Spector 3

Maura McCartan 1

Louise Shrimpton 3

Libby Jones 1

Jolene Young 1

Javier Rivera 6

Eric Orvieto 3

Lonnie Butler 1

Marina Vargas 1

Lisa Vallejos 1

Dash Nash 3

Michael Miller 3

Jennifer Blalock 1

Petty Goodman 3

Bryan Sloan 1

Carlos Pineda 1

Emily Daigle 1

John Hogan 1

Kristen Tabke 3

Gretchen Sweet 3

Lori Jomsky 6

Scott Clausen 1

Christopher Wilno 9

Brady Gervais 1

Linda Vermeulen 1

Jennifer Whitter Adams 1

Andrea Emmons 1

Nina Jack 3

Emily Mooney 1

Kristen Brenner 3

Lilah McCarthy 1

Jennifer Hawley Price 3

Deanna Rodriguez 1

Bob Frein 1

Craig Barrett 3

David Winton 6

Rich Cruse 1

Karen Carrie 3

Lisa Sanders 1

Donna DeWick 3

Caitlin Frazier 1

Marjorie Wilno 3

Melissa Borek 3

Melissa Anderson 3

Matt Barnette 3

Joe Pease 3

Neal Gorman 1

Beckie Burns 1

David Pittman 1

Brett Davis 3

Marci Sims 3

Margarita Guzman 1

Jessica Nelson 3

Dave Blasz 9

Scott Burns 3

Allison Burbage 18

Alett Mekler 1

Peter Rabover 1

Rachel Chai 1

Julie Lewis 3

Inessa Vitko 3

Jason Ditri 3

Sonja Wieck 3

Lonnie Overall 1

Gaye Beckman 1

Michelle Sedas 1

Vincent Matteo 3

Isabella's Day - The Beginning of Me

2010-07-12T17:48:00.000-07:00

I really wanted to avoid a preface to this post but the more I have thought about it the more I think it is necessary. I always assume people know my story by now but learn consistently that even the folks I chat with often on Twitter are not aware. It makes sense really. I do not talk about my story that often and, although, it is the story that made me who I am today.....made me believe in my Twitter bio that reads 'I believe blessings come from every situation'.......how can I expect anyone to really know that. It also makes sense because most folks on Twitter follow a lot of people so, even when I was tweeting about my wife's surgery for her second bout with cancer, my tweets could easily get lost in the masses. I too often find myself behind on the happenings of Twitter friends because their tweet did not make it into the list of recent posts that fit on my phone. I guess there are many other reasons......not to mention the timing of when I synced up with people or the fact that I really do not want to be known/liked/followed/respected because of my story. It just is. Because so many people are unaware though, I feel a preface is warranted and these are my disclaimers:

1)If you do not know my whole story, this will be a tough first read for you and may not give the right impression. I highly suggest you read the first entry in this blog as it will reveal a little more about my attitude towards the events that touched my life over a short period of time....one of them addressed in this entry. You do not have to go back far to get to the first entry. Sadly there are not that many for, while I believe I have a lot to say, my life does not afford me the time I would like to put pen to paper...or in this case fingers to keyboard.

2)I did NOT bring you to this blog entry for a financial donation to Team in Training. This blog was created in November 2009 to document the events surrounding my wife's second diagnosis with cancer. To honor her fight, I signed up for my 8th Team in Training event and fundraised to fight back against such a horrible disease that has affected most people in one way or another. Because I am so active with Team in Training, I am always fundraising so there is still a link at the top of this blog. Again, that link is not why I am writing this post.

3)In conjunction with the second item, while I do not have a financial request, every year I do ask a favor of friends and family on Isabella's Day. In today's virtual world, I have come to consider as friends people whom I have never met in person so if we are connected on Twitter, I will ask the same favor of you. It is a simple one. It is an important one to me. I will share it with you at the end of this entry.

4)Lastly, I cannot really tell you why I am writing this post or which direction it will head. It may go somewhere, it may not. It is my way of remembering and keeping Isabella alive. For someone that never spoke a word, I would argue she has made a huge impact on me and, because of the impact on me, an impact on the many people I have been able to impact over the years. I would be lying if I did not acknowledge a part of this entry is selfish........a way to cope with the silence I find deafening around this time of year. My reaction to the silence is to raise my voice and fight harder to make a difference. In that sense, I must share my thoughts for even if they impact only one person......it was worth laying my feelings on the line.

On to my thoughts.............

As I sit at my desk, it is mid July 2010. It is the seventh July since my daughter Isabella passed away at birth. Every July gets a little better. Every July finds me a little stronger. Every July also finds me very much the same though... as I don't think you ever fully recover after the loss of a child. Isabella Soleil Wilno passed away on August 1, 2003. She never spoke a word. As I wrote in an email to all my friends and colleagues days after her passing, Isabella spent 9 months with the warmth, comfort and security of my wife and then passed straight to the hands of the Lord. It is tough not to think of that as a blessed life. It is this view of the world that I believe has me writing this post. A very sad day.........one that can bring me instantly to tears if I allow my mind to take me back there........ultimately helped to define me. Did it all start with this email...I am not certain. I am sure folks would have understood a somber email speaking of the injustice of it all.......that is not what they received.

It was the afternoon of July 31st which also happened to be my wedding anniversary. I had been out of town a lot because 3,000 miles away my father was fighting for the life cancer was trying to take and ultimately took from him. I was at work where just a few days earlier, my wife Crea had visited the office where we shared many friends. I remember making jokes about how large her belly was. As I would walk nearby her, I would pretend to be sucked into orbit and start circling her. Dumb humor....I know...but it made me laugh and I am my biggest fan. Days passed and now we were 2 days from the official due date. This night would be a celebration of 4 years of marriage and in a few days we would celebrate the birth of our new little girl, Isabella Soleil Wilno.

I was feeling on top of the world.

Then the phone rang. Crea's name appeared on the screen of my cellphone and I anxiously answered it. With only a few days to go until the due date, any call could be 'THE' call to rush to the hospital. I picked up the phone. I remember Crea being very calm. I also remember Crea telling me she was going to head over to the hospital. I was very confused. Why was she going to the hospital directly instead of coming home to get everything we would need for the trip? At this point, I thought it was 'THE' call but something did not feel right. I asked Crea again and she explained that something felt wrong to her.........she could not feel the baby kicking any more. As fast as I have run in my life........I am sure I never ran faster than on this day to my car. I remember my tires screeching out of the parking lot as I passed a coworker with a look of terror on her face. Everything seemed to be crumbling around me.

A little while later, Crea and I were in Santa Monica sitting in a hospital room. Same drill that we had gone through many times over the last few months. An ultrasound machine was wheeled over. Crea pulled up her shirt. Squeeze some fluid onto her stomach......Doc says "this might be a little cold"......shortly thereafter we see a beating heart on the screen. Today went exactly that way except attempt after attempt after attempt revealed no beating heart. I cannot remember if I was crying or not. It was all so surreal. How did we go from this amazing place of joy to such a place of desperation hoping Isabella was just on her side? "Please baby, be okay, please God, let everything be okay" I remember screaming this in my head but after many futile attempts, the conclusion was that Isabella was no longer with us. Her body was still present but that little spirit had already moved on. It was the worst moment of my entire life. It was the lowest point of my entire life.

The next few hours are a blur for me. I was the one that had to make all the phone calls to family. I do not remember most of them. All I remember was when someone picked up the phone there was positive anticipation expecting to hear good news. I was the one that had to shatter the joy........shatter the hope of a sister, a niece, a granddaughter. The toughest call was, of course, to my Dad. He was fighting for his life. I always thanked him for fighting back and not giving up. He always said he had a lot of reasons to fight. Certainly one of those reasons to fight was me.........we were best friends...........but Isabella most definitely was high on the list. He could not wait to hold her. I now had to call him and tell him that was not going to happen..........at least not here in this world. To most, he would have appeared to take it very well...........to me, I could hear his heart break like someone had blown off a cannon inches from my face. Not taking it so well was my Mom. My parents were living out of a hotel room near the University of South Carolina where my father was being treated. She was screaming so loudly that hotel staff came running to her to try and ease her pain. Not a good day.

Hours later, my amazing wife was induced into labor. While this makes sense medically it struck me as so unfair at the time. How could one still have to go through labor knowing the outcome was so unpleasant. The rest of our anniversary night was spent waiting. As midnight neared, things were definitely moving forward and pushing was upon us. This part I have shared before but it is at this point when pushing was the instinct that my wife fought back. She fought NOT to push. She used all she had inside of her to hold off until after the clock struck midnight. It was our anniversary. Isabella would not be born...........and as such, officially pronounced dead on this day. Once the clock struck midnight, Crea let nature take its course and shortly thereafter, the doctor was holding Isabella. No screaming baby. Silence except for the sounds of sadness coming from my wife and me. It was such an empty moment.

A little while later our little girl was handed to us and we were left alone. She was so beautiful. So very beautiful. We spent as much time with her as we were allowed. We have pictures of her that I will never ever share. The only one I ever shared is the one you see here with the hands of Mother, Father and Daughter. Crea's family all made it to the hospital. Everyone held Isabella taking their turns at saying both hello and goodbye. Ultimately everyone left except for me. I never left Crea's side. I stayed with Crea the entire time until she was released from the hospital. I do not recall much from those days. Friends and family came and left. I remember going in and out of our room dozens of times and seeing a dove that had been placed on the door. It was the way to let folks know things had not gone so well. I remember calling hotels because we really were not ready to go home. We needed to be somewhere else because the silence in the house would be too much to take. We ultimately found ourselves at a Residence Inn near Manhattan Beach. I had shared our story with them and they naturally put us in their biggest and best room. That was our home base for a while. Home base to plan the memorial service. Home base to figure out how to step forward.

Isabella had passed. I was born.

During our time in the hospital, there were many tears shed but there was a great sense of strength that overcame me. A big part was trying to be strong for Crea. The rest I think ties to being strong for everyone else. The feeling in the air was great sadness........understandably.........but I really felt I had the ability to make it better. I cannot explain it any better than that. I went to work. People were shocked to see me. They did not know what to say. I could see the intense struggle within people so I sat down to write the email I mention above. I tried to find words to make things better. I searched for the positive.

"Strength is born in the deep silence of long-suffering hearts; not amid joy"

Arthur Helps

After sending the email, I was off to be with Crea again. We had to handle all the details that accompany death. We found ourselves at Forest Lawn picking out Urns and at the church planning the memorial service. These were the tasks that filled our days. In mapping out the service, I really felt like I needed to say something. Isabella was my daughter. I needed to speak on her behalf. I needed to make things okay. So, while Crea would hang out at the Residence Inn recovering from the effects of having a baby, I would go to a park in Manhattan Beach with pen and paper and try to find the words to do justice to my precious little angel. We always say about those that passed that they would not want us here suffering. I certainly felt the same about Isabella. She was, after all, just a little girl. She did not know ANY sadness. I always pictured her laughing and playing. I know she was a baby but I never pictured her in Heaven that way. I think Heaven has to afford the luxury of no dirty diapers. Anyway, the words came fairly quickly for me. This memorial service would be all about the blessings that Isabella, in her short time with us, bestowed upon us. I went home, I read the speech to Crea to make sure she was okay with the message. Her tears let me know I was on the right path.

I kept returning to the park only this time I did not need a pen. I just kept saying my speech time and time and time again. My theory on speeches stands very firmly on not using any notes. I say the speech so many times that it is committed to memory and in doing so, I am able to just talk. The speech will come out different every time but the message will always be the same. I am not joking......I must have said this speech 100 times just to make sure I was ready. Sometimes I cried. Sometimes I didn't. For my very last self rehearsal before heading out to the church, I was walking on Pacific Coast Highway. I had just turned into a parking lot and probably appeared insane as I was saying the speech outloud and gave the appearance I was talking to myself. At that point, I looked up and out of the hustle and bustle of the concrete jungle I found myself came this amazing white rabbit. It came out of nowhere. It came right up to me. It did not run away. It did not belong. It did not fit. It felt right, though. It just stared at me from a foot away. For all I know, a mile down the road was a panicked family madly searching for their loving pet that had escaped. For me, it was a moment. I was ready.

Well, the rest is history. Crea and I want to the church. We hovered in the back until the Memorial Service was to start. I remember walking out in amazement. So many people had made the journey to join us. It was incredible. The service went on. 'Tears of Heaven' by Eric Clapton played. Seemed appropriate. I gave my speech. No notes of course. Afterward we stood as a procession of friends and family passed by us to offer some words. The consistent theme was twofold. One, of course, was condolences. The other was gratitude for the words I had shared. People had come wanting to help us but, instead, it was the words I spoke that helped to ease their pain. One good friend of mine shared through tears that he could feel Isabella in the room as I was talking. I, of course, knew she was there and maybe it was her that was giving me the strength to hold everyone on my shoulders during this time.

That is my story. I apologize if it brought any sadness to you. That is not my intent. I read before that there is a big difference between 'dead' and 'passed on'. Isabella most certainly lives on in Crea and I. She also lives on in others. I know this for a fact. She has changed lives. Someone who never took one step on this planet changed lives. What should that tell you? I would argue it should tell you that you can make a difference. Everyone has the ability to make a difference, to affect lives, to affect the world. Every event that touches your life.........be it the happiest moment one can imagine or the loss of your child........has value. In that sense, even the darkest time of your life can be your best time. I am now going to share the speech I gave for Isabella. Read it if you want. Skip it if you want. I questioned for years whether I should share this or not. This year, 7 years later I have decided to put it out there. If you choose to read it, please know this was just the outline I used to speak to. I did not read these words exactly as they appear on the page................I just talked. Secondly, this will certainly not be the best speech you every read. That is not remotely close to my claim. Please remember it is important to my family and I so please treat it as such.

For Isabella

Good afternoon everyone. It is wonderful to see so many loving faces here today and I only wish it were for a much happier occasion than this. Crea and I know that it is not only ourselves and Tiana that need to heal from the loss of our beautiful Isabella but that all of our friends, our family and even some strangers we shared tears with this week that need to heal. We thank you very much for being here.

I have been concerned all week about standing up here and speaking with such a heavy heart. I have not only worried about crying my eyes out but of not crying my eyes out so if I do break down, I know you understand and please bear with me as I will do my best to recover. If, on the contrary I do not break down, please know it is not a sign I have built up a wall to all of this. I have cried my eyes out with Crea for the past week but I have also seen God give me a great amount of strength to help me endure some very tough situations over that same time period.

When Crea and I got married almost exactly 4 years ago, my father was the best man and preceding his toast, he mentioned through crying eyes that asking a parent to give a speech on such an emotional day was asking quite a difficult task. As I stand before you today, I can assure you my father was correct. My wife, Crea, and I come here after a week of tears and for someone that has little difficulty with words, I find words very hard to come by or at least they come very heavy to me. After this week of tears though.....of thought....of reflection....and of prayer, I do come here with something to say for Isabella, though not physically with us anymore has touched my life, has touched Crea's life...has touched all of our lives to the point where I know.......without question, she is a Miracle from God.

I first want to touch on a few things....a few ways Isabella has touched the lives of Crea and I as well as other lives around us. First of all, Isabella...through pregnancy, birth and her passing on to the Lord melded one amazing group of people into what I would now with great pride, great appreciation and great Love call my family. Over the last nine months, and especially shining over the last sorrowful week, everyone has shown Crea and I so much love and caring and compassion through words, through visits.....through a wide array of means for which our gratitude would be difficult to express in words. Seeing people...friends, family and, again, complete strangers that have heard our story...come together as one has truly been a blessing.

From a personal perspective, these types of situations are very difficult for me as all of my blood relatives are on the East coast and being unable to share this loss face to face is quite difficult...especially as it pertains to my mother and father whom I Love and miss terribly. Many of you know my father has been fighting with all the strength God has given him to beat Leukemia and I ask that you keep him in your prayers that God be with him and heal him and give him the strength to keep fighting as there will most definitely be a new grandchild to hold one day soon. Anyway, it is easy when two people come together in marriage to think of my parents versus his or her parents and, to be honest, I may have been victim to that same thought process. I think it is human but Isabella has changed all of that and as I stand here I truly feel I no longer have a mother and father in law or brothers and sisters in law but that I have true family on both sides of the country. I want to thank all of Crea's family and her great friends for taking me in their arms over the past week and making me feel like I do today.

Another blessing that Isabella has provided is that she did give my father another reason to keep fighting through his pain. My Dad could not make it here today but he is here with us and Crea and I are going see my parents in a month and my Dad will see the tape of this service and that is truly a great blessing for me.

I have another daughter that you all know. Her name is Tiana. I have always loved her and I have always considered her my own daughter. Through Isabella, however, my Love and my admiration for Tiana has grown more than I could have thought possible. Over the past week, Crea and I have seen an eleven year old girl put on an amazing show of strength and courage. Crea and I are so proud of you Tiana and please know that Isabella would have Loved you so much as a big sister.

Another blessing over the last week has been Crea and I learning that our relationship with God...our trust in God...our Faith in God is far stronger than either one of us realized. Isabella's passing.....in many ways...could have pushed us away from God. We could have cried out in anger at God but we didn't choose that path. We know that God has Isabella in His hands and we know that Isabella is safe and very well Loved. I do not claim that I understand any of this and we so very much wish we were at home with Isabella right now but we know that Isabella...our beautiful Isabella...is HOME with God and take comfort in that fact.

There are many more blessings that Isabella has bestowed upon us but I only want to mention one more at this time and it is a very important one at that. Isabella....from just the very thought and possibility of her, without question, saved, or at the very least rejuvenated the marriage of Crea and I. Without getting into great detail, there was a time when Crea and I were not looking like our marriage would survive but less than a year ago, God came back into my life.....talk of working things out began.....thoughts of having a child developed and we stand here today very much in Love and very much needing each other. God, of course, was a great catalyst to all of this but the Hope of Isabella really brought us together. Those of you that made it by the hospital this past week were witness to what I am saying and could see how close Crea and I have become. We shared a bed the entire time in the hospital and were pretty much inseparable. We could have been angry with each other...we could have pushed each other away but we chose each other and I thank our little Angel in Heaven for that.

As for Isabella herself.......she was and is such a beautiful little girl. She was so amazing to hold. She had beautiful little hands and beautiful little feet. She had a perfect nose, tiny rosebud lips and a little cleft like mine in her chin. Her heart stopped beating but I know it was a big heart....a Godly heart and I know she would have been an amazing person to know and I am sorry I will not get to see her grow up. Her earthly measurements were 5 lbs 9 ounces and 19 inches long but her Godly measurements go far beyond that. As one great friend wrote to me in an email this week:

"It never hurts to think about having your own little saint already in heaven who intervenes directly with God on your behalf. In that sense, you have truly been blessed in a special way!"

This is how Crea and I choose to look at what has happened and we hope you all do too. In closing, I would like to quote myself from a poem I wrote long ago. Those of you at our wedding heard this verse. It reads:

"I will hold you in my arms on the day our lives cross like I have held you in my heart for as long as I can remember."

Isabella, I have held you in my heart my whole life. I dreamed of you my little baby girl. I will never ever forget you and I will see you in Heaven.

Christopher D Wilno

Now two more things:

First, I would like to offer some words to those that may find themselves in a place of despair....financially, physically, emotionally or all of the above.

"You have to accept whatever comes and the only important thing is that you meet it with courage and with the best that you have to give" Eleanor Roosevelt

I believe we all go through things for a reason and, for that to be true, we have to accept we are where we are meant to be. If you can read this post, you are breathing and that means you have more to accomplish with your time here. I truly believe.....with all that I am......that blessings come from even the darkest of events and most trying of times. Open your eyes. The blessings may be in front of you. They may be around the corner. They may reveal themselves immediately or they may be hidden for years. I am certain of one thing, though, and that is the blessings are there. Live your life with passion and out of your darkness will come amazing things.

"It's not what they take away from you that counts, it's what you do with what you have left that counts" Hubert H. Humphrey

I lost a father. I lost a daughter. I watched my wife fight cancer twice. Dark times...perhaps....but I gained the understanding my Dad and Isabella are still with me. I gained the understanding I will see them again. I gained a wife. I gained some amazing friends. I gained an organization in Team in Training that allows me to fight back. I gained the ability to help others. I gained the knowledge I can make a difference. I gained the knowledge anyone can make a difference. I gained the knowledge any one person has the ability to change the world. I gained a son, Jaden. I gained a daughter, Thalia. I gained running. I gained triathlon. I gained a life of giving back and for that I could never have regrets.

My favor

Lastly for this post is the favor I request of you. It is a simple one. On August 1st, I would be honored at some point in the day if you would raise a glass in Isabella's name. A simple toast to her. It can be a beer, a shot, a glass of water or a triple shot Latte......it does not matter to me. Just help me remember the little girl I miss so much, the little girl I carry in my heart.....the little girl that made me who I am. To Isabella.

Three Anniversaries - One Day

2010-05-06T07:22:00.001-07:00

I am so many blogs behind. My schedule makes it very challenging to find the time to write even though it is what I love to do and perhaps one of the things I do well.....I guess I would like to think I do it well. I owe a writeup of Lavaman and I want to write a blog to those thinking about a marathon and I want to blog the Summer 2010 Westside Team in Training season. I hope to get to this but for now I wanted to take 5 minutes and write about today, May 6, 2010. One day. Three Anniversaries.

On May 5, 1997, I found myself late packing for Santa Barbara. I was heading to UC Santa Barbara for a Mock interview session. I was heavily involved with recruiting while working at KPMG and May 6th was to be a day of interviews designed to teach the students how to interview.......treat it as a real interview but for the sake of giving feedback. It could help you but not hurt you. I was so late that I just grabbed a suit, shirt and tie and hung it up in my car skipping the suitcase. All was well except when I arrived to my hotel room later that night.......no tie!!! In today's world of casual business attire this might have been acceptable but back in the day (I am officially so old that I can use this saying) we were very formal and there was no way I could show up without a tie.

Enter Crea Rockwood. She was the student that helped coordinate this Mock Interview session with all of the firms and I reached out to her to mention my situation. She agreed to meet me a little early on May 6th and take me to the student store to see if they might have a tie. I still remember walking on campus and Crea coming out to greet me. I remember three things as if this happened 5 minutes ago. I remember her amazing smile which can light the planet, I remember her energy which also could light the planet and.......I hate to admit it but I am nothing if not honest.....her butt. I remember thinking she was very fit which would probably impress me more today than it should have then because I had stopped running and did very little but work. Anyway, we went to the store and I bought quite possibly the ugliest tie on the planet. It had stripes that made no sense and a big UCSB logo but it got me through until lunch when I made my way to Nordstrom and purchased a more appropriate tie.

The rest of the day went on without a hitch. It is all a blur until the interviews were over and I remember loitering to see if Crea would come back. She did, I asked if she wanted to grab a bite to eat, she accepted and the rest is history as on July 31, 1999 we were married in Thousand Oaks, CA. For the record, I still have that tie I bought from Nordstrom and I still wear it today which signals both that I know how to pick a timeless tie and that I consider May 6, 1997 a very lucky day.

At this point you know why May 6th is my 13th anniversary with Crea. Now to why it is my 11th and my 1st. It all ties to the story most of you already know so I will be brief. On July 31, 2003, my sixth wedding anniversary, my wife called me 2 days before our little girl Isabella was to be born. She did not call because of going into labor like one would expect. She called to tell me she could not feel Isabella kicking anymore. It was a bad bad day. I have so many vivid images.........running out of work faster than I had ever run..........my screeching tires leaving work and the fear of God on the look of my coworker because she could see the fear in my eyes as I drove off........the ultrasound where they tried time and time again to find a heartbeat.......my screams when they couldn't.........my wife's labor, all her effort knowing the outcome would not be a good one. Crea fought with all she had NOT to push. I think it was so that Isabella would be born and as such pass on a day different than our wedding anniversary. Once the clock struck midnight and the calendar changed to August, my wife let go and Isabella made her way directly from Crea's womb to the hands of God which I have to say must be a blessed life.

Since 2003, we have always celebrated our wedding anniversary on July 31st and what we call Isabella's Day on August 1st. The combination of the two has always felt very odd. We really try to treat Isabella's Day with joy knowing she did live that blessed life knowing none of life's hardships. We try to picture her with all our relatives having a good time up in Heaven but, truth be told the cliche 'the Silence is Deafening' applies here. It is a day that should be filled with cake and laughing children and a Megan Fox pinata (ok the pinata is for me). This overwhelming silence is always the hard part for me. It is because of all this that it is tough to really celebrate July 31st. As such, Crea and I have decided to move our wedding anniversary forward to coincide with the day we met. May 6, 2010 is now the thirteenth anniversary of the day we met, the first anniversary that we celebrate on this day and our eleventh wedding anniversary. For me, I like to think it is our first anniversary as well because I think we need a fresh start. We have been through a lot during our marriage. We are hopefully beyond Crea's cancer. We have got caught up in work and life and not spent as much time as we should with each other, friends and family. My hope is that going forward we get it all right and take some time to smell the roses. There is a song by Paper Tongues called 'What If" that, for me, brings a lot of meaning to this day and it is my song to Crea. "What if we start over right now, come back together and break down"

Hope Next Exit Playlist

2010-04-09T07:34:00.000-07:00

ARTIST	SONG
Shout Out Louds	Impossible
Hot Hot Heat	Bandages
Beastie Boys	Sabotage
Moby	Alice (Radio Edit)
The Sugarhill Gang	Rapper's Delight
Snoop Dogg & Dat Nigga Daz	Gin and Juice
Snoop Dogg	Who Am I (What's My Name)?
Nelly	Country Grammar (Hot...)
The XX	Crystalised
The Duke Spirit	The Step and the Walk
The Apples In Stereo	Dance Floor
Run-DMC	My Adidas
DJ EZ Rock & Rob Base	It Takes Two
3rd Bass	Pop Goes the Weasel
2Pac & Talent	Changes
Broken Bells	The High Road
Broken Bells	The Ghost Inside
The Roots & Cody Chestnutt	The Seed (2.0)
Shout Out Louds	The Comeback
Groove Armada	I See You Baby (Fatboy Slim Radio Edit)
The Raconteurs	Level
Lo Fidelity Allstars	Battle Flag (Feat. Pigeonhead)
Shout Out Louds	Fall Hard
Mark Ronson featuring Kasabian	L.S.F. (Version Revisited)
Neon Trees	Animal
The Temper Trap	Sweet Disposition
The Soft Pack	Answer to Yourself
Radiohead	High and Dry
Queen Latifah	Ladies First
Spoon	I Saw the Light
N.A.S.A.	Gifted (feat. Kanye West, Santigold & Lykke Li)
Beck	Girl
Leona Lewis	Happy
Florence + The Machine	Kiss With a Fist
Michael Jackson	P.Y.T. (Pretty Young Thing)
Digital Underground	The Humpty Dance
Hockey	Learn to Lose
Hockey	Too Fake
The Duke Spirit	Neptune's Call
Citizen Cope & Santana	Son's Gonna Rise
Cage the Elephant	Ain't No Rest for the Wicked
The Charlatans	Blackened Blue Eyes
Groove Armada	Get Down (feat. Stush)
The Charlatans	Weirdo
Portugal The Man	Work All Day
The Chemical Brothers	Galvanize
Cut Chemist	The Audience Is Rural
Company of Thieves	Oscar Wilde
!!! (Chk Chk Chk)	Heart of Hearts
Eminem	Lose Yourself
Dr. Dre	Nuthin' but a "G" Thang
Gorillaz	19-2000 (Soul Child Remix)
Paper Tongues	Dance About It
The Almost	Hands
Jack Peñate	Everything Is New
Max Sedgley	Happy
Snap!	The Power
Run-DMC	Walk This Way
The Big Pink	Dominos
The Bravery	This Is Not the End
She Wants Revenge	All Wound Up
Paper Tongues	Trinity
Infadels	Can't Get Enough
Puscifer	The Mission (M Is for Milla Mix)
Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros	40 Day Dream
Portugal The Man	The Home
The Roots	Here I Come
Spinnerette	Ghetto Love
Silversun Pickups	Panic Switch
Black Sheep	The Choice Is Yours
The Duke Spirit	Send a Little Love Token
The Heavy	How You Like Me Now (Single Edit)
Say Hi	Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh
Beck	E-Pro
The Vines	Get Free
Placebo	For What It's Worth
Phoenix	1901
Nine Inch Nails	Capital G
LCD Soundsystem	Daft Punk Is Playing At My House
Peaches	Talk to Me
Lady Sovereign	Jigsaw
BPT & DM Binxter	Moody (BPT Original Mix Radio Edit)
Dave Matthews Band	Funny the Way It Is
El-P & Aesop Rock	Run the Numbers
Jack Peñate	Be the One
Cage the Elephant	In One Ear
Danger Mouse & Jemini	Ghetto Pop Life
Oasis	Champagne Supernova
Santogold	L.E.S. Artistes
Saul Williams	List of Demands (Reparations)
The Verve	Bittersweet Symphony
Will Smith	Summertime
The Dead Weather	Hang You from the Heavens
Band of Skulls	I Know What I Am
Radiohead	Planet Telex
Lady Sovereign	I Got You Dancing
Naughty By Nature	Hip Hop Hooray
The Cure	Freakshow (Mix 13)
Rage Against the Machine	Renegades of Funk
Beck	Leopard-Skin Pill-Box Hat
Peter Bjorn and John	Nothing to Worry About
Louis XIV	There's a Traitor In This Room
Working for a Nuclear Free City	Troubled Son
Lords of Acid	Do What You Wanna Do
Billie Holiday	Spreadin' Rhythm Around (Lady Bug vs. Lady Day RR Remix)
Dr. Dre	Let Met Ride
Stereophonics	Maybe Tomorrow (Decade In The Sun Version)
Coldplay	One I Love
Infadels	Universe In Reverse
The Kooks	Do You Wanna (Single Mix)
Dave Matthews Band	Crush
Coldplay	Lost!
MSTRKRFT	Bounce (feat. N.O.R.E.) [Extended Version]
Plump DJs	Shifting Gears
The Kooks	Always Where I Need to Be
El-P & Central Services	Jukie Skate Rock
Poe	Hey Pretty
Freestylers	Don't Stop
Jasper James	It's On
Gorillaz	Stylo (feat. Mos Def & Bobby Womack)
Trona	Smash 'n Go
Freestylers feat. Ragman	Pocketful of Sadness
El-P & Trent Reznor	Flyentology
The Asteroids Galaxy Tour	Around the Bend
Slaughterhouse	The One
Prodigy	Get Up Get Off
Jamiroquai	Feels Just Like It Should
Trick Daddy	Let's Go
Justice	D.A.N.C.E.
Led Zeppelin	Ramble On
Oakenfold featuring Brittany Murphy	Faster Kill Pussycat
Dinah Washington	Is You Is or Is You Ain't My Baby? (Rae and Christian Remix)
The Game & 50 Cent	Westside Story (Clean Version)
Snoop Dogg & Bee Gees	Ups & Downs
Freestylers feat. Ragman, Bad Manner & Ewan O'Brien	Could I Be Dreaming
Quad City DJ's	C'mon N' Ride It (The Train)
De La Soul	Ring Ring Ring (Ha Ha Hey) (UK 7" Version)
B Funk Productions	Disco Rockin'
Yo Majesty	Club Action
Madonna	Ray of Light
The Submarines	You, Me and the Bourgeoisie

April 3rd Coming Quickly - Hope Next Exit Update

2010-03-18T21:03:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone. Reaching out as a reminder about April 3rd.

Pretty Please with a S'more on Top RSVP as to whether you are attending or not. We will start getting all the goods this weekend because next week is the actual Team in Training event I am participating in to honor Crea's battle and all the battles lost, won, in progress and yet to come. It has been a tough training season. I missed 5 weeks with what I thought was a stress fracture. As it turns out...no fracture but most likely compartment nerve syndrome. Doc said I could run through it so I did. At first it went away but it has recently come back with a vengeance affecting even my bike. All I can do is give 110% of whatever I have on race day and that is what I will do. Back to the party...man we are going to have a ton of food so please show up hungry. We always planned to buy mass quantities but on top of that restaurants have been very kind to this event. That leaves more money for alcohol so bring your drink on but save some sobriety for making S'mores at the fire pit. No fear if you don't like S'mores as there will be plenty of other amazing desserts.

If you could also let me know if you are bringing children, I would appreciate it. We are trying to make a decision as to bringing a baby sitter to help folks out. Also, if your children have special eating requirements...let us know.

Hope Next Exit - April 3rd + Surgery Update

2010-03-11T19:48:00.001-08:00

The party is back on and is scheduled for Saturday, April 3rd. If we are connected on Facebook, you are probably already aware. If we are connected on Twitter and you happened to be online in the 5 minute span I tweeted this, you are probably already aware. If we are not connected via these two means, the dilemma is how to share the news. We have all these amazing technologies to communicate but there are so many of them. As such, my last approach is to create a blog entry to give you the details then go to FB, Twitter, personal email and work email and blast out the link.

Our first attempt at the celebration was postponed and, as it turns out, with good reason. The most important reason was that Crea needed a little more time to heal. I was a little ambitious with wanting to do something for her and failed to take into consideration the party was only 1.5 weeks after major surgery. This shows signs of good husband and bad husband all at the same time. The other reason is that it was pouring when we would have had this celebration. I know many would have battled the weather but it just didn't feel right to Crea and I. The reason we are all to get together feels like a very SUNNY occasion. Sitting inside to avoid the rain did not seem to fit the bill. Personally, if we all sat outside in the rain.....that would fit the bill for me but I am certain I am alone with this thought process.

I can tell I might be slightly long winded here so let me give you the details first:

When: April 3, 2010

Where: 1047 Berkeley Street, Santa Monica (any issues, call my cell at 310.863.9607)

Why: To celebrate a new cancer free life for Crea and the clearing of another hurdle for our family.

Why: To make strides towards finding a cure for Cancer so that one day we no longer need to hear of the losses created by such a horrible disease.

Kids are welcome by the way. If enough interest, we will try to provide a sitter on site and my do some Easter egg hunt to keep the kids entertained (leaving religion out of the hunt in case Easter isn't your thing....just something fun for the kids)

There is an event created on Facebook. Feel free to connect with me (Christopher Wilno) on Facebook and I will officially invite you there or the invite is public so you should be able to find it under the name HOPE NEXT EXIT - CANCER BEATEN . This link might also take you there:

FACEBOOK LINK CLICK HERE

Anyway, by now you probably understand the nature of the party. It is first a celebration and second a fundraiser. I will talk about Crea's procedure briefly below but this party is to honor my wife's second battle with cancer that was won on February 24th. We have an amazing space thanks to our good friends Nick and Jon who have opened their house to us. As a side note, Nick is currently a survivor thanks to the drug Gleevac. We met on a run with Team in Training where I learned after he kicked my butt that he was on this drug that literally saved his life. We will have a lot of food. We will have a lot of drink featuring a stocked bar and bartenders to serve you. If you know me.....there will most definitely be dessert.....a lot of dessert. Later in the evening S'mores will make an appearance at the fire pit outside where pictures must be taken and posted to Facebook and Twitter. In addition to the outside fire pit, there is a great deck on top of the house, a pool room, etc, etc. We will be playing music throughout the house for your listening pleasure. Most importantly, Crea will be there and she will be there cancer free.

The secondary point of this party is an attempt to raise money to fight cancer. All of you know my father passed away from a blood cancer. Crea was next on the target list but cancer lost this battle. On the guest list there are many stories tied to cancer. One of my very good friends has his wife currently battling stage 4 cancer......a battle that currently doesn't portray a happy ending. My good friend is watching his Mom battle non Hodgkin's lymphoma....a blood cancer without a cure. My good friend battled cancer 4 times, won each time, ended up with a weakened heart....had a heart transplant and I stood in Malibu as he crossed the finish line an athlete. The stories go on and on and on and on. Some happy. Some sad. All warranting that we fight on their behalf. So, if you are so inclined, we are suggesting $20 per person at the door. You can give more, you can give less and you certainly do not have to give anything at all. There will be baskets around the house if you want to donate. Nobody will be collecting at the door. WHETHER YOU DONATE OR NOT, PLEASE COME EAT AND DRINK AS MUCH AS YOU WANT AND STAY WITH US FOR THE EVENING. Many of you have already made very generous donations and it is all greatly appreciated. To date, I have raised $15,000 to honor Crea's battle and help fight cancer. Since joining Team in training, I have raised $65,000 to honor Crea, my Dad, my daughter Isabella and all the stories I have heard over the years. I owe all of this to amazing friends and family. I am not creative. I just write letters and emails and you guys respond in an amazing way.........I guess I do train a little too.

Another way to help is to buy raffle tickets which we will have at the party as well. They are $20 each. Currently the plan is to sell 250 tickets and then cut it off for a drawing. Prizes as of now are an HP Media Smart Server, and Acer netbook, an autographed football, Target gift card, Starbucks Gift Card and a Kodak Pocket Video Camera. Some of these items were donated and I bought some of them. That is the skinny on the party. It would mean the world to us if you can make it to celebrate with us. Friends and family were such a part of this journey and we would like to end this segment of the journey (while praying the trip is over) with a bang.

Now to give you some brief details of the day and how it transpired. We arrived at Cedars Sinai at 10am. I should say Crea arrived at 10am. While the hospital is amazing, the parking situation is not so amazing. It took several lots and 30 minutes before I gave up and parked at the Beverly Center and raced back. Shortly after I made it back to Crea we had to head to imaging for an ultrasound of the affected area. The picture at the right is Crea and I waiting for the docs to come for the ultrasound. This ultrasound was to look for the cancerous nodes and nodules and mark a path for the surgeon so he could more easily get to the cancerous area. One approach is to actually inject die in the node but, as it turns out, this was not the chosen path. The approach chosen was to simply mark the skin with X's indicated affected areas.

After a few minutes, the ultrasound was underway. I am not sure but it seemed like I was more nervous than Crea. I am not sure why but I think it stems back to the loss of my daughter. I remember clearly sitting in the hospital while an ultrasound was performed searching for a heartbeat that was never found. Ever since that moment I have not been the biggest fan of the ultrasound. In this instance, however, the ultrasound was serving a great purpose. The doctor was able to find 5 Lymph nodes and/or nodules. One was in the thyroid bed itself and the others were to the right of the bed. One X marked the spot of the nodule in the bed. Two X's marked the beginning and end to the area containing the other 4 nodules. Once we were done here we actually headed over to the waiting room where Crea would be admitted for surgery. I would say the mood was pleasant but tense. Crea is an incredibly strong person........I would say far stronger than I in certain capacities. If she was nervous........she certainly wasn't showing it. Just prior to Crea being called back for surgery we were able to take this next photo. I posted it online so you may have already seen it. You can see the X's that I refer to above. Looks like a tattoo gone bad but a very useful tattoo it was.

At this point, Crea was being prepared for surgery and I was in 'sit and wait' mode. The wait was to see her one last time before going under and to speak with the surgeon clarifying time expectations. While in reality, not much time had passed.......it felt like hours before I was told I could go back and see Crea. She was certainly ready for surgery...in her gown all set up for an IV... which helped bring the reality of everything to further clarity. Crea was still as calm as could be. The surgeon came in. He seemed calm and confident and that was very reassuring. He walked us through details of the procedure and told me that he hoped to be complete with surgery by 4pm and that, if he wasnt complete, he would send somebody out to provide me an update. At this point, it was time to say our 'See You Later's' which we did. I was then off to the Theater of Good News To Come.........which if you follow me on Twitter know is what I call the waiting room. Also if you follow me on Twitter, you know I was not in the theater long for I needed food. I headed to the cafeteria to take in some calories and more importantly kill some time to keep my brain from going on overload. I ate and tweeted. Everyone on Facebook and Twitter were AMAZING!! These guys talked to me all day and helped me get through some tough hours. I like to laugh my way through everything so I doubt my nerves showed in CyberSpace but truthfully, 4pm couldn't come soon enough for me. After food, I went back to the TOGNTC (the theater) where Crea's Mom arrived. I updated her with what I knew and how the day would play out and then sat to do some work. While half of me was offended I was working, the other half was thankful for something to take my mind off things. We were very near month end at work and I took some time to make sure everyone on my team was going to earn their bonus and, if not, figure a way how to get them there. Other than this, I dont remember too much except for some HORRIBLE coffee I drank in the theater. Once 3 o'clock rolled around, I just finished wipin' my car down.........sorry, Summertime by Will Smith just jumped into my head (yes I know it is 6 oclock in the song). Once 3 o'clock rolled around, I just finished .......Damn. I did it again. Okay, at 3pm, it was time to put down the work. I checked out FB and Twitter to kill some time but I was just waiting for the doc. I remember the theater was full of people. I have always said to remember people's names and to know their story. I wondered what stories were in this room. I had met a few folks and wished them all well. I could tell some stories were happy.......some sad.......same as the real world outside the hospital walls.

The clock strikes 3:45 and the surgeon shows up........early!!! I guess I could have assumed early was bad but I took this as a good sign. The surgeon said everything went great. The marks on Crea's neck aided tremendously. He was able to find everything.......although he did find a few more than the five........and he was able to do so without harming the vocal chords which was certainly a risk to the surgery. The other risk was harming a parathyroid gland and he felt confident that all was well related to this. We all have 4 parathyroid glands.........they produce Calcium. Crea had one harmed in her first bout with cancer so she is living with 3....which is fine. If another got harmed........she would still be okay but would be on some heavy doses of vitamins the rest of her life. I remember hopping on my iPhone to tweet the news. I believe I wrote "Cage Match Over - Cancer Beaten" or something similar. Within seconds, I had so many responses from FB and Twitter friends. The support was truly overwhelming. I appreciate you guys so much. Some are friends of many years and some are folks Crea and I have never met. Either way, Crea and I never felt alone through the process and to have everyone share the joy of the moment was incredible!

Anyway more time passed and then Crea's Mom and I were allowed back. Crea will kill me for posting this picture but this was what I walked into. It gets me a little upset even seeing it today. She was so out of it and in pain. Tough to watch when you can not really do too much to help. After some time here, Crea was moved to her own room (we were in post op here) to settle in for the evening. Once there and settled in.........I hate to admit it but I fell asleep for 2 hours while she remained awake. The release of stress from everything being over and having gone well made my eyes extremely heavy. To shorten the story from here, Crea was released the next day. She was very tired and very sore and spent most of her time resting..........and catching up with Lost Season 5 so we can watch the final season together. A week or so later she was back at the doc having her stitches removed. At this appointment we also received the news that 7 nodes/nodules had been removed. Of the seven, six were cancerous. The doc was very confident that he removed it all. This isn't to say it wont come back but the odds of a return keep decreasing as time goes by. Crea is technically considered in remission at this point.

So, that is our story. The next blog will have pictures from the party of people and s'mores. After that this blog will probably head a different direction but stay in the spirit of Good Plus One. I will focus more on running and my experiences with Team in Training, my beliefs that 26.2 miles can change your life and my belief that blessings come from even the worst of times. Until then, I hope to see you at the party!!!!

In case you are not at the party and want to make a donation, you can click on the link at the top left of this blog. If you would rather go directly to my fundraising page, the link to there is as follows: http://pages.teamintraining.org/los/lavatri10/4mywife

Hope Next Exit Celebration Postponed

2010-03-04T08:08:00.000-08:00

After much stress and deliberation, we are going to postpone this event until April. This was an incredibly hard decision. I talked with Crea a lot and I sought input from many. Rain or shine we do have an amazing reason to celebrate and I know everyone would have braved the rain. In the end, the space we are using will be very crowded if 80 of us are inside the house. The main reason, however, ties to the fact this is a 'Sunny' occasion that warrants a good day where we are all hanging out and enjoying the deck and the fire pit. We were going to BBQ outside and that would also be challenging. Lastly and most importantly, Crea could use a little more healing time and I am sure she would love her bandages to be off so she can really feel this is all behind her.

I was worried everyone would be upset that we postpone so I really hope you understand and I really hope you can make it when the date is finalized. Your support has been incredible and TRULY has helped us both to date. We still have an amazing reason to celebrate and look forward to doing so with you. We will still have amazing food and an amazing list of drinks at the bar (plus beer and wine of course) with bartenders to actually make them for you, s'mores will make a very special appearance at the fire pit, we will still have a raffle and hopefully we have some amazing weather!

Dates currently being considered are
April 17 - tough day for Crea as she has a 15 hour work day
April 3 - Day before Easter and not sure house is available
April 24th - best date if house is available

Let me know your thoughts. Thanks for understanding. If you want to donate in honor of Crea now, you can get to the link above. In case that doesnt work, you can go straight to the site at http://pages.teamintraining.org/los/lavatri10/4mywife . You can also wait for the party and you also dont have to give at all so please feel NO pressure.

Before I part, a special thanks to Jesyka Lueck who offered up this party as a way to help and offered up her time and the time of her friends to make the party successful. The same thanks goes to Lori Jomsky who jumped in to help make things happen and secured a ton of donations so that we could eat really really well at the party. Thanks to Nick and Jon for opening up their home to all of us for this event.....still waiting for them to let me move into this amazing house and lastly a thanks to Chris Schauble......our favorite NBC morning anchor who got the real scoop on the weather for me so that we could more soundly make this decision. Last thanks goes to my amazing wife Crea for putting up with me, for being my best friend and for being an amazing mother to our children.

We cannot wait to see you guys in April to celebrate a cancer free wife and make strides to a cancer free world!

Hope Next Exit

2010-02-23T18:00:00.000-08:00

It has been a long time since my last blog entry...............I think I am averaging an entry per month at this point which is pathetic but life is very hectic where I sit. Things went quickly through the first three doctor visits but then we hit a standstill. I think the reason for this standstill is twofold:

1)There was such a big disparity among the first three surgeons that we were left very confused with how to proceed, and

2)I really believe Crea just needed to get through the Holidays, pushing all of this talk of cancer to the back burner. Christmas time, and the Holidays in general, hold a special place in our hearts. These times are even more incredible with little children so, for the sake of savouring Jaden's 5th Christmas and Thalia's 2nd Christmas, we did not discuss the decision needing resolution. It was also nice to have Tiana around. She is 18 now and off being an adult so I know Crea wanted to just enjoy the moment. It was hard for me but I just let it be.... trusting all would be well.

After the Holidays, we determined to go back to see Dr. Adashek. He was the first surgeon we visited and the one we felt most comfortable with. We returned to see him at Cedars Sinai and informed him that we had been making the rounds getting multiple opinions. His response.....which for me confirmed he was the right surgeon........was to hold a mock roundtable pretending to be the other surgeons. He gave the arguments for their stance on the approach that should be taken concluding that no surgeon was wrong.........it was just a matter of opinion. It was amazing to see him take such a neutral position simply to help us in making our decision.

Shortly after the visit, Crea confirmed she wanted to use Adashek and then we went into a holding pattern waiting for the hospital to confirm a surgery date. When confirmation came back, February 24th was the day..........the day we never thought would be here again.........the day my wife would be operated on to have cancer hopefully for the last time. It is the sequel you never want to experience.

Crea immediately had to make multiple pre-op appointments. The first was with the endocrinologist for a general physical, EKG, chest x-ray, blood work, etc, etc. All went fine with this appointment so it was on to the next which was an Ear, Nose and Throat doctor. This appointment was to evaluate her vocal chords to confirm she was okay for surgery. I was not able to attend this appointment but learned she had to have a small camera inserted up her nose to ultimately help view her throat...........not very pleasant sounding.........and not very pleasant according to my lovely wife. The results again concluded that surgery is a go. On another note, the camera was left in and now she can take photos when she blinks her eyes. Just kidding, of course, but I needed a moment here.

So........here we are. It is February 23rd as I type this entry. My wife is an amazingly strong woman and is holding up very well with less than 24 hours to go. Immediately after confirmation of surgery we shared some tears.............not really ones of fear necessarily.......more sadness that it all has to transpire again. For me, I wish I could do more. I wish I could go in for the surgery on her behalf. I can't and that makes me sad. We are confident that all will go well. Despite 3 very different opinions on the approach for the surgery, all 3 doctors shared the opinion that Crea would come out of all of this just fine. If there is one point I would want them to agree on.........they picked the right one.

We will arrive at the hospital at 10am on February 24th. At 11am there will be an ultrasound to mark the cancer to make life easier for the surgeon during the operation. My wife will also have some machine hooked up to her that alerts the surgeon if he accidentally touches her vocal chords. One of the risks to this surgery ties to harming the vocal chords leaving her forever hoarse. I guess there could be worse outcomes but I can't focus on those. I want my wife to come out on the other side of the surgery cancer free. I want her voice to be unharmed because she has been through so much already and she deserves everything to be fine. For me, I just need my wife.

Thanks for all the support from friends and family. It has been amazing. A special shout out to the Twitter world who have shown kindness to myself (@run2savelives) and my wife (@createrese) when, in the real world, we are virtually strangers. Six months ago, if I was asked if you could have great friends in people you have never met, I surely would have replied it was not possible. Today, there are many people I have never met that I would consider great friends and would go out of my way to help.

I will try to keep folks in the loop on February 24th via Twitter and Facebook. The day will be primarily one of sitting and waiting and hoping and praying. I take comfort knowing I am not in control and believe God will let the day play out according to his plan. I only ask that on February 25th, my wife is home and cancer free.

If you would like to help me honor my wife's battle you can click on the link above or go straight to my Team in Training fundraising page at http://pages.teamintraining.org/los/lavatri10/4mywife .

If you are in Los Angeles on March 6th, I am throwing a party/fundraiser to celebrate a healthy wife and to help raise funds to ensure a cancer free world for our kids or our kid's kids. I am calling the event 'Hope Next Exit'. You can click on the link below to get more information or hook up with me on Facebook

Hope Next Exit - http://www.facebook.com/p.php?i=1049301005&k=Z6AUZ5V2U2TF6BD1QJ3ZUUR2UUIB42YLQPDYF&oid=352347581336

Thanks for reading.

Dr Giuliano and CIM

2009-12-11T23:56:00.000-08:00

I know our visit to pursue the approach for Crea's cancer and CIM don't immediately leap out as fit material for the same blog entry but there are some similarities. At CIM, I ended up in the medical tent for a few hours so they both require a trip to the doc. Additionally, since hearing the news of my wife's cancer, most of my runs take me to a place of thinking about her and this race in Sacramento would be no different.

I will first venture to Cedars-Sinai where Crea and I were meeting with Dr. Giuliano. He specializes on thyroid and breast cancer. He operated on my mother in law for breast cancer and was the surgeon that operated on Crea during her first run with cancer in 2004. That surgery happened on November 11, 2004 which was a mere 13 days after my son Jaden was born. We had learned about the cancer in the summer of that year and had the difficult decision of whether to fight the cancer before or after Jaden was born. Humor would lead to surely risk the wife but reality makes things more difficult especially when you have already been to a memorial service for one of your children. We chose to attack the cancer after Jaden was born, which until recently seemed like the right decision. Jaden was healthy. Crea was healthy. That all changed in early November and it is hard not to question our initial decision once the cancer returned. I believe in a life of no regrets, though, and I believe it is really all in God's hands anyway but I am human and some of those human thoughts invade my head from time to time.

I remember both days.....my son being born........and my wife's first surgery very well. I was a train wreck for both. I was the nervous Dad on steroids when Jaden was being born. I had been in that same hospital in Santa Monica 1 year 2.5 months earlier watching nurses search for the heartbeat on my little angel Isabella all to no avail. Now I was back and I was paranoid. Every time the heart rate belt moved and the heart rate stopped showing on the monitors, I called the nurse. They must have readjusted that belt 20 times but they put up with me. I remember the same nurse that had been there for Isabella was back for Jaden. It was as if we were all coming full circle from a very sad day to a very happy one. I also know I wasn't alone in my paranoia because once Jaden was born and his cries were heard there was not a dry eye in the house. They were tears of joy and tears of relief all at the same time. I remember when the OB/GYN, Dr. Gonzales first saw Jaden she cried out "we have a chubby one". She was certainly not exaggerating. He was two weeks early and still over 9 pounds. He was enormous for the first year of his life and could have been on The Biggest Loser Baby Edition. He was amazing though...still is.

Shortly after Jaden was born, we were back in a hospital for Crea's surgery. She was to have her thyroid gland removed and would later receive radiation therapy. I remember thinking the surgery would go quickly and I remember thinking it didn't go quickly. I was pacing and pacing and pacing and worrying and worrying and worrying. Finally, Dr. Giuliano came out. He said everything went well but he did have to take out a few lymph nodes and he removed one parathyroid gland. I remember the 'lymph node' news rattling my brain but I stored it away for future use.......which happens to be when the cancer came back in November 2009. Crea went home and recovered and shortly after the holidays, she received radiation treatment where she was quarantined from all of us for a month....the hardest part of course not being able to hold our new addition.

That was 5 years ago and now we were back with Dr. Giuliano. He came in and talked with us. We shared all the facts. He exuded confidence but not in an arrogant way..........it was actually quite comforting. When he talks, you just feel like everything is going to be okay. Both of the first two surgeons believed we should operate.........with the ability to wait until January/February but not waiting so long as summer. One wanted to go in and remove the lymph nodes we knew were bad and any suspicious looking ones and the other wanted to take out every lymph node. I had expected the search for a surgeon to be more a function of personality and confidence level with the doctors all sharing the same opinion on how to proceed. I had been proven very wrong to date and Dr. Giuliano continued the trend. His opinion..........wait 6 months and do nothing for now. I couldn't believe it. It was yet another extreme. I tell people that if I had to rate the approaches of each surgeon on a scale of 1 to 10, I would give Dr. Adashek a 4, Dr. Yeh a 12 and Dr. Giuliano a 0. All are very good doctors. We are probably in great hands no matter which choice we make but the three different opinions are making this a challenging process.

Dr. Giuliano felt that ultrasounds are not that reliable. He felt the tumors were small at just over 1 centimeter. He, like everyone, says this is a very slow growing cancer (he was a big part of us choosing to wait until after Jaden was born the first time). If you add all of this up, he concludes we wait and let things progress. One side of you wants to rejoice at the news and the other flashes to the doctors who said we should not wait until summer. I believe Dr. Giuliano saw some anxiety in our faces so he offered both an MRI and a biopsy in order to be absolutely certain as to whether we should move forward now or postpone. As of writing this, we really have not made a decision. I am not sure what we are waiting for. Maybe it is the Holidays. Maybe it is some comfort in Dr. Giuliano's words. Maybe it is the hope that some sign will present itself that guides us to the right decision. One sign tried to present itself when Crea was visiting Dr. Singer at UCLA for a running injury she incurred. During that visit, he asked about her general health to which she gave him more info than he bargained for. The 'sign' came when he heard Dr. Giuliano's name mentioned. He went into great detail of how amazing he is which is great when you get such a strong unbiased opinion. Dr. Giulano is very well known for being a great surgeon. His cost seems to go hand and hand with this news but when it comes to times like this, cost really isn't one of the deciding factors. In fact, I am the guy that gains comfort by a higher cost..........kind of like you don't want your sushi to be so inexpensive you worry it is going to be 3 weeks old and result in the removal of your intestine.

For now, we will keep talking about the decision and I am sure an approach will be reached by Crea and I. Truth be told, it is not really my decision. I can only offer my thoughts, my opinions and try to hear the things that perhaps she might have missed. Crea has to be comfortable with the surgeon, the approach and the time frame. She is a bright girl though so I have all the faith in the world she will make a good choice.........she married me after all.

Okay, on to the race. I really try my best during a race to zone out so I am very short with the race recaps. Truthfully, in my perfect race, I do not see a mile marker until mile 16 or so. I pull my visor down and just run. For CIM, I was in great shape. I really did not have a time goal but I did say to a few people that if I finish slower than 3:30, something went horribly wrong. My time was 3:37:07 and yes.......some things went horribly wrong.

The days before the race were uneventful. I arrived in Sacramento on Friday for the Sunday race. I checked into a Marriott Residence Inn a few blocks from the finish line (this is a point to point race) primarily so that I could have a kitchen and eat the foods I always eat. Based on this, I made a trip to Trader Joe’s and bought some pasta and pesto sauce that I and my family eat far too often. We are very busy so pasta always seems to be the economical meal from a time perspective. I went to the Expo on Friday so that I could take it easy on Saturday. I bought some extra warm weather gear because it was supposed to be around 35 degrees at the race start. From this point, I just did some work and chilled out listening to music or watching tv.... there was ton of good football on this weekend.

I do remember feeling a little more nervous than normal. Actually, nervous is probably not the right word. Anxious may be better. One reason was that I had been sick for about two weeks but the main reason I was feeling off was because of all the recent happenings surrounding my wife's cancer. This felt like a much bigger deal than just a race and that is something I preach all the time as a coach for Team in Training..........."Race day is much more than running 26.2 miles and crossing a finish line....it is about all the training, all the hard work, all the lives saved". I don't think I have actually ever run a race just for myself. I don't think I ever will because I have so many motivating factors with my father, Isabella and the many many amazing people I have come to know over the years. There is always something to grab onto and this time it unfortunately happened to be Crea. This time it felt very real and very present. I think it was weighing a little bit on my heart but I can't really be sure.

Anyway, race day came. As usual, not much sleep the night before. Up at 3:30 to fix some breakfast in my Residence Inn kitchen. Same meal as always: 2 packs of oatmeal, 2 balance bars, 1 banana this time and 2 yogurts. I actually took the banana and 1 balance bar to the start with me. The bus picked us up at approximately 5:30am and drove us out to the start. Once we arrived, I just sat on the bus to stay warm. The race didn't start until 7:00am so I had time to spare. At approximately 6:30 I jumped into the bathroom lines and afterwards actually saw some great friends of mine....Todd Weinstein (Mamuute to me), Natalie Weber (Mamuute's fiancé), Brian Raymond and Victor Perkel (Brian's girlfriend’s father and amazingly an Endocrinologist that had thyroid cancer many years prior). It was cool to see them but I quickly went on to my own space to zone out.

6:55 and I check my gear bag. The key point here, which is needed for later, is that in the bag I check was a ton of warm weather gear. A fleece hat. A jacket. Two pairs of arm warmers. All of these things remained in the bag and not on my body. On my body, in this low 30 degree weather was a sleeveless tri top, tri shorts and an Ironman visor. I did actually have on compression socks and I was wearing the ever so popular $2 gloves available at the expo. I sweat so rapidly and do so horrible in the heat that I went light knowing I would heat up quickly.

7:00 - Gun goes off and I go running. As I cross the start line, I say to myself "I Love My Wife." This day is for her and I will give 110% for her. Things are going very well. I am keeping a 7:45ish pace and I feel like I am crawling. I had in my head that this was a very fast course but had been told the first half has a lot of rollers. On these rollers, I eased the pace and, again, was feeling great. I remember thinking this certainly wasn't that fast of a course as we seemed to be going uphill quite a lot. Nothing too steep.........just uphill. There is really only a few more things to mention for the first 18 miles:

1)I threw away those $2 gloves at mile 1.5. My hands were very warm and I didn't want any part of me overheating.........hindsight being 20-20........dumb ass move.

2)I somehow kept seeing every mile marker. I would be zoning out but amazingly would manage to catch the small sign indicating where I was on the course. That was not part of the plan.

3) I do remember crossing the half way point (very obvious point on the course) and thinking I am going to kill this race, pick up the pace and finish between 3:15-3-20.

4)Because of #1, my hands were beyond numb. They were all crooked like some horrible zombie creature and I remember looking around to find myself the only one NOT wearing gloves. Because my hands were so cold, I was not able to get to my food and open it up. I could have stopped and got help but that would require stopping so I pushed forward.

5)I spent all of these 18 miles thinking about various times with Crea........when we met.....dates we had......countries we had traveled to..........the good times........the bad times...........the life we had made with each other. This was how I passed the time and focused on why I was running.

Somewhere between mile 18 and mile 20, things changed abruptly. I began to feel very dizzy. My knees were hurting from the rolling hills but that was nothing that would stop me. I remember hitting a point where I thought if I took a few more steps I would pass out. So, with great sadness, I stopped to walk. I also remember being alarmed because I was not able to walk a straight line. The white haze passed and I started to run again but the haze returned and this really encompassed my road to the finish. Things were getting worse and worse. I stopped my watch and I remember feeling like I was letting my wife down. I knew she didn't care but this race was for her and things immediately stopped going according to plan. I remember turning my GPS watch back on and trying to run 0.25 miles with a 0.05 mile walk in between. You would think this would be easy but it was all I had to make it to the 1/4 mile mark on my watch. I always tell people to run the first 20 miles with your head and the last 6.2 with your heart and I was on all heart at this point. I really don’t remember too much. I remember being bummed at not being able to high five a few of the kids that were standing on the side of the road. That is always a big deal for my son and I know that simple gesture can make a lasting impression on a child but I just couldn't maneuver.

The next thing I really remember is having some women stripping off my clothes in the medical tent. I did not necessarily pass out and apparently had been talking and saying all the right things. It is just all a blur to me. They had taken my temperature and the reading was somewhere near 94 degrees.......which is apparently a little low. They were removing my wet clothes and putting on dry clothes from my gear check bag. Apparently a benefit to being in such bad shape is that they send a runner to get your gear bag (another is the green hat donated by Kaiser to keep me warm....my daughter Thalia looks much better in it than I). I also remember having a straw put in my mouth and being asked to drink. It was hot chicken broth. The first one tasted good but after the 6th and 7th cup, I was done with chicken broth and may be for the rest of my life. I think my temperature was taken about 3 times and it wasn't improving so I kept being given more blankets and I kept moving closer and closer to the heater. I also remember my feet being raised....not sure why but I wanted whoever was doing it to know I was not all that flexible. Those words never came out but I didn't break so I guess all is well. After a long time, I was able to sit up and was escorted to a chair directly in front of the heater. I remember shaking uncontrollably which is very odd for me because I am rarely cold. Just today no less than 5 people came into my office exclaiming "aren't you freezing"....NOPE. It was a couple of hours later that my temperature actually stabilized to a human level. Some blood had been taken that showed I was short on calories as well........no big surprise since I couldn't really open my food. At this point I didn't even know my race time. That is a key point I failed to mention. Shortly after my clothes were stripped, I had to ask if I had a medal because I did not really remember crossing the finish line. The nurses looked into my bag and were happy to report that I had a medal..........I had finished the race!!! I very much look forward to seeing my finish photo to see if there was a blank stare.........did I raise my arms to celebrate.........I have no idea!!

Once out of the med tent, I immediately called my wife. It had been a few hours so I knew she would be freaking out a bit. I am very timely with the calls home so to disappear for a few hours after my expected finish had to be a little nerve racking. I explained the story as best as I recalled. I remember breaking down and crying (not proud of this). I am not sure if it was because I felt like I let Crea down or just a combination of all the events we had been dealing with over the past month. Either way, my wife assured me that a)she was not disappointed b)she was proud of me and c)I would never go to a race on my own again. Time has passed now and I have come to terms with my race at CIM. I know I gave every ounce I had to get to the finish line. It didn't quite produce a time that made me happy but that is the beauty of the marathon and what keeps me coming back and what keeps me coaching others to do the same at Team in Training............on any given day, you can kick the marathon's ass but runner beware because sometimes the marathon just might kick yours. Each and every marathon and the journey to that marathon can change your life, teach you how to be a stronger person, teach that you are capable of anything. As part of Team in Training or any other amazing cause, it can also teach that each and every one of us has the ability to make a difference and change the world. On this particular day in December 2009, the marathon took it to me but I will be back and I will have my revenge.

Thanks for reading. Thanks for all the support you have shown to my family and I. My journey is now to the Lavaman Tri in March which I am competing in on behalf of my wife and her battle. I am doing this as a participant for Team in Training. If you are so inclined you can donate at the link above or you can go directly to my fundraising site at http://pages.teamintraining.org/los/lavatri10/4mywife . Either way, I am very grateful to everyone on this journey.

Doctor Visit Number Two - UCLA

2009-11-24T20:05:00.000-08:00

One week after visiting Dr. Adashek at Cedars Sinai, Crea and I found ourselves at UCLA visiting with Dr. Yeh. As I mentioned in the last post, the facts seem to be clear at this point and surgery appears imminent. Because of this, I did not anticipate a lot of new information coming from Dr. Yeh but merely Crea determining who she would be more comfortable with as a surgeon. As is with life and certainly this entire situation, reality was not quite as expected.

We arrived at UCLA and it was immediately a different feel. It was a much bigger facility with a lot more foot traffic so we began the process feeling somewhat part of a herd. I think we both were thinking the small office environment at Cedars with 6 or so chairs in the waiting room was a more inviting setting than the 40 chair waiting room we sat in at UCLA. We were greeted at the receptionist stand friendly enough. Crea handed over a packet of information that she had filled out prior to arrival and was then asked many questions........the answers of which were in this same package Crea had provided. I only mention this because it was very funny to watch my wife deal with the scenario. Crea is truly one of the nicest people I know. She is very caring, very welcoming and very friendly. She was trying to draw on all of these characteristics and hide the tremendous frustration she was feeling at having taken all the time to fill out the forms yet verbally have to respond to the same questions........just prior to each of her answers Crea would kindly point to the packet of information sitting on the desk. To the world, Crea appeared fine. To me, I knew she was boiling which for some reason struck me as funny. I could definitely see a Seinfeld episode coming out of the interaction...Seinfeld, Table for 4?

We were immediately called in to the office and were initially greeted by a student. The paperwork mentioned the possibility of student interaction which I know is vital to training our surgeons of the future but we still found ourselves a little frustrated. Funny enough, Crea was yet again responding to questions to which the answers were contained in the packet of information now residing with our student doc. Dr Yeh ultimately arrived and he had quite a personality. Dr. Yeh actually was a self referral for Crea and we were very unprepared. Crea didn't bring a lot of the medical records so we put the Dr. Yeh in the awkward position of having to rely on conversation. Funny enough, one of the papers we did have with us was from the recent blood tests which he noted were processed at a USC Lab. His comment was that the USC Lab is one of the best in the country for this type of test but he still managed to sneak in......."as much as it pains me to say that"........I love USC haters so we have to score one for Dr. Yeh at this point.

We walked Dr. Yeh through the entire history....cancer diagnosis while pregnant, surgery in 2004, radiation in 2005 and all the recent findings. He is very thorough but would definitely be a good addition to the Seinfeld episode. Add to this episode the fact that we were really not sure the proper protocol for getting the opinion of a second surgeon. Do we mention the prior visit? Would it offend Dr. Yeh? Were we committing medical adultery against Dr. Adashek? We were not sure so we remained silent on the topic. We just presented the facts and must have appeared to be medical geniuses with some of the questions we asked.

Dr. Yeh walked us through the evidence based theories on why to operate or why 'not' to operate. He said because of the suppressed growth, Crea might live to be 85 and die of a heart attack if we do nothing. He gave extreme examples where you would probably not operate on the 80 year old in bad health in which surgery posts many complications and you would clearly operate on the 19 year old in good health (minus the cancer) that could clearly tolerate surgery and has a long life yet to live. Enter Seinfeld as Dr. Yeh began to say that Crea is somewhere in the middle of very old and 19 (risky direction here) but then recovered to say she was clearly closer to the 19 year old scenario which would lean towards surgery.

After much discussion, Dr. Yeh wanted to perform his own ultrasound. He actually insists on this so he can see the issues with his own eyes and draw his own conclusions. It is this ultrasound where things started to turn a little south from expectations. The outcome of the new ultrasound was actually the discovery of 3 more cancerous lymph nodes bringing the total identified up to 6. While the doctor was very clear to say this discovery does not change the fact that Crea will be okay, I found the news to be a little disheartening. Maybe 'disheartening' is not the right word. I am confident Crea will be okay but the knowledge that cancer is inside my wife is frightening thus the fact that more cancer is inside my wife than originally thought is even more frightening. I think the other issue is that as a husband, I feel helpless. I can not cure my wife. I can just get my arms around things and try to comfort the situation. When the facts change, it is hard to get to stable ground.

At the end of the ultrasound, Dr. Yeh showed us the pictures he captured. Unlike the ultrasounds I am used to seeing, there was no beating heart of a baby. Instead we had to look at pockets of cancer inside my wife's neck. It is not a lot of fun coming face to face with your nemesis but that is what it felt like. I was staring into the eyes of cancer and it was not a pretty sight. Dr. Yeh then drew a diagram so we could understand where the cancer is in relation to Crea. It is all contained in the right side of her neck. Some is fairly close to the original scar and some is extended a little farther out to the side. From this news, I asked the question as to whether the original entry into Crea's neck could be utilized. Please note I could care less about the scar, where it is or how big it is. I know my wife cares which is why I asked the question. I never even notice her current scar and I doubt others do either....unless they too have had thyroid surgery and are sensitive to the process (kind of like you never notice so many Honda Elements until you actually buy one and then thousands are on the very street you live on).

My question lead to the final detour from expectations. Dr. Yeh has a more aggressive approach and believes in taking out many of the lymph nodes in the area where the cancer exists. His analogy was that if one house in the area is on fire, remove all the houses in the zip code. He presented two scenarios. One was to extend the surgery both upwards and outwards which would remove multiple sections of lymph nodes from the entire right side of Crea's neck. The second scenario was to slightly extend the current scar and take out 2-3 sections of lymph nodes. He ultimately settled on the second scenario because of data which indicates the cancer does not tend to invade the upper section of the neck. Either approach seems more aggressive than Dr. Adashek who believed you go in and get as many lymph nodes that have cancer or look suspicious. Which approach is correct.............I wish I knew the answer but all of this information sent my brain into overload.

-why didn't the first ultrasound catch all of the cancerous nodes?
-would Dr. Adashek have done his own ultrasound to find the additional cancer and should I care?
-if no additional ultrasound was done, would the additional cancer have been found during surgery and, if not, what would the consequences be?
-Dr. Yeh said surgery could wait until January/February but again seemed to indicate not waiting too long. Why? If earlier we were told Crea could live to 85 and die of a heart attack, what is the rush?
-Dr. Yeh said there is a 1% chance of harming the vocal chords during surgery leaving Crea hoarse for the rest of her life. I asked about his personal history and he said it was consistent with the 1%. Dr. Adashek said his history was zero..........why the difference? Is it the aggressive versus non aggressive approach?
-Dr. Yeh would want to examine the vocal chords prior to surgery. I don't remember this being mentioned in the first visit.
-If you go with a less aggressive approach now, and more lymph nodes become cancerous at a later date, is the next surgery more risky due to scar tissue from what is now two operations?

All things to think about. All things that invade my thoughts throughout the day. I am sure both surgeons are fantastic. Maybe there is no wrong choice here but my wife is involved and I just want her to be okay. I want the cancer out and to stay out. I want my wife to know she is beautiful with or without a scar and I want a cure for cancer. That can not happen without all of us committing to making it happen. I am certainly not skilled enough to find the cure but I can run and I can bike and I can sort of swim. I need your help though on this little journey my family finds itself on. I am committed to raising $10,000. For my wife, I will raise at least that much. If you can help with a donation, please click on the link above. If the link is not working, you can go directly to my site at http://pages.teamintraining.org/los/lavatri10/4mywife . If you are not in a position to donate, I completely understand and am grateful for your taking the time to read my long winded words.

Surgeon Visit Number One

2009-11-19T15:40:00.000-08:00

Very sorry for the delay with this update. The entire family is now in Fort Lauderdale visiting my Grandmother (Nannie) and Great Aunt Betty. They are both in their 90's and really the only family remaining on my fathers side. My original story started to some degree with my Aunt Betty back in 2002 because we were all flying in for my Aunt Betty's 90th birthday. 'All' really only represented my Mom and Dad from South Carolina and myself from Los Angeles. My father was an only child and that is apparently a genetic trait for I am also an only child. That does not lead to large family get togethers at least it it relates to my fathers side of the family tree.

Anyway, it was a few days prior to departure for my aunt's birthday and I was struggling to get a response from my father regarding last second plans. This was very unusual because we talked literally every day and as it turns out, my worry was justified. When I picked up the phone, I could hear in the tone of my mothers voice that something was not right. She told me my Dad was in the hospital and had arrived with only minutes to spare because he was failing to get enough oxygen as his red blood cells were being suffocated from all the bad white blood cells being created from what would ultimately be diagnosed as leukemia. Anyway, I never made it to see my Aunt Betty and amazingly have not been back since. She is now 97 years old and has never seen my children so this trip is a very important and long overdue one. To be honest, she has only seen Crea one time and that was at our wedding 10 years ago. I have some amazing memories with my Aunt and Nannie and it was great seeing the spark light up in each of them today as they watched the kids running around their place. As it turns out, this trip turned into a needed break for Crea as well. The news we received regarding her cancer has been very tiring. I am exhausted thinking about it and can only imagine how exponentially more difficult it is on her.

So, back to my wife. As with the first diagnosis, the news is all good. I should correct this to say the news itself is horrible.......the chance for a positive outcome is very high. Here are the facts as I know them. Outside of the fact that I would have a hell of a bedside manner, I certainly was not meant to be a doctor so this will be written in a very elementary manner. Five years ago my wife was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. Albeit cliche, if you ever have a gun to your head, are being told you must choose a cancer and that you must choose a form of cancer without hesitation.........your answer should be 'Thyroid Cancer'. Whether that is factually true......I do not know. I do know the survival rates are extremely high. That is what we were told 5 years ago and that is what we are being told today. In fact, we are being told that 30% of the time, thyroid cancer will return after the first treatment. I am fairly certain that we were not told this the first time around. Had we been told this, we might have been less surprised on November 3, 2009. I want to add here out of respect for my wife that while the survival rate is very high, my wife still has cancer. Cancer takes lives. We all know it is horrible so I am not really sure how easy Crea rests at night with the news that survival rates are high. She has something inside her that ultimately can take her life and it is a scary place to be. She is not in control. Cancer is in control. I think the reason I say this is that I do not want to belittle the situation in any manner. I will digress slightly back to the loss of my daughter Isabella. While a very small minority of the population, I have encountered folks that seem to believe all should be fine since 6 years have elapsed since Isabella's passing. I know others that have lost children and they agree with the following statement as well: while time does somewhat heal your wounds, you are NEVER quite the same after the loss of a child. Things can be perfectly normal one second and in the next you see something that takes you right back to a hospital room watching your wife go through labor that does not conclude with the usual crying baby to let you know all is well. You flash back to holding this little angel in your arms screaming in hopes that it was all a bad dream and that she....or you....would open your eyes and everything would be okay. It can be as simple as the end of the movie, 'The Butterfly Effect' (watch it and you will understand) in which my wife and I instantly went from ok to hysterical. Recently it was a picture in the video for the song 'Trinity' by Paper Tongues. It was a baby's hand laying face up in the hand of an adult. I have that same picture with Isabella, Crea and myself. It instantly took me back........and solidified 'Trinity' as my anthem for this new challenge my family faces.

I am good at digressing so let me get back on track. We are visiting 3 surgeons during the month of November. The first was Dr. Adashek at Cedar Sinai on November 16th. He came highly recommended as one of the top surgeons in this field. My thought process surrounding the different visits was to be certain that surgery was required. After meeting with Dr Adashek, we are fairly certain surgery is required so now it will come down to Crea choosing which surgeon she is most comfortable with. Another self discovery from this appointment was how uneducated I think I was the first time around for Crea. I remember sitting in the waiting room with family and I remember being scared but when I look back, I think I was uneducated. It could have been my subconscious just trying to focus on 'survival rates' as that was a much more positive place to look than the bad things that could once again impact my family.

With the first surgery, I remember it taking far longer than I thought it should. I was beginning to lose my mind wondering what was going on when the surgeon finally came out. He said it went well but he definitely did not seem as upbeat as I hoped he might be. I think it was this moment.......when the surgeon shared his findings......that I let my mind go to the reality that could have come from my wife having cancer. He explained that the cancer had made it to several lymph nodes and he also informed us that he had to remove one parathyroid gland. 'Lymph node' echoed in my head. I let it rattle around and then I stored it for 5 years until the doctor told us the cancer had returned. I knew the 'lymph node' news was not the best news but chose to focus on the fact that my wife was okay. Regarding the parathyroid gland, that is important to know for the next surgery. We all have 4 parathyroid glands that serve the function of controlling the amount of calcium in our blood and bones. You can definitely function without one but calcium levels have to be monitored for Crea.

In case I have not been clear, Crea's first surgery involved the removal of her thyroid gland. During that process, the cancerous lymph nodes were discovered and the parathyroid gland was removed. The next step of treatment involved radiation therapy administered via radioactive iodine. Removing the thyroid gland is not the same as removing an organ. You can not be certain you removed it all or that some thyroid tissue did not break off and land somewhere else in the body. It is because of this that the radioactive iodine is administered. Your thyroid gland absorbs iodine so if you add radiation to some iodine, go on a diet that deprives your body of all iodine and then take in the radiative dose.......it should go straight to any remaining thyroid tissue and kill it. This is what Crea did. She went on a funky diet that had zero iodine and then took a little blue pill (not sure it was blue but you have to love The Matrix.....after reading this to her I was informed it was HUGE and ORANGE) and was then quarantined for what I remember to be a month. From there it has been maintenance and monitoring and until November 3rd, all was well.

What we learned on 11/3/09 was that over the course of the prior 12 months, what were minor abnormalities had grown to over 1 centimeter. Three lymph nodes are affected and there is one extra node that is not a lymph node but its very own growth. In addition to the growths is an increase in the level of of thyroglobulin in Crea's blood. Thyroglobulin is a protein that can only be produced by the thyroid gland. The fact that it increased, combined with the growths above are a very good indication that there are still thyroid cells in the body. The last fact is that the growths described above were only discovered via ultrasound. This is important because part of the maintenance is taking some doses of radioactive iodine for the sake of body scans. During these scans, nothing was ever seen. You might think..great news but, in Crea's case, it is not. Because there is thyroglobulin, there are thyroid cells. Because these cells are not absorbing the iodine, it is the last indication that there is something wrong with these remaining cells........i.e. CANCER. These are the facts. Dr. Adashek did a great job at being thorough and walking us through the trail of evidence. Unfortunately the evidence is clear. He added further clarity to the situation by giving the following information:

-the cancer inside Crea is suppressed. Because she has no thyroid, she takes medicine every day. This medicine, Synthroid, is a synthetic thyroid hormone that replaces the normal hormone her body would have produced. It also keeps any remaining thyroid cells in her body from actually working which keeps the cancer at a slow growth rate.
-because of the first point, he said we have the option of waiting until after the Holiday season for the surgery.
-most importantly, and this hit me like a brick, he said this is not something you would wait until Summer to remove. This put a very small band around the process and brings me back to the point that my wife has CANCER.....albeit the good kind.......it is CANCER and it must be removed. I think the other alarming piece to this statement was that we waited so long the first time around so that Jaden could be born. Nobody gave us this Holiday versus Summer analogy and I am not sure if that makes me feel better or worse. Had someone given us the analogy, would we have acted differently. I am not sure. I do not like to live with regret but I also hate that tiny thought that asks.....did we do the right thing? As I am typing right now, my wife sits 10 feet away from me.....alive and playing with our little girl Thalia. Another 10 feet away is my son Jaden playing and watching television. All are with me so...as of typing this......the right decisions were made and I can only pray that this next surgery is successful and my family stays intact.

The final points tie to the surgery itself. Dr. Adashek is going to look into greater detail at the results of the first surgery and have an expert look at the latest ultrasounds. Beyond the risk of cancer is the risks tied to removing the cancer. These risks are twofold:

1)Crea has already lost one parathyroid gland. The hope is that the one she lost is also the one near the current cancer. This would make it easier to get to the growths and remove them without harming another parathyroid gland.

2)The surgery entails being in close proximity to Crea's vocal chords. There is risk to harming the vocal chords especially because there is now scar tissue in the area that could make it more difficult to find the cancerous growths.

Thanks for reading. Thanks for all the amazing support. We have received very kind words, very kind offers and very generous donations that all mean so much. In the days since I communicated news of my wife's cancer (we have not named it for it is not a welcome guest), over $3,000 has been donated to Team in Training. That is amazing. People are good. People care. People can accomplish anything. People can change the World. It is because of this that I am certain CANCER will be beat.

Good Plus One

2009-11-14T11:00:00.000-08:00

I have shared my story many times. It has always been a 3 pronged one:

-My father was diagnosed with leukemia in September 2002 and battled until January 2004 when he passed away.
-A few months prior to his death, my daughter Isabella passed away at birth.
-A few months after my father passed away, my wife became pregnant again. While pregnant, she was diagnosed with cancer.

These are the simple facts that have a lot of complexity built into the detail. My daughter Isabella passed away 1 day after my fourth wedding anniversary. The only reason it wasn't actually on my anniversary is that my wife fought with all she had to push until after the clock struck midnight. Either way, instead of having a romantic evening with my wife to celebrate our marriage, we were in Santa Monica finding out our precious girl didn't have a heartbeat.

Regarding my wife's cancer diagnosis, we had the very difficult task of deciding whether to have the baby before or after attacking the cancer. The difficulties that accompany such a tough choice are far reaching. Your life or your baby's life....which do you risk. We chose to have the baby first and on October 29, 2004, my son Jaden was born. Less than two weeks later, my wife was in surgery to remove the cancer and immediately after the Holidays she began radiation treatment. This radiation treatment forced my wife into quarantine. We had a new baby......my wife could not hold him. I remember standing in the doorway of her room holding Jaden up just so she could see him. No hugs, no kisses, just a look from 25 feet away.

On November 3rd, my story took a little detour. I have always shared my wife's portion of the story as having beat cancer.......with the caveat that she has beat it 'to date'. I am not sure why I ever added this caveat. Was it because it wasnt official? Was it because I lacked faith or was afraid? I am not sure I will ever know the answer but as it turns out, the caveat was unfortunately justified. November 3rd was supposed to be the day my wife, Crea, and I learned about the very last follow up to her cancer diagnosis 5 years prior. Instead, in a very surreal way, my wife and I learned the cancer had returned. No follow up. No maintenance. Treatment must begin again. Am I mad.......I would be lying if I didn't say 'Yes'. My wife and I have endured our fair share of hardship and live to tell about it. Am I sad.....I would again be lying if I didnt say 'Yes'. I am sad because I know my wife is scared. I am sad because my wife has to go through more surgery and treatment and there is not a thing I can do about it. We were told about an optimistic outlook and I am grateful for that. The truth, however, is that cancer is inside of my wife. The truth is that cancer is a horrible thing and until someone looks me in the and tells me my wife is cancer free.......I will be uneasy.

So, my story continues and you might ask why I call this Blog - Good Plus One. The answer is this:

If you focus on just the facts of my story, you only see hardship and loss. Hardship is not where I choose to focus. Loss is not where I choose to focus. I choose to focus on my belief that Blessings come from even the most trying of circumstances. After my daughter passed away, I had to give the hardest speech of my life at her memorial services. I spent so much time on writing and practicing the speech. When I came out from the back of the church, I was amazed at how many people had showed up. Truly overwhelming to see so many friends and family (unfortunately none of my family could make it as my father was 3,000 miles away fighting for his life). I stood in front of everyone acknowledging we were all together for a sad circumstance but instead of spending our moments together in sadness, I wanted to focus on the blessings that came from the loss of my child. I think this was my definining moment....everybody has one......this was mine. After the service was over, I was thanked for my speech by many. Folks had come not knowing what to say. Folks had come wondering how they could help me and my family. Instead........it was my words that helped them. Blessings come from the most trying of circumstances.

Shortly after my daughters' passing, doctors told us that my fathers leukemia was terminal. I had to sit with my father and watch a video of Isabella's memorial service. How do you sit with your best friend, watch a memorial service for someone else's passing knowing the future holds the same outcome for you. My father could have been sad but instead gained comfort in the belief that Isabella would be waiting for him in heaven. Blessings come from the most trying of circumstances.

Because of Isabella's death, my wife had to undergo many medical tests to determine if something was wrong. While the cause of my daughter's death was not necessarily determined from these tests, the fact that my wife had cancer was discovered. If not for these tests, the cancer could have grown undetected and my wife might not be alive today. We like to believe that Isabella volunteered for Heaven knowing my father needed her and so that my wife could live. Blessings come from the most trying of circumstances.

So, for me, Good Plus One means that although bad circumstances will present themselves, Good will always be on the winning side. When tough times appear, be patient.......the blessings will be there in time. Keep your eyes, your mind and your heart open. The Blessings are there or will be there in time. For now, I will pray that my future holds the blessing of a healthy wife. I would appreciate those same prayers from you and if you would like to join me in the fight against cancer, please click the link at the top of the page.